Any ideas for help with toilet training

Apparently you can hire people to potty train your child these days.

A ping pong ball in the toilet for him to ‘fire’ at, or a target painted with nail varnish at the back of the bowl?

Just realised what he’s holding on to! Reading instalments of a good book whilst he is sitting on the loo perhaps? A book that is only read at loo time. Enid Blyton is good for an engaging tale with chapters, although not considered very PC these days.

Allow him to watch Mum and Dad going to the loo so that he realises nothing awful happens.

Run out of nappies and don't buy any more - he wont hold it forever and chances are he's just used to the 'comfort' of a warm wet nappy as opposed to a cold, draughty seat. Don't make a big deal out of any accidents once the nappies are no more and allow him to make the transition with no drama.

Let him throw some loo paper down the loo and let him flush it to see what happens. There will be a kids story book somewhere about toilet training which it might be good to read to him.

Ultimately the books are right, he will grow out of it.

Thank you all but he does go to the loo with mum and dad, he has something to 'fire' at, they can't really run out of nappies as they can't even think about him being dry at night yet and he's too bright not to know where the nappies are, they've read all the books and googled as much as they can......this is why they're at their wits end!!!

Have they tried putting him in bath or shower and running the water. With some of ours I noticed they would pee when put in bath, even before toilet trained. For some reason, if feet are in water and water running it seems to trigger a reflex "let go".

I didn't potty train my kids. When they were old enough I got them trainer pants and trainer seat for the grown-up toilet and they used that. Never understood the fuss.
With my grandkids their parents were quite happy for them to be in nappies until they were almost ready for school.
Now they are both fully toilet trained.
Relax.

The nursery should have a continence nurse they can contact for advice. As you say it's not healthy for him to hold it in like that and I think it might be worth contacting the specialists that are available.

If children are allowed to go too long without being toilet -trained, they do indeed like the comfort of a warm wet nappy, but staying dry all day, using the nursery loos, then being allowed to change into a nappy before he relieves himself is foolish. Does he never use the toilet at home? Is he frightened of the flush or the noise of the cistern? Is he in nappies at the weekend?
His parents are storing up problems if they allow this to continue; it is a form of control and they need to be immovable: no more nappies.

Years ago I read an article which said that small children are often reluctant to have a bowel movement because they have a fear they are losing part of themselves. It was a very long time ago and in a psychology book I was reading but it makes sense.

He may have passed one which was painful so your DD needs to make sure he is not constipated and has plenty of fluids.
The other thing is that a small stool is useful so that his feet are planted firmly when he is on the loo and not dangling.

I wouldn't put a nappy on him when he gets home.

www.eric.org.uk/pdf-children-who-will-only-poo-in-a-nappy

And, of course, don't show any anxiety and give him lots and lots of praise.

Thank you all.
I must confess, my first instinct was to get tough and I think dd and husband are finally getting there!

I stayed well clear of this, only giving advice if asked. It’s for the parents to do.

You could try the 'Toilet Training in Less Than a Day, (available from Am*zon and good book shops) which I used on my last two with great success. Its theory is that you encourage the child to train a wetting doll, and when they have been through the process a couple of times with the doll, they are eager to try it themselves. I was sceptical, but it worked! You need lots of savoury snacks and drinks so they get the practice in.

Oh and I never used a potty, always a step and clip on loo seat that the child can put on themselves.

Put him on the toilet and tickle him? Turn it into a game and if he’s desperate when tickled he probably won’t be able to hold it in. Then go overboard with the praise, kisses and cuddles?

Mine were both trained by 2 but a lot of effort went into it. Time is needed to train them and lots of parents work and don't have the time. The longer it goes on, the worse it gets. There's a great video on YouTube I stumbled across of 6 month old baby doing his business on the toilet
youtu.be/4Hl8hkETIJA

If he is coming home from nursery with a full bladder and desperate to relieve himself in a nappy maybe you could divert him for a shower first. He’s unlikely to be able to hold onto it in the running water. And perhaps catch it in a beaker and make a game of it till he gets the hang of it.

My little grandson used to love standing up from his bath and peeing in a plastic beaker when he was getting used to his toilet training.

Try searching on Mumsnet, this is a frequent topic there.

Unfortunately until the nappies go he's going to have this issue.

I think I'd be going down the waterproof mattress, tolerating a few accidents route.

grannynannywanny and others...
This is not pee problem we are talking about here...!
Shower games in particular sound like a messy option... ?

NotSpaghetti When I started reading the post I first thought it was referring to a poo reluctance. But when Beejo went on to say her little grandson had something in the loo to aim at as suggested by a previous poster it threw me off track. Ignore me, it doesn’t take much to confuse me!

I did work with a small number of children who had this problem years ago. They were quite a bit older than your grandson so I think you can be reassured that nearly always this can be resolved.

I definitely think I'd at least introduce his parents to the specialist Children's Bowel and Bladder Charity for more help. I expect you have already found them. If not, Callistemon posted a link above.

My grandson is of a similar age and has taken until the last 2 or 3 months to crack in the toilet training dept. He goes to nursery a couple of days a week and has couple of friends there and they used to “go” together to the toilet which helped him get the gist of it. Another thing that helped is that his parents found online such a thing as a child’s plastic urinal that hooks on to the bathroom wall. It has a frog in it that twirls when he’s hit the target. He then loves to unhook it himself and empty out down the toilet. It did the trick with Dgs.