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Grandchildren with no structure

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Bibbity Fri 29-Jan-21 13:02:23

It sounds like you need to end the arrangement. My children are 6 and 4 and become wild when a grandparent arrives. It can be very annoying that a moment before we were doing something normal and structured.
If they are visiting then we just let them get it out of their system.
If they are babysitting the tone changes as they are the adults in charge.
If you are the only adult in charge then you should be controlling their behaviour.
But due to you being unwell you may not be able to do this.
If you can’t then they need to find someone else.

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Sara1954 Fri 29-Jan-21 12:52:48

We have one daughter and three grandchildren living with us at the moment. I do discipline them, but only in the absence of my daughter, when I don’t consider it to be my place.
It sounds a truly difficult situation, I don’t expect thanks from my daughter, but I certainly expect some respect and consideration.

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NellG Fri 29-Jan-21 12:40:57

Can I start by sending you a massive hug? It sounds like you might need one. The whole situation sounds extremely stressful.

If your daughter in law has said that they are looking to you to discipline their kids (and btw, I agree it's not your place when the parents are present) then I think you might have to have a very open discussion about what they do and do not expect from you, wherein you can discuss your limitations ( re health issues). Unfortunately people really don't see how much 'we' are struggling. We think it must be obvious, but it isn't, and hardly ever to our kids unless we spell it out.

It's a difficult situation as you obviously love your grandchildren and want to be supportive, but I do think it's going to need a very open discussion about what that entails. Equally I think you might need them to agree that when they, or one of them is there, you are a visitor and not providing childcare at that time and that you need to refer to them.

I hope it all works out for you, grandchild and health wise. Best wishes.

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Thistlelass Fri 29-Jan-21 12:19:13

I am currently experiencing difficulties offering care for two grandchildren. Little boy age 3 and little girl age 5. They are the children of my son and his wife. I should add I have significant mental health issues, and currently on a Neurologist's books for suspected MS. So I go to their house early to see the girl do her schoolwork with teacher on computer. I was invited to call at this time. There is a 6 month old puppy in the house which is naturally very boisterous. Within minutes of me arriving the kids are excited as is dog. Son is self employed tradesman and was going to do work at his workshop. He did not leave the house for about 1.5 hours after I arrived. Now the pup peed on the kitchen floor and again at the front door also doing its business. The kids were playing around and I was keeping an eye on them. This family does not really live to a routine. Mum has been studying for 4 years and is about to enter the workplace. My grandson, naturally has lots of little play figures - the dog grabs them and runs off, etc. Child starts wailing, that sort of thing. The little girl is very spirited. I love her to bits but she likes to push on the boundaries. I go to their home because it is easier for me.to manage. I know they will run riot in mine and I do get tired..Also have to take steps to keep my mood as even as possible. Kids go to other grandparents and are allowed to run upstairs and play in the 5 bedrooms etc I don't feel I want or can cope with that. I visited one afternoon and quickly the children and dog get excited. My son actually said to me is it worth it?! Meaning.me.visiting. As he went out the door yesterday he said it again! I then spent the afternoon trying to manage situation (pup went with him). It was difficult with the girl wanting to leave the house and run down street etc. But I managed. When my daughter-in-law came back I just made a quick exit. She sent me a message later and I told her what son had said. She responded they were looking for me to be disciplining the kids more effectively. I responded that I did not think it was my place to do that when a parent was in the house. So now I don't know what to think. Just wondering what others would think.about this objectively?

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