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Grandparenting

Advice Appreciated

(35 Posts)
Liz46 Fri 15-Jan-21 15:10:59

I understand that you have helped (as we all do) but back off and don't get so involved.

Ormond Fri 15-Jan-21 15:07:15

Thank you, feeling reassured by your comment.

felice Fri 15-Jan-21 15:06:54

I really hope this is fake, I have spoken to women of all ages who have had abortions and it is not a 'quick fix'.
The trauma can stay with many women and their partners for life.
I am not anti-abortion at all but it is not your place to make this decision.
Perhaps you should buy your son a multi-pack of Condoms and use a banana to teach him how to use them.
He is also responsible.

Ormond Fri 15-Jan-21 15:05:32

No, but I've advised them to honestly weigh up all options available to them to ensure that the children are brought up in household that is not fractured.

EllanVannin Fri 15-Jan-21 15:04:03

I'd get checking on what benefits they would be entitled to as under the circumstances it would seem that they'll be entitled especially with another child coming along.
The people involved are adults and are well aware of what they're doing, so step back in that area.

Ilovecheese Fri 15-Jan-21 15:03:18

No advice for you really, but just to say that having a sibling close in age might make up for any lack of money for your grandchildren. I know two boys born 10 months apart, things were not easy when they were tiny but now, in their forties, they are still best friends.
I wouldn't suggest or press for a termination if she wants to go ahead, babies can't always be planned for, sometimes they are conceived too soon and sometimes can't be conceived at all.

Peasblossom Fri 15-Jan-21 15:02:09

I’m pro-choice but, as you’ve been supporting them financially, I think you may have unthinkingly put a terrible pressure on them to not have this baby. If they can’t manage without your help they may feel they have no option other than to do as you advise. Like janeainsworth, I hope I’ve got it wrong.

vampirequeen Fri 15-Jan-21 15:01:28

DD2 fell pregnant in the same way. Yes we were worried about the strain of two babies so close together but tbh it's never been an issue. The 18month old was in a routine before the new baby was born. The new routine was then built around both children. Neither baby missed out on love or attention.

janeainsworth Fri 15-Jan-21 14:55:15

Do I understand correctly that you’ve advised your son’s partner to have an abortion?

I have no religious affiliation but that is way, way beyond the pale.

Apologies if I have misunderstood.

Ormond Fri 15-Jan-21 14:45:29

My son and partner delivered a beautiful grandchild 9 months ago, who is completely loved and cherished.

The pregnancy was a shock, as my son's partner was on the pill. The family have rallied to help and support, both materially and financially during the first 9 months, as things have been very hard for them as a family, this has often meant myself or my father (Great Grandad), paying bills or giving them money for food. I've also been getting busy in the kitchen, revisiting weaning recipes of old.

We've recently been told, that there may be a further pregnancy, despite my son's partner again being on the pill and apparently never missing etc.

Whilst I know it's not about money (necessarily), I wonder what others think in terms of long-term outcomes for both children, as the first grandson will be 18 month old when the 2nd one comes along.

Mum whilst improving, hasn't coped particularly well with the initial 9 months adjustment to becoming a Mum and whilst I've supported in every way possible, I wonder whether seeing this 2nd pregnancy through to conclusion, at this time, is the best thing for them as a couple, family unit or the children.

I have advised that it may be best to wait until they are more settled and that there are options (which is a terrible thing to have to think about as a grandparent), but I wonder whether Mum will be able to cope, particularly if baby no.2 requires more attention than baby no. 1, but it seems she wants to press ahead with the pregnancy.

My son whilst working, is on a zero hour contract and work is not continuously sustained, visa vie no work, no pay. I'm most probably not articulating the situation extremely well, but I'm very worried for the long term repercussion's on all concerned, particularly the grandchildren and just wondered what others felt/thought and any advice you may have to offer.