Grandchildren moving house - distraught

You won’t have lost your dgc, there will be ways to see them, although maybe not as frequently. Spare a thought for those of us with grandchildren on the other side of the world. I often feel cheated out of the lovely relationship I had with my grandparents. On the other hand they live in an amazing country and have a lifestyle that many here could only dream of and that makes me happy.
Try not to get too anxious, think positive, think of their future and wait and see where they go. Then you can start planning how you can visit.

It’s difficult but you need to let them go and be happy for them. They can’t live their lives around you, I’m sure they have taken you into account so try not to take it personally. Equally although hard for you, they are trying to give their children a happy life. You can go and stay and enjoy time with them as a family, not just looking after the children.

We moved away to retire to the seaside which made me think we would miss family over 100 miles away. It's not been the case as before lockdown we were lucky to get 3 weeks on our own without family visitors. Even after lockdown our DD who is bubbled with us is here at least once a month. You can always visit and get B&B locally, take the DGC to the beach etc. If your nervous of driving on the motorway there's always another quieter route that's longer but slower moving traffic, or take the train or coach.

If you feel there’s nothing keeping you where you are and would like to be by the sea, why not move as well?

When my DD was 2, one set of grandparents moved to be by the sea. I was, at first, puzzled why they had moved away from their first grandchild. A few years passed and it was pointed out to me that, in terms of quality days, the seaside grandparents saw more of their grandchildren than the Nan who lived just 10 miles down the road from them. We visited that Nan about once a month, but we spent 4 full weeks and several weekends spread throughout the year with seaside grandparents.

It worked well for both sets of GPs and for us.

Please don't fret over this move, you will only harm yourself. I'm sure you will be welcome for holidays when you can spend quality time with you grandchildren. Sending love and support

I totally understand how you feel. After a loss I had depression and havi8my small granddaughter was the only thing that got me through. Not having seen her now hardly ever in the last year has been unbearable. So I fully understand how you feel. I can only say try not to feel panic I know you are feeling that. Very easy to say I know. But try to push the panic out of your mind. Have ypu told your family how you feel? If ypu have a good relationship with them I would. I am sure wheh and if it finally happens there will be countless times you can stay there and they can stay with you. Big chunks of grandchildren time?. I know it won't be the same but better than a lot. Try to keep your chin up( says the woman in tears every day). Best wishes.

Are you in a situation where you could maybe move nearer to them, if not you've always got the net to say hi on etc and letters, or maybe its your time to concentrate on you and find your own thing, at 57 I've found the x box and love gameing, but they won't forget you , hope all goes well in the future.

I understand your feelings.My daughter moved to Australia and I was bereft at the time. Now however ten years on I have a great relationship with my granddaughter. She has grown up with weekly FaceTime story times, we have put together a family history book, I help her with her school projects. I have of course visited Australia and they have been home many times and my granddaughter is so relaxed when we see each other. If you make an effort you will never lose the close relationship.

You are not losing them. My grandkids live over two hundred miles away from me. In two directions. I’m planning on moving closer to my youngest so will get quality time with his children. You should wish them well. For the last few years I’ve done what a lot of others do. I go visit them with suitcases full of gifts ?. But I also stay with them for a week or so. They get excited when I visit. I send each grandchild a parcel and a letter every month also video chats and I’ve got 5 of them ages 10 to 4months. In 3 different places. My youngest I’ve yet to meet due to covid and lockdown so will be hoping to meet her in may lol. One thing covid as taught us family important and you should enjoy your time with them.while they still live near by. Plus nothing stopping you moving closer to them that’s what I’m doing.

As the old advertisement said: 'Let the train take the strain'. I used to drive 150 miles at least once a month to visit my two sets of GC. Now I no longer drive long distances, I book myself a seat on a train and enjoy reading and doing crosswords. So much more relaxing than driving. Your GC are growing up and in no time at all will be teenagers who have their own lives - interests and friends. They will thrive in the healthier environment of the seaside and you could have lovely holidays visiting them. I rather envy you. I wish some of mine lived on the coast!

Oh dear, GranJan. It seems that all the ups and downs of the last year are really getting to you. After yesterday’s announcements by the PM I’ve suddenly got really excited about things I will be able to do again. First of all, you must get your confidence in driving back again. Go out for a short drive one day, then a little longer each day, until you feel happier. Just think, at the end of that drive will be your grandchildren and their mum and dad, and what’s better than a few days at the seaside to make you feel better. Onwards and upwards.

I think you are lucky that you will still be able to visit them, they're not leaving the country, & as previously stated, there's always public transport, just be grateful that they're not moving to Australia, you can still watch them growing up.

GranJan60 Firstly - a big hug. It will be a while before any move can happen (they have to decide on area, what accomm, where children will school etc etc and then the selling and buying) so you have no need to worry about not seeing them just yet. AND at the moment your confidence has taken a nasty knock through all this elderly and vulnerable stuff - a lot of us are with you on this. The brilliant thing is change is happening, you will soon be vaccinated (go for it - does wonders for confidence) life will slowly open up and you'll feel better as you get to do things. (I was getting worried I wouldn't cope with putting fuel in the car as it was so long since... - guess what - I managed it no problem). If you feel some of the advice on a bit of talking therapy etc could help - go for it, people don't judge the way they used to.

Just imagine the fun those children will have living by the sea, the fresh air, the different sea sports they can pursue and their joy. Isn't that what loving children is all about? Wanting their happiness even if it means you not necessarily getting what you want?
Of course it will be hard for you but try to be happy for the life they will lead. The time is coming when we will be more free to do things away from the house and meet up with other people.
As others have said, its a long way from a done deal. We want to move to be by the sea and there are a couple of things that are hampering us. It is difficult to find affordable property where you want it as seaside locations come at a premium. Many of the locations are heavily populated in the summer with limited roads in and out so traffic is a nightmare. In the South, many of the schools are over subscribed so primary schools are a nightmare to get into.
It maybe that when your family look into this closer the idea is far less attractive than the dream they have.

What you're feeling is to be expected. However, do try and be happy for them as you would have wished your own parents to be for you if you had relocated. Also don't waste time counting chickens that may never hatch. Ours tried to move for over a year before deciding to stay put and extend. Things should be a lot easier for everyone once lockdown is over.

Fancying and doing are completely different!

May I suggest that you have some counselling? Either privately, or have a word with your doctor who will be able to refer you on for some NHS counselling. You will probably be offered six sessions and from the details you have provided that should be just about the right amount. I believe some counsellors have started back doing one to one /face to face sessions but others are doing telephone counselling at the moment or electronic forms of face to face.
I believe it will be really worthwhile and will reduce your anxiety at the many different changes and potential feelings of 'loss' in your life. Good luck. xx

My family have moved to three different places in England through work. You never loose them. I've never managed a day visit like LyWa but the rest of what she says is so true.

Try to think positive now especially with the news yesterday.. Keep busy and talk as much to others as possible. Exercise is a good calming activity.

I used to drive (300 miles) but now use the train+plane. I will do that again.

It's as if there are few buffers when issues arise at the moment isn't it GranJan60? You would probably have tossed this about with volunteer colleagues or friends but it just isn't possible at the moment.

If your anxiety is limiting and affecting your life - as it seems to be with not wanting to go out - you should get in touch with your doctor and have a (probably online) chat. They may be limited in what they can do at the moment but it flags this up for them and I'm sure just talking it over will help.

It’s really not all bad news! My 3 grandchildren (8,5&2)did exactly that with their parents, moved to the coast. It is a long drive, but in better times I do go and visit them, I can JUST manage a day visit, but it does mean equal times with them and in the car. BUT the good news is that they come and stay (again, in better times), so I get them for a week at a time in each of the school holidays, not the little one so far but maybe soon? It is so wonderful to have them to ourselves, they snuggle up in bed with us first thing in the morning for a story, we go off exploring, have picnics, have craft sessions, play in the garden, all the fun things. They love helping prepare our meals and bath time is hilarious. Once they go home I am flat out for a few days, but those weeks are the highlights of my year. Look on the bright side, it’s not the same but it is good.

It is understandable that this potential loss on top of the current restrictions has made you anxious, stressed and down. Positive thoughts of the kind people have suggested can help. Eg “It’s not happening right now. It may not happen, If it does happen I will still be able to keep in touch and visit my family. As my grandchildren get older they can come and stay with me. When things are normal again, I will get my own interests back and develop new activities.” In the meantime anything that soothes and calms will help. Meditation, deep breathing, yoga, mindfulness, prayer if you have a religion, a helpline where you can talk to someone. Going out for a short walk is good. Doing some work in the house or garden. Best to make yourself do these things even if you don’t feel you want to. If things get very bad, you could consider speaking to your GP. Posting on here is good. A little cry can sometimes help one pick oneself up again. I’m sure you will adjust and cope whatever happens. This must happen to many others. We have to learn to accept however hard things may seem. This is such a difficult time for so many people. But people are resilient and I am sure you are too and these feelings will pass. I am so sorry you are having to deal with this at the moment. Best wishes and good luck.

There's always a silver lining to any change - get looking for it Gran, the kids will need your cheerful face not one full of gloom and anxiety !

this happens to a lot of us,at first we are grief stricken-i was! a friend gave me some good advice, don't follow them straightaway, they may come back.Visit them or they can visit you?
In time if they have settled in their new place, then you could join them.It is so difficult emotionally when they first leave. It does get easier in time,lots of people with families who move away feel an ache that i don't see how can go away?

I agree with crazygranny too. Although I have always been impulsive and just move when I have wanted to, a lot of my friends and family have planned to move away and it has either taken ages OR they have decided not to move in the end. BUT if they do move, you honestly will still see them and they will keep in touch and it will be such a treat to see Granny.

Plenty of good and positive advice for you on this thread. I’d just add to be happy that they’re not moving to Australia or NZ as my poor brother’s grandchildren have! Even without Covid (which has meant no physical contact for what what will probably be two years or more) they were understandably devastated esp. as the grandchildren were still quite young.