Dressing the grand children

I hear you guys loud and clear- I will plan on minding my own business. Thanks for the wake up call!

I think you are over involved and very easy to tease! My advice is to just enjoy your grandchildren without expecting any control.

My MIL was a difficult woman (understatement!) and always criticized what I did, but never in front of DH. DD1 was very tall, blond and not very ‘girly’.
I remember her in expensive navy velour dungarees with an emerald green frog on the front and an emerald green velour jumper underneath.
DH took her to MIL to drop something off and MIL started commenting how DD1 was dressed. I wish I’d been a fly on the wall when he told her she could only complain when she bought all her clothes and marched out. Just one of many fall-outs.

I had a friend whose daughter was two years older than mine and we regularly received a bag of cast off clothes. My daughter was thrilled to be wearing her idol's clothes and I was pleased to be saving some money.
One bag contained two identical dresses and my son pounced on this, claiming one for himself!
My Mum used to disapprove of it all and found it quite shameful.

Goodness gracious, when I was young, we were practically RAISED on bags of secondhand clothes! We had a girl cousin who is just a bit older than me, so my sister and I inherited a lot of her clothes. To us that was akin to Christmas morning, getting a bag of clothes from her. Our mom and her sisters and SILs also shared maternity and baby clothes. Inevitably, there was always someone whose kids were just a bit younger than yours, so you just passed things along when your little ones outgrew them. I recall a Winnie-the-Pooh baby playsuit that made the rounds of a number of families. I wore it as a baby and I've seen it on a few of my cousins.

He is teasing you because he knows he gets a rise out of you. Stop rising to the bait and being horrified that he doesn't do exactly the same kind of parenting that you would do, and you will all get on together much better.

Why do you feel he’s picking at you?

To me it sounds like he’s teasing you rather than get frustrated.

The bottom line is based on both the examples you’ve given - you think your GC look like tramps and you think your son palms his kids off on ransoms in another state - you’re the issue!

How would you have felt if your mum or MIL questioned your ability to make basic decisions for your children?

Maybe wind your neck in a bit and gain some perspective here - they do things differently to you, big deal!! Your GC are cared for, you obviously have contact with them and everyone is healthy.

Stop looking for drama!

Why did you have to ask where the kids were?
That is none of your business

This is not only about clothes and how how your gc are dressed.
You sound controlling and need to back off.
You clearly don't trust your son's parenting skills

I don't want to sound harsh but it sounds from your sons last comment that you have questioned his parenting in the past.

He uses humour rather than say mind your own business.

Sorry to say this turtle, but I feel there’s way more going on here, that goes beyond clothes. Somehow, you need to talk to your son and DIL. Perhaps you need time apart for a while. It just doesn’t sound right.

This post has made me reflect on my own children - now adults. They went to a primary school that only allowed boys in year 6 to wear trousers so it was usual to see boys with bare legs in very cold weather. My eldest son was a fidget and because he kept on rocking in his chair in an unsafe way, his teacher made him kneel down on the coir carpeted floor and he wore a hole in his first pair of trousers. I was not annoyed with the teacher for making him kneel on the floor, but it was the last pair of trousers I bought him that year and he remained in shorts! But the fashion was then for knee length shorts worn with long grey socks so not much leg was exposed.

My daughter had a favourite denim tunic that she wore most days, the older it got, the softer the denim and the more she liked it! When I bought it, extra long as I was always on a tight budget so clothes had to last, it was mid calf length. She was still wearing it when it was so short that it almost exposed her knickers - she had grown taller but was still skinny. I did have a chat with her at that point about not wearing it anymore so my daughter solved the problem by wearing it as a tunic over her jeans! When I emptied her bedroom years later as I was moving house, I found the tunic in her wardrobe so I unpicked it and made a cushion cover for her which she now loves and takes to bed with her each night! My daughter also had a bet with a school friend at Secondary school to see how long they would go without wearing tights for school. She won the bet as she went all the way to the end of Year 11 wearing socks with her uniform when every other girl was wearing those thick black tights - my lovely daughter has always had her own unique style and still does.

You went through the drawers and took out clothes that GC had grown out of!! What business is it of yours?

I am afraid I could net help smiling at your son's response when you commented on the children's clothes!! Have you taken the hint?

He is telling you to back off, and using humour to do it.

The only clothes I buy my GC these days are t-shirts and only if I am very sure about them. My9 yr old GD runs around in t-shirt and shorts (very short) all year round in doors. The 15 yr old lives in leggings. I did buy her a cardigan but she asked me for it and the request was very specific.
I remember when my DD was young, my MiL knitted her a cardigan from a 25 year old pattern and my DD bravely wore it for a visit although she looked an evacuee.

I sympathize, but at 8yrs old your grandaughter should have some say over her wardrobe. Can you offer a day out to buy her a new outfit and take her to lunch (if you're allowed with covid, and parent's consent?) Your son has a strange sense of humor, and you don't say how your DIL feels about this.

My own lovely GD 5 always looks disheveled. Son and DIL don't seem to care about matching socks and washing whites with colours. She does have some nice clothes, but of course children can be very particular about what they wear, and choose something worn and faded over something newer that fits well. It can drive me a bit batty, but pick your battles. it may not be worth the strife in relationship.

I appreciate your comments and my son considers himself witty. He called me a minute ago and said he and wife were out to dinner in another state. I asked where the kids were- he said baby sitter. (? In another state?) of course he sends me pics of the kids later and they were all out to eat. But this picking at me bothers me.

Yes, my DIL asked if I would help my gd straighten out her drawers. Now I did take out what was too small...

I would not dream of going through anyone else's drawers which are private places. That is really stepping over boundaries.

Horrible grammar, my apologies

You are way overstepping your boundaries

My kids started picking what they want to wear since they are 2 years old, showing preference for what they like starting at 1.5 y.o.
They also prefer hand me downs vs new clothes

Let your gc show their personality and ability to make their own decisions instead of fitting them into your mold

I wonder also ... was the action of going through the drawers behind behind ds’s sarcastic comment. A comment that was a sarcastic joke that OP took as being serious.

I apologise in advance as I fear this May come across as harsher than intended, but clothes etc and what is “appropriate” is a parenting issue and you are not the parent here.
At age 8 it’s very likely that your GC picks or has input on their own clothing and preferences.
I’d also add that the label doesn’t necessarily equate with fit. My DD was v tall for her age as a child, but very slim, and at age 14/15 the only shorts we could get that wouldn’t slide down her hips were an age 10.
The parents may well be busy and disorganised, but they have a child who is by your own admission loved and cared for which is worth it’s weight in gold.

Children seem to choose their own clothes these days. When I was young my mother told me what to wear every day, so far as I remember. It was only when I got to 13 or so that I rebelled and was allowed to choose my own clothes. I still remember my father being upset because I saved my meagre pocket money and bought myself jeans from Woolworths. He said he never thought he would see his daughter in jeans. All my grandchildren were allowed to wear what they wanted, when they wanted, out of school and some very strange results there were, too. I don't think it matters really. We should not be judging people of any age by the clothes they wear.

One of my grand-daughters, aged 7, loves shorts in all weathers. Her delight knew no bounds when she discovered M&S do grey school uniform pinafore shorts. You will just have to grin and bear it, I'm afraid. Just wait until their teens. Everything black, shredded jeans, piercings, bare midriffs, multi-coloured hair. You won't be able to say anything then either!

Perhaps the children like the smaller clothes and shorts. If they are 8 and around that age they will have their own preferences. I am shocked that you would go through their drawers and remove things. That is very interfering and I'm not surprised there are often posts from mothers complaining about their mothers and MiLs! Would never do that!