Precocious cheeky behaviour in six year old grandaughter

My lovely nephew went through a somewhat ‘challenging’ phase when he was younger. He was lovely until he was about seven and then up until he was about eleven he was bloody awful to be honest. The whole family, quite coincidentally acted as one, and in the main part disregarded poor behaviour (where appropriate) and massively reinforced good behaviour. It took a while, but it worked. He is the most lovely and thoughtful young man now. Yes, of course, he has his moments but you would struggle to find a nicer young man.

I missed the ‘6’ also, and still can’t see it.
It's in the heading, Aepgirl

I don’t think you can say anything to her parents, because that would imply criticism, but if she is rude to you, have a quiet word to say that she is pretty on the outside, but it is equally important to be kind and thoughtful and polite because if she behaves badly she won’t have friends

Growing up I had a cousin close in age who was horrible. Spoiled by her parents, she was badly behaved and used to drag my brother round the playground at school and call him rag doll. Now, you couldn’t wish to meet a nicer person, she is lovely, and patient, and kind.

I missed the ‘6’ also, and still can’t see it.

I think she will find it very hard to make friends, so somebody has to rein her in a bit, but I don’t think it’s the grandparents’ job to do this.

What do her teachers think?

I don't think we can comment about this as there is too little information in the post to ascertain what is considered obnoxious behaviour. Many little girls are show offs or over confident but turn out to be reserved teenagers. My granddaughter, son and daughter were very outgoing but puberty hit them hard so they are now quite reserved.
If your granddaughters teachers think there is a problem, they will talk to the parents too. Just keep gritting your teeth and I expect this will pass.

That’s really sensible Chardy because when I’m out walking I see children with both parents and grandparents just doing whatever they want without any kind of consideration for other people. Just to add I love being in the company of children but do believe that they should be guided on what is and is not acceptable behaviour. In many cases this is simply not happening.

Let her have this time in her life because the big wide world will soon give her knocks and exclusions to deal with. She will find others less tolerant as she joins society and will hopefully adjust accordingly.

If kids (boys or girls) are obnoxious when out with just Gran, they're warned, and if they do it again, everyone goes home. If they moan to parents, excellent because parents will want to have a conversation about behaviour. Then you can subtly say a bit of what needs saying.

But it’s true calendargirl ‘The whole World does revolve around children’ these days to the exclusion of everyone else unfortunately.

My DIL often posts photos of the DGC openly defying her on FB e.g.
" I told them not to touch this or wear that and guess what happened"
with a picture of the child wearing or playing with the offending clothes or her new makeup. It's like she's proud of their bad behaviour or looking for sympathy.

I'm sure you know you will have to keep quiet about your opinion of your GD. Most parents have a large pair of rose coloured glasses on where their children are concerned. However, if she continues in the way you describe, her parents may start to see what you see. Teachers may mention it, she may not be invited to parties, other Mums might say something, all manner of things could start to ring alarm bells. I suppose you feel it's best to nip it in the bud while she is only 6 and I have to agree with you. It's hard but it's not your place.

I guess to answer a question with a question - what would you like to do? But remember actions and consequences.

She will no doubt get a let down at some point in the future but there is really little that you can do unless she is rude to you.
I guess that you can have a quiet word when just the two of you whenever she is in your house, if she oversteps the mark - then you can tell her how you expect her to behave when with you. If you say anything to the parents, you could create a chasm between you that will never be breached.

Next time she’s rude to you, say “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that. Could you say it again?”
If she repeats her remark more or less as before, leave a little pause, then say “Did you really mean to be so rude? I don’t like that sort of behaviour”.

The photo thing is so noticeable nowadays. Pre lockdown when out and about I did notice adults just saying a child's name the child turning noticing the phone pointed at them and the child immediately posing. I did comment to a friend who also had noticed this. Children seem to be brainwashed into this posing and for some with praise heaped on them will think they are "stars" and special. You just have to go with it, only commenting if DGD is rude cheeky to you. No doubt she will meet her match!

I have a DGD age 8 like this, who is very rude to her parents and shows off a lot. She tried it with me when I visited and I just said, "What did you say? Don't you speak to me like that you rude child Thank you"
Problem sorted she's been very respectful to me ever since. But still rude to her parents as they ignore it / put up with it.

Tell her bluntly if she disrespects you. I have a great step-niece who is on the gifted spectrum and she is so arrogant and spoiled it's unbelievable. Only her parents find her appealing, and her sister and brother have had their noses pushed out by this "gifted" offspring who is actually quite obnoxious. Arrogance is not attractive Some people call it being assertive and strong. I call it what it is - arrogant, self-opinionated and I find it unacceptable.

Incidently it is amazing how when children realise their behaviour isn't acceptable they will change their behaviour with one person but can still play up others when they know they can get away with it.

Children aren't born this way are they? She must have observed this behaviour in someone else surely? It's a shame her parents didn't nip it in the bud from the outset. A monster of their own creation I'd say.

Yes, what is 'amusing' at 6 is appalling at 16, but children do mature, and she may become less of a show-off. Sounds as though the parents are idolising this child and they are doing her no favours. She will find the world does not share their view. I agree that there is no point in saying anything to the parents unless they were to ask advice, in which case, promptly give them a copy of "Beyond Toddlerdom" by Dr.Christopher Green - an Australian paediatrician and common-sense grandfather. Nothing to stop you from having a quiet word with GD if she crosses a line with you.

Is she rude to you? What contact do you have with her? If she is left with you and you are responsible for her I think it's fine to let her know when she steps over the line. It doesn't have to be done in a way that puts her down. Just explaining why her behaviour or speech isn't acceptable can help, then modelling the best response. It can be done quietly and repetetively and she'll get the message.
For example
GD "I want some cake!"
GM "Could you ask for it properly please. "I would like some cake please." or "May I have some cake please"
Make sure you are always polite to her and model good behaviour. Every time she gets it right praise her.
She can be as assertive and strong as she likes when she gets older but not through tramping on her GM.

It’s a shame because as she goes through the years she will struggle as not everyone will be accepting of the over confident behaviour. In teenage years she will be seen as cocky and arrogant. It’s not good that her parents have allowed her to run away with herself. It’s a big wide world out there and people can be cruel and want to knock her off her pedestal.

I would correct her if she said something rude or embarrassing to me - jokingly if possible, if not point out politely that the remark was hurtful.

Obviously, if you and she are alone in public when she says something rude to anyone else, you will have to say something along the lines of "that wasn't funny you know, I am afraid the person you said it to thought you very rude".

If her parents allow this behaviour, you can't do much, but as she is six you can be certain her schoolfriends will be after her if she says hurtful things to them.

You just have to grit your teeth. It’s a difficult situation it’s a shame really but she’s just getting away with it.
Just as long as she’s not disrespectful to you don’t let her be.
You never know things can change as she gets older perhaps she having her teenage strops and attitude now and won’t when she’s in her teens.