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Grandparenting

Now it has become police drama

(16 Posts)
V3ra Mon 15-Feb-21 23:06:12

So sorry for you keepingquiet.
You sound like you have a good grasp of the situation though.

nanna8 Mon 15-Feb-21 22:57:31

It could be a mental health issue . I have come across this where a woman sincerely believes she is being mistreated and abused when a lot of it is in her head. It can be very real to them and they can really believe things that are not,in fact, happening. Not saying that is the case here but it is worth considering.

keepingquiet Mon 15-Feb-21 21:55:03

Thanks everyone. The police couldn't say much except it was a verbal exchange. My DIL is very fragile mentally. She doesn't want my son to leave, but makes things so difficult she has backed him into a corner. I'm not going to defend my son if he's in the wrong, but he knows it is the best thing that they split.
Happyme it sounds like you have been in a similar situation. I am trying to keep calm. She hasn't contacted him and I have no idea what tomorrow will bring. They are not married, I just call her DIL for convenience. My son loves her, it has been so hard for him putting up with her controlling behaviour, but she also deserves some support and I hope she gets it. I think some SS and MH support is what she needs now. My feet are on solid ground. It will work out.

Happyme Mon 15-Feb-21 21:31:50

Yes Trisher, I have unfortunately had recent experience of this and things can get very nasty and complicated. My son knows he has my total support but I have also tried to keep lines of communication open with my DIL re GC though I never discuss anything else with her and am always civil. No matter how difficult that is.

trisher Mon 15-Feb-21 21:22:52

As the police took no action and he willingly left the property I suspect very little more than shouting had happened.

TrendyNannie6 Mon 15-Feb-21 21:21:57

I remember reading a post of yours think it was January, saying you weren’t sure how honest your son was being, I’m glad they are divorcing for the child’s sake as well as yours keepingquiet, hoping things will resolve soon

Happyme Mon 15-Feb-21 21:20:46

So sorry keepingquiet for the difficult situation you find yourself in. Is there a third party you can communicate with your DIL through to establish some contact re your grandaughter or are you able to send her a text message to ask if they are okay.
If I were you I would leave any suggestion of meeting with your GD for a few days to let the dust settle but may be condusive to future contact to let your DIL know you are there for support if needed, even if your instinctive loyalty is to your son.
How old is your GD and how is your own relationship to DIL?

MissAdventure Mon 15-Feb-21 21:18:40

Yes, I was just thinking that myself Trisher.
It depends what the daughter in law has said.

I was a bit hasty.
Apologies keepingquiet flowers

trisher Mon 15-Feb-21 21:14:47

I would once have believed that completely MissAdventure experience has taught me that a woman who wants to be rid of a man will sometimes use underhand methods.
keepingquiet your son needs to see a solicitor. Neither of you should approach your DIL. If you have a close friend or relative you can rely on ask them to contact her and arrange some practicalities like ways for him to see his child, collect belongings etc. It needs to be someone who can approach her quietly and not get involved in arguments.
You will be devastated. Stay strong. You don't know what has gone on and it isn't your problem, you need to support your son and help him through this and to be there for your GD. It will take time. If they are divorcing they will need to go to mediation and work out their problems. Good luck.

Summerlove Mon 15-Feb-21 21:12:08

That poor child

rafichagran Mon 15-Feb-21 21:12:01

Yes, I thought that Misadventure shouting is not illegal, as you say we only have one side of the story.

MissAdventure Mon 15-Feb-21 20:58:33

I suspect you're only being told one side of the story.
Shouting isn't illegal.

Tangerine Mon 15-Feb-21 20:34:05

This sounds awful for you and I am very sorry for you and your GD.

Is there more to this than first meets the eye though? It seems an extreme reaction to call the Police because your son shouted at your DIL? I am not suggesting it was right of him to do so.

Blue5 Mon 15-Feb-21 20:09:53

Sorry to hear this Keepingquiet . Its never easy when a family splits as I well know with my families situation . Just be there for your granddaughter if you can and if you have a someone to talk outside the family please talk to them. Take care

Babyshark Mon 15-Feb-21 19:35:44

Sorry Keepingquiet sounds like an awful conflict that your gc is stuck in the middle of. It must be very worrying for you. I hope you have someone supporting you?

keepingquiet Mon 15-Feb-21 18:50:49

DIL rang the police this morning. I had already set off to see them and when I got there the police were still there. My son was packing his bags. The police couldn't say much, but were just waiting for my son to leave. She rang the police because my son shouted at her. There was nothing they could do but wait for me to leave with my son and then they left.
After a great many phone calls I finally got through to social services and got my son to talk to them. They will now contact her.
He's here for some space but tomorrow he has to make plans.
I went to take my granddaughter to the park and I never even got to see her- poor little thing. Life is hard. Just about holding it together.