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we have moved to be near my son and wonder if we made a mistake

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nanna8 Tue 19-Jan-21 03:56:37

An hour ! Gotta laugh. Here in Australia that would be regarded as very local. I guess he is caught up with having a new Bub and also mother/ daughter in law stuff can be quite difficult,too. Do you get on well with your DIL? I was thinking that might be the issue really. Can you join a club or something social so that you are busy a lot and your mind is occupied elsewhere ? Just a thought. Best wishes and hope things improve.

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CanadianGran Tue 19-Jan-21 03:53:05

I think you need to give it more time, and fretting will only make matters worse.

Perhaps it was a hasty decision, but you have to think about long term. I'm not sure how far away your old house and job are, but if you are close to retirement you will have years of enjoying your family in the same town to look forward to.

You shouldn't obligate your son to help you with your move. In what way are you struggling with the house, and can you hire someone to help?

I hope you find a way to settle in comfortably. Nothing is easy with covid situation, but try to do your best to make your new home comfortable for yourself and your husband, and the family will be a bonus when you can see them.

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Akenside62 Tue 19-Jan-21 03:35:44

we have moved recently to be near my grandchildren. We loved our old house and area but my son and daughter in law felt the hour journey was too far to visit too regularly. Although we did not really like where they lived we thought being near the grandchildren would make up for it. They were expecting their 2nd child so we knew we hardly seen them before so with a second one it would be even worse. We did childmind for them 1 a week but was finding it financially difficult to travel every week and we were desperate to be involved with our grand daughter, so we made the decision to move, hoping the relationship would improve and it would show our son how much they meant to us. DIL parents only live around the corner so they would see them all the time and i was jealous of the relationship they had.
We only live 5 minutes away from them now.
We have only been here 4 months and now realise it was a mistake.
It hasnt helped with lockdown etc i know but they havent really been any support since weve been here. We are struggling with the house and its size and cant seem to get it right. My son has visited once since weve been here and didnt help at all with the move but as they had just had a new child i knew he had a lot on his plate.
His wife was struggling at first and i helped 2 days a week (I work 3 days) but it was getting too much so i had to tell him i could only do 1 day.
Things have been odd these last few weeks. Its been two weeks and he hasnt rung or sent any videos across. Ive sent a text and hes answered but his reply to my struggling with the house again was sorry its been a headache ill call you in a couple of days. Why are we here?
we are thinking of moving back but know that this will just ruin our relationship with our son.
Has anyone out there done the same and what happened.
Or have you got any advice on how i handle all this.
Its affecting me a lot now and i feel totally lost. Im scared about my job - im remote at the moment which is great but soon i will have to find another job too because otherwise ill be travelling back 3 days a week. But because of how unsettled i feel i dont want to get another job (if i can) in case i dont stay.
im driving my husband mad. He never really wanted to move at all and just did it to please me.

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