5 year old melt down

I agree with milliedog. Unless the child has some underlying medical problems this is not ‘normal’ behaviour for a five year old. I too, feel very sorry for the teacher who will have to cope with this kind of behaviour and try to ensure the safety of all the children in his/her class.

www.theworks.co.uk/p/kids-colouring-books/hello-happy-anxiety-workbook/9781783708994.html

These books work well for getting children to open up on what is worrying or upsetting them. DD found them useful in her job with children dealing with anxiety on varying levels.

DS used to have meltdowns because I wouldn’t buy cat food. He didn’t/doesn’t seem to have a particular affinity to cats and we didn’t have one. He also pulled all his bedcovers off once and threw toys around. I told him to let me know when he had tidied up and then we could have a talk.

Sounds fairly normal.

No it doesn't, for a five year old to behave in this way, unless there is more to his history.

The child's father dealt with this tantrum by taking the child to bed. Not saying anything was very wise, as the child would not have listened or be able to listen at the time.

Obviously this treatment worked as the child came downstairs twenty minutes later quite calm.

Or have I misunderstood? Was it the father who came downstairs again and said nothing?

Either way, your grandson is going through a phase right now, It could be due to the move or any amount of other things.

All you need to do, is to ask your daughter how she and your son-in-law want you to tackle a similar tantrum if one occurs when you are alone with the child.

Ask as casually as possible, so they don't feel you are criticising.

The little one may only allow himself to behave like this at home. If not, and you have no guidelines from his parents, pop him into the hall or a passageway and close the door in to where you are until he calms down.

You might want to make quite sure that there isn't anything he can hurt himself on in whatever place you choose.

This little boy was obviously very upset by something but he is 5 not a toddler as was said. He should have a good use of language unless he has additional needs and even if grandad did deny the boy the fun of building or even helping with the model he should have Ben able to express himself.
As an aside if you are in U.K. why were you having a happy family ( until this incident ) day during lockdown ?

My views were expressed very well by Milliedog
We expect the occasional tantrum from two year olds, but at five?
Especially as there didn’t seem to have been any reason for it.

There's lots of wise advice on here Cher69. The combination of new house, anxiety etc may have a lot to do with it. As the Dad handled it so well, it makes me wonder if these tantrums occur regularly and you just haven't seen a bad one before? I don't want to sound doomy and gloomy but if these meltdowns are frequent, something else may be going on.

I agree with Jillybird's suggestion that it might be a bit more complicated. Having a granddaughter on the autistic spectrum, I know that changes are very hard to handle for these children. The anxiety builds up and explodes even though everything may seem all right on the surface.

If it helps any my DGS has similar. I read an interesting fact in Steve Biddulph’s excellent book ‘ Raising Boys’ that the gland that produces testosterone in puberty undergoes changes about 5 years of age and that this may cause temper in boys of that age.

The answer to his behaviour is in your first sentence
My daughter has recently moved house
Your DGS is one of those children that doesn't adapt to change easily as it makes them very insecure. Some children follow the bereavement process of anger, tearfulness etc etc. My DD was like this when we moved house and school, and also when we were planning holidays. We decided to not tell her about one camping holiday, just packed the car, collected her from school, and told her we we're off camping. No tantrums, broken nights etc it worked well.
One of my DGC is moving school next week and is displaying the same behaviour as your DGC.
Best to keep calm, don't mention the new house unless they do, and remove anything he's breaking, take somewhere to calm down as your son did.
It's insecurity but it will pass.
HTH xxxx

This is not acceptable behaviour for a 5 year old. Yes. These are horrible times. All children are struggling to a certain extent. I have 6 young grandchildren, one of whom is 5. There is no way my daughter and son in law or my son and daughter in law would tolerate such appalling behaviour. After wrecking the meccano there would have been stern words and an insistence on an apology. Unless the child has diagnosed behavioral or developmental problems accepting such behaviour doesn't bode well for the future. I'm an ex infant and primary school teacher. I fear for his teachers when he returns to school.

My 4 year old GD has started having tantrums, mainly in shops when she wants her own way. She has recently been away on holiday, then had to stay at home, just as she was due to start Kindy, because of a Covid scare (Western Australia) She has now left her daycare, and all her friends, and started at Kindy. So many changes in her little life. It’s no wonder that she can’t cope, or find words to express her jumbled emotions.
In a little while she will, we hope, have settled into her new routine, and made new friends. The meltdowns will then, we hope, cease.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Your DGS may well be feeling insecure having moved house. There will have been quite an upheaval before the move and possibly for a fair while. He will also be missing out on contact at school, maybe not able to burn off energy as normal. Speaking about what happened once he has calmed down will be the only way to try to understand his actions but don't put too much store in him being able to express. He should just be told what the boundaries are, what to do if he is feeling like breaking/throwing stuff (tell an adult). Give him time.

He's just moved house - there is probably a lot of confusion that he does not know how to express.

I would be telling his Dad how well he did to stay calm and to deal with it so sensibly.

Poor child.

Moving is stressful, on top of the pandemic

His father managed it in a way you clearly do not approve of (he did well, btw)
Whether it was the right or wrong way, there is nothing you can do.

I'm surprised we're not seeing even more behaviour like this. Everyone is under pressure due to Covid and that applies to little children just as much as adults - maybe even more. We need to cut them some slack. Maybe remove breakable items, though!
Sounds as though dad dealt with it pretty well.

Very good replies.
Reminds me of Violet Elizabeth Bott in the Just William books "I'll scream and scream until I make myself sick!" but she was a bit older.
I've had meltdowns myself at times of stress - once smashed a cut glass bowl full of trifle I'd just made. Stupid.

Some helpful tips on here - also info to explain why people (not just 5yr olds tantrum)

sarahockwell-smith.com/2021/02/06/toddler-tantrum-101-how-to-understand-and-manage-tantrums/?fbclid=IwAR2oA8406B9YnYvQQ71cYzIxnHTOFFC0fTLynFOzrx-YCNPFfAHZ5znucA8

Here’s my comment Gilly1952
Dont you just love the people that say ‘we had good hidings didn’t do us any harm’. your lack of empathy for a small child getting a ‘good hiding’ at the hands of an adult is proof that it’s done you harm gilly1952
If you can’t see that as wrong then your compassion button has been well and truly damaged

Small children don't have an 'off' switch.......... he'll grow out of it (hopefully!!).
My daughter used to do brilliant tactics with her 2 boys when they threw tantrums - she'd say something totally unexpected like 'oh look there's an alien on the ceiling' which often stopped the tantrum dead in its tracks. Trying to distract them or divert them when they are having a tantrum is not easy but brilliant when it works!

With boys it may help to give them language to describe their feelings. At bedtime, before his story, my son and I would talk about what had happened during the day: e.g. "You were very cross when your ice-lolly fell off the stick before you had finished it - I can understand that because I used to feel furious if it happened to me too."

Yup, changes, pressures... I went through a horrible phase (don't think this level of upset is being naughty - it is frightening and exhausting). I think now mine was so bad because I am left handed (very) and they would not let me write left handed - so, frustration and unnecessary failure.

Life is upside down for him at the moment, isn't it? No school routine, no physical contact with wider family and friends, a new home and a sister who may be conforming to type at her age and being a Terrible Two. 5 year olds can't understand or handle their emotions so having a tantrum is their way of letting it all out. Trying to reason with a frantic child is useless. It's better to wait until they have calmed down and then settle down for a hug and let both sides say how they felt and why the tantrum happened.

I 've had this with my granddaughter when she doesn't want to do something. My DD was just the same. I just walk away and ignore her. She soon calms down and acts as if nothing had happened

How times have changed! When my brother, now 72 and myself (68) were children, if we had behaved in that way we would have been given a good hiding! Didn’t do us any harm! Obviously if a child has “issues” or such, then it can be a very different story. Now I will await your various comments!