Gransnet forums


how to support my grandchildren?

(11 Posts)
margaretb69 Thu 28-Jan-21 13:28:01

I am in a dilemma. My daughter is know to disown me for long periods of time. My grandchildren are 11 & 18. They are forced to spend more time in there room than not. They are NOT on social media NOT allowed their own phone (no landline) so mom controls everything ( I believe she is a full blown narcissist) and then there is the constant arguing between mom & dad day after day. Both kids do great in school, have very controlled visits with friends grandparents etc. if allowed at all. They aren't allowed to stay the night anywhere anytime. My grandson is old enough to drive but mom refuses to let him get a drivers license..... I have just learned they hate it at home with the constant fighting & are afraid to confront mom & dad for fear of making matters worse. If I talk to my daughter about this she won't allow me to see the kids. Dad has tried to get her to go for counseling but she refuses saying nothing wrong!!!! I really need advice to help my grandkids cope. I was somewhat aware of home life but much worse than I ever thought. It breaks my heart that they are living in this horrible situation. Please help me help them! ;(

Daddima Thu 28-Jan-21 13:45:12

It may sound harsh, but it is really not up to you to ‘do’ anything, especially something which may well make matters worse. I’d say all you can do is provide a listening ear if you’re asked.

NotSpaghetti Thu 28-Jan-21 13:50:00

Is the 18 year old at school or college? I think you are USA from using "mom" - could you suggest (next time when appropriate) that he speaks to the school/college councillor? They are in a better place to support him as won't be cut off as you might be.

EllanVannin Thu 28-Jan-21 13:56:56

What a terrible controlling atmosphere. No words.

NotSpaghetti Thu 28-Jan-21 14:33:51

Just suddenly wondering if your daughter is home-educating too?

Lucca Thu 28-Jan-21 15:08:55

Op says kids “do great in school”

Lucca Thu 28-Jan-21 15:09:43

I guess the 18 Year old will be able to leave the family home, but it’s hard for the 11 year old.

welbeck Thu 28-Jan-21 15:18:45

it sounds like they are being kept in an oppressive atmosphere.
could you contact child protective services.

NotSpaghetti Thu 28-Jan-21 16:50:51

Oh yes, Lucca I went away and was still thinking about it...
So difficult. But I think the school should at least have support.

varian Thu 28-Jan-21 17:56:16

Have you offered to help them with school work online?

BBC Bitesize is brilliant. I whatsapp my grandchildren and we go through a lesson together. I am not a trained teacher so we go through it at the same pace. Usually half an hour is enough and they seem to appreciate it.

Jaxjacky Thu 28-Jan-21 18:33:10

I’m interested how you know of the situation if they have no social media, no phones, I must assume you are seeing them?