5 year old melt down

I confess to flicking drops cold water over a teenager who had difficulty getting up for school in the mornings.
Apparently just flicking a few drops feels like a jugful and I only did it once.

It used to be advised to flick cold water onto the face of children who held their breath when having a tantrum.
A pitcher does sound like overkill.

MissAdventure

Smacking isn't, though, is it?
Asking for a friend.
Joking, obviously.

Nor is chucking a jug of cold water over a toddler.
I can't believe anyone would do that and post it as if proud of the fact!

Smacking isn't, though, is it?
Asking for a friend.
Joking, obviously.

Fortunately Gilly1952 giving children a hiding is against the law now.

My own daughter had such a horrible tantrum at about age 3 that she ended up passing out. She was so worked up she cried until she hyperventilated. That was quite a fright for me. It lasted only long enough for her brain to take over and realize that the body needed to breathe. A few seconds at most.

If this is unusual behavior for him, I remind myself that the kids are affected even more so than us adults right now. We can understand the need for changes to our lives, even if we dont like it.

It sounds as though dad took care of the situation very well. I am not sure I can give you advice other than provide love and understanding, boundaries and keep him away from items that he could hurt himself with?

You lucky people whose children never behaved like this, neither did mine. Count your blessings, it’s definitely the luck of the draw so there’s no point comparing or being smug. My DGC on the other hand does have tantrums occasionally, decidedly worse since the current isolation, fear and frustration, and it’s very worrying to see how upsetting it is for child and parents. Very well done to your SiL not to lose his cool too. I agree with asking them for advice about what to do if it happens when you’re in charge.

jeanrobinson

With boys it may help to give them language to describe their feelings. At bedtime, before his story, my son and I would talk about what had happened during the day: e.g. "You were very cross when your ice-lolly fell off the stick before you had finished it - I can understand that because I used to feel furious if it happened to me too."

I like that Jean. I'm sure if more of us were taught how to express our emotions from an early age there wouldn't be so many angry, frustrated people in the world.

Bluebelle - my comment was meant to be “tongue in cheek” and a spin off from the famous sketch where the men are trying to outdo each other by saying what difficult and even cruel upbringings they all had! I think it was from The Secret Policeman’s Ball and involved some of the Monty Python team. Your remarks about my lack of empathy and compassion are unkind - you do not know what sort of person I am! Any of my friends would describe me as very kind, loving and sympathetic. I had a very happy childhood with two parents who loved me very much - I am not the bitter and twisted person who you make me out to be!

Tantrums are normal, but they can be very frightening to the child. They don't understand what is happening to them or how much harm their anger can cause. Remaining calm like your SiL reassures them that however enormous their emotions, Daddy can cope.

Eventually, the little boy will learn to channel his anger better.

My son once had a tantrum. I got a pitcher of cold water and threw it on him. He was startled out of it and that was that. No more tantrums.

My daughter was the tantrum queen.
She grew out of it, and ended up normal.

Lilikemaho

I really cant believe some of the comments I have 3well adjusted adult son never did any of them behave like this wee boy and never once did my husband or I raise our hands to them sounds to me he's a spoiled little brat

A friend of mine has an autistic grandson. When out and about he may throw a wobbly and they get looks from passers by expressing the totally unsympathetic thoughtless comment you made.

Surely in this day and age with all the knowledge we now have about behavioural problems you could be a little less narrow minded?

' goes past himself' as my mum used to say

'Beside himself' is another expression, one my mum used.

Both explain the situation well.

Agree absolutely,

How I wish my SIL could act like your SIL when the children explode. It sounds like an excellent approach to quietly but firmly remove them from the room until they are ready to rejoin the more civilised beings!
Lilikemaho, the fact that your children behaved in a different manner to your children doesn't mean that they were better than the child who finds his frustration difficult to deal with. What would you expect his parents to do? Thrash his frustration out of him? You were lucky your children were less frustrated. All my children were brought up in the same way but one of them was always more frustrated than the others. She always wanted to do more than she could developmentally and so would get frustrated. She was totally unable to express herself and it looked like she was spoiled but she certainly wasn't.

I really cant believe some of the comments I have 3well adjusted adult son never did any of them behave like this wee boy and never once did my husband or I raise our hands to them sounds to me he's a spoiled little brat

In this case, the father was right. Take him upstairs, lie him on his bed and talk quietly or sit in silence until it stops.

Blubelle I was thinking just what you wrote.

Oh my goodness. What a lot of people who know best! Poor boy - obviously a lot going on in his life that he’s finding difficult to handle. Well done to you DIL for his cool and calm way of handling it. Like one of the other contributors, I too am a retired teacher and headteacher and I don’t think his behaviour was unreasonable in these extraordinary times. His father did just the right thing. He didn’t need to say anything or explain. He dealt with the situation in a very mature and emotionally intelligent way. If only more parents behaved similarly. I do understand your concerns for how you would manage the situation if you were looking after the child and think you should have a chat with him to see if he can give you any guidance or advice. I do hope all goes well for you and your family.

Summerlove
Hear hear

Am I the only one to think this is abnormal for a 5 year old? Acceptable in a 2 year old but there is more going on here. I’d be watching this little man very carefully, including who he is with, what he is eating and watching (as others have mentioned). I’d see this as a cry for help and a serious issue. Please don’t ignore it.

A “good hiding” is/was often more about the parent getting out their frustration on a child.

I’m glad today’s parents have mostly moved beyond hitting a child out of frustration.

Basically, adults having their own temper tantrum!

I have 6 year old grandchildren. One is charming and well behaved most of the time the other is currently refusing with a great big ‘no’, screaming and shouting and throwing things about. I’m quite concerned. However, at school she is well behaved and liked by her teachers. We’ve currently put it down to lockdown, home schooling etc. but I do have my doubts. We have to just wait and see if this behaviour passes. She has always been more volatile than her sister.

Just now everyone is feeling the lack of socialising so maybe your grandson is just very unsettled with all the changes and it will pass. Some younger children have far less self control than others but not getting sucked in and shouting is definitely the way to go. We just stop the child destroying things. It’s all so very difficult

I expect there are a lot of us at the moment that are often on the brink of a meltdown. But we aren't 6, and have the emotional experience that tells us how to get ourselves under control and not bite a passerby.
His dad sounds amazing and knew just what to do. I agree with the advice on here, and think you need to look at the run up to the tantrum. Were there signs that he was getting frustrated, and could you have done anything to head it off.
We have been looking after our 5 year old GS since schools closed, and although no tantrums, there are definitely times when he
' goes past himself' as my mum used to say. We have a corner with cushions, soft toys and a crochet blanket, where he can go and snuggle up, even punch poor old bagpuss if he feels like it. His place, his terms, somewhere he feels safe and maybe designed himself.
I remember seeing a chill out tent once in a primary school , which they said worked for some of their pupils. Teachers were keen to use it too, but had a comfy corner in the staff room.

No need to over-think this. Kids have meltdowns. Sounds like this one was handled well enough.