Really bleak

Haha Oopsadaisy1! You rumbled my name! It hasn't been in my nature to take a back seat- so I'm learning that as you get older no one really listens, so saying less but being more effective is my way to go. My son is not the monster DIL is trying to make out and neither is DIL the demon she seems to me to have become.
My son is going to see his sister for a few days (yes, he may get a fine but that is his look-out) and so I can try and approach DIL in my own way. I have been listening too much to what my son thinks I should do and not enough to my own voice. I know DIL has backed herself into a corner and she'll be finding things difficult, but we must slowly build a bridge together.
There is so much advice out there about living your own life, stepping away etc but there is a way to care for yourself as well as for others and that little girl really needs me.
I must put my own ego aside for a while. I am so grateful for having had this as a sounding board.
I hope it will be a turning point for positive things from here on. Fingers crossed.

Yes, go and see your DIL if you can and sit and listen, don’t take sides, or at least don’t let her see that you have taken your sons side.
Go from there, if you can ‘keep quiet’ you might be able to have a relationship with your Grandchild.

It is usually the mother who gets custody in the UK which is not too good in every situation so, yes, you need to keep the communication lines open- as if you didn’t know that I guess. How absolutely awful for you. I would be talking to a social worker about options and concerns if you can find one. They would help and support you - maybe your GP could refer you ? Hope things improve, I really do , because it is so cruel the whole situation.

Sorry you’re in the middle of this, it’s a very common situation these days, all you can do is don’t take sides, regardless of who you think is wrong. Eventually the fighting will settle down and there will be a routine, your son will get access, you can be part of that.
Your DIL is going to get custody so dont rock the boat.

thanks Sodapop- I have sought advice and had support from friends especially.
NellG I have always had concerns about the baby which is why I made sure I was in a bubble with them. Now she may prevent me seeing my grandchild but we haven't got there yet.
The police and SS were involved but my DIL is very clever and is blaming all her problems on my son.
I am in this for the long-haul, but just keep hearing how disregarded grandparents are. It is very depressing. I am not really sure whether I should ask my DIL if I can visit or just be more pro-active? I'm wondering about asking for a photo as I haven't seen her for almost a month.

Sorry to hear things have got worse. Do you feel the baby is at risk? ( Sorry can't remember how old the step son is, might he be at risk too?) If you do I think you have to call the authorities. Children have to come first, under any circumstance.

As for support for yourself, if there is some out there, take it. If there isn't there are confidential help lines out there with people who can at least listen, maybe even give some useful advice.

I hope things improve soon. Best wishes.

I'm sorry to hear things are more difficult now keepingquiet have you any family or friends who can help or advise you