6 Year Old Grandson Out of Control

As a retired teacher and grandparent to a 6yr old boy, my first thought would be for his parents to contact his class teacher and other staff who work with him. School is highly structured and coming home is like lifting the lid off a pressure cooker. Sometimes my grandson comes out of school in a foul mood, won't speak to me and throws himself on the sofa when we get in. He is usually hungry, tired out and just wants to rest quietly. Other children have different coping mechanisms to deal with the pressures of their school day. He might benefit from some time with a pastoral care teacher and might then be able to talk about his need for these extreme behaviours. Good luck x

I am only speaking from experience, here, and not suggesting that this is the case concerning your grandson.

When my grandson was 2 he began the "terrible twos" that went on until he was 12! He was finally diagnosed with mild autism. Crowds sent him in to a frenzy, as did last minute changes to plans, or a pair of socks in the wrong drawer. As soon as this was realised, things were changed and he became much calmer.

I hope it works out for him.

Only a thought. Is this like anyone else in the families? Could he be so bright he is getting frustrated and bored?

Thank you all for your input, just to clarify, he's been homes-chooled all through lockdown alongside his older sister. Considering his extreme behaviour in contrast to his sister's, never ever have any of us compared them in terms of behaviour or in any other way, they are just so different. Oscar has been a handful since the moment he could move himself, he would be put down for a nap and would strip the bed and throw the sheets over the safety gate at the door, followed by the mattress, his idea of playing was to pick up a box of toys, tip it upside down on the floor and walk away laughing. Thankfully he's outgrown all of that. He's an extremely active little boy, once he gets up in the morning he's like a coiled spring full of recharged energy and raring to get moving. When he's talking to you he's hopping from foot to foot, if you ask him to fetch something he'll run for it and run back. We can't blame it on diet, he eats extremely healthily - by his own choice. Take him to the supermarket and he's asking Mum to buy peppers, melon, strawberries, salad etc. He has positive relationships with both parents (he idolises his Dad especially) and whilst he torments his sister, there's a lot of love between the two. It's just how do you get through to him in a way that he'll take on board that his behaviour isn't acceptable?

As others have said if there was a behavioural problem it would show itself at school as well as home. You say he has an 8 year old sister. Do they have a good relationship? He may think she is his parent's favourite and that she can do no wrong. In his eyes he may feel she gets more attention than he gets so does things which will bring a reaction and therefore attention. My first point of call would be the GP who could refer him to a pediatrician or child psychologist. Good luck. I hope this can be sorted for all your sakes.

How do his parents treat his sister ? Is she always held up to him as being the "good" one and gets all the praise when at home?
Perhaps he has got to the point where he feels he doesn't get the same attention so does things so outrageous that they will have to pay attention to him.
I just wonder if you sit him down and have a quiet chat with him, when you can and see if he knows why he behaves this way.
We had something similar with my brother's twins - the boys was constantly breaking toys, throwing things etc and my SiL was constantly asking him why he couldn't behave like his sister!
My DD sat him down one day and had a quiet chat with him while I explained to SiL that why she shouldn't keep praising her daughter to the detriment of her son - sh had no idea she was doing it!
It worked for us!

Has he ever stayed with you? and if so has he exhibited the same behavioural issues?

It sounds like he is seeking attention, either that or he has a problem and should be referred to a child psychiatrist. Sorry can't be more help than that.

Ask the school for support and a clear picture of what he is like there. His behaviour at home is dangerous and destructive, and a professional should be able to give advice on how to cope with it, and unpick the reasons. If he has been attending school regularly during lockdown, perhaps he resents being there when classmates are at home.
Definitely seek advice and listen to it.

This must be so exhausting his parents and worrying for you.
If this behaviour is out of character (I get the impression it is a recent thing as he's 8 years old) then I would say there is more going on here.
One of the incidents was straight after he came home from school.
I would try and see if there is a pattern. How is he when he isn't doing these things- is there any contrast in good v bad behaviour?
I would certainly advise contacting school as this could be a bullying issue. School should have some mentoring system in place and would certainly be able to observe and monitor him at break time etc. School reports won't give you much detail about his peer relationships etc.
Although things are very difficult now I'm sure getting help and advice should start now before his behaviour escalates any further,

Have the parents spoken to the school, and asked for support, the fact that he is managing his behaviour at school is not particularly indicative that there isnt an issue that needs looking at. If they are a good school they would be able to offer advice and access to other professionals if necessary.

It might be worth listening to what everyone is saying to him, it can be harsh when you realise how often family are saying negative things to him or comparing him to his sister. Praise for the good things however small is the way to go. Even well done for eating your meal/ sitting down etc. I say this as mum to two good little girls and a son!

Ouch that’s a hard one. You say he’s good at school and works hard - so it wouldn’t appear to be an innate behavioural problem. It may therefore be a reaction to something, either at home or at school, that he is unable to articulate in any other way. Is he attention seeking? Do you know what the routine is normally when he gets home? Are there any problems that you are aware of within the family ? How is he with you - I know it’s so hard at this time of covid but have you been able to spend time with him? Children respond to rewarding good behaviour rather than punishing bad .... if they get a chance to do so ! Look beyond the immediate and obvious presentation of his behaviour and how to stop it , to what might be triggering it. As a first start they should talk to his teachers. There is also a lot of help online if you look. All the best, it must be very distressing for you.