My Grandson does NOT love me

I looked after my Grandson full time from the age of 9 months, when his Mum went back to work. I still meet him from school every day, but instead of kisses and cuddles, I have now become familiar with Harry Potter games on his Nintendo and we usually play it together after school. So the relationship has changed but we are very close in a different way.

Really hard on you. It breaks my heart you feel like this but you must understand he is his own little person and you need to respect his boundaries. It's a confusing time for the little ones with the 'rules' about contact and hugs etc. Most important thing is you take time to talk to him, be interested in him and give him lots of warm smiles. Keep it light, he's learning about himself.. Its not worth letting this affect your relationship with him, but nothing wrong with having a private cry.

I always wait for children to come to me and accept if they choose not to. I do try to have something interesting in my bag though....

Agree with rolypoly55; fairyamma is clearly distressed. Growing up is one thing, being frankly rude is another. Yes recognise he may need more space, but suggest this kindly. There may be more going on than we know.

Testing your unconditional love perhaps (a bit like a teenager)? Just a thought. Perhaps be there, but let him come to you.

I do find some of these comments very harsh to a lady that just wants a cuddle from her grandson. Yes...he is growing up and getting a mind of his own but he is still a child and should show a bit more respect and not be so rude. If I heard my kids say "You heard me and not now ," to their grandparents I would not stand for it .

*He's NEVER rude to her.(typo)

It could be two things together- it could be now he's a bit older he doesn't want the over- fussing, but also, if the covid situation is one he doesn't fully understand, (who would between 4-6)? then maybe he doesn't understand why all of a sudden you could not be around for him for months, so is cross at you for that? As another post said, we don't know how their little minds work, do we?- my own youngest child however has never been one forgiving out hugs & kisses to relatives (he's nearly 18 now) but his nanna has always been very keen to get him to give hugs, kisses,& its driven him further away over the years.(we didn't see her often as we live 90 minutes drive away) but still even now I've to make him ring her up& chat.He's never rude to her, but he clearly doesn't feel close at all.He is not overly demonstrative with anyone.its just how he is.Boys seem to be less 'huggy' than girls I've found.I've a few of each.

The title here is very dramatic.

Having said that, I cried when my grandson didn't recognise me in the summer after the 1st lockdown.

It is upsetting when they appear to reject you but it won't be you... it could be covid, maturation or maybe he heard a friend say it's babyish to let your grandparents hug you.

Don't show him you're upset, offer him a fist pump and make him some cookies!

A little cry in private is fine but don't let it consume you.

I think you need to consider why you equate a 6 year old child's behaviour towards you with "love". What you describe is, as others have said, part of him becoming his own person. If he is being rude, socially inept etc he needs support with that. But YOU are the person equating this point in his development with love.

He is just being 'his own person'. Would you like someone to pat you on the head? I know I wouldn't. Give him space and don't force yourself on him.

I can understand how hurt you must feel. The last year has been so hard for all of us, children especially. I think a lot of children must be so scared and angry with the way their world has suddenly changed and do not really know how to express that fear or anger. If like a lot of us we have had to be socially distanced from your grandson perhaps he feels that you have abandoned him?
I would however add that for a six year old to say to an adult “you heard me” and “your annoying me” is extremely rude and it should be explained to him that comments like those are not acceptable, to anyone let alone his grandmother.

Naughtynanny
Why do you say body autonomy is for the parents?

I do it for my kids, so they know nobody can touch them without their permission.
Even their doctors ask for permission.

What you teach a kid while growing up will stay with them the rest of their lives.
If you tell a kid he/she has to be touched/hugged/ tickled even if they dont want it, it puts them at risk of sexual abuse, physical abuse, etc., because they were taught to never say no.

On Friday night I picked my son up from his activities week, he threw himself into my arms, I swung him round and he told me how much he'd missed me. That night he went off to scout camp. On Sunday I went to collect him from the camp, stepped forward to give him a hug whereupon he ducked, walked away and was quite churlish. I thought he was upset about something so didn't really think about it but he never willingly gave me a hug again until he went off to Uni.
I'll admit, I was hurt but I never made a big thing about it because I know it is just a stage kids go through. That moment might have come for you and to persist would be tantamount to saying that he doesn't get a say who touches him and who doesn't. Your "touch" is innocent but how will he know if another's touch isn't? Accepting his preferences will allow him to stay safe from predators and your role is crucial. That is far more important for him than your needs and you can be proud of the part you play in this if you accept it gracefully.

He might have heard that hugs and kisses are not very sensible during a pandemic. He might even be worried about you contracting COVID or giving it to him.

My son stopped appreciating public displays of affection at about the same age. He was quite happy to show affection indoors. He now gives me giant bear hugs when we meet but I haven’t seen him or his toddler daughter for a year now.

My 6' 1" 14 year old GS will still occasionally leave the sanctity of his bedroom to sit on my lap. Not quite as comfortable as it was when he was a baby but I suppose it shows he still cares!

He's growing up and isn't wanting to be treated as a toddler now - that's typical, and healthy behaviour from a 6 year old!! Doesn't mean he doesn't love you.

Been there, done that, bought the T shirt. My advice is a "Hello love" and a "Goodbye love"
He will come around when he feels right to him.

One of my nieces used to visibly jump (from age 4-ish) when I moved forward to give her a little hug or a peck on the cheek, I could see she found it uncomfortable. The last thing I wanted was for her to feel she 'had to' give in to other people's advances even though she preferred not to.

It is very important boys and girls get to choose when and with whom they want close contact, don't ever force yourself on a child even in a way that you think is from a position of love. They need to know and feel what saying no means and getting the result they want

My niece and I now joke about our greeting. We do a 'mwah, mwah' air kiss over each other's shoulder and very occasionally a blown kiss or a 'self-hug-hug' from a distance.

She thinks its funny and our way of showing affection without it getting too close. I hope as she is now a teenager that she can have confidence in saying 'no thanks' or 'get off' with aplomb!

Definately think some kids grow out of the cuddly stage which could be viewed in a positive light which suggests their need for independence. It can be harder on nans that have enjoyed that emotional connection with their grandchildren. As others have said let him have his space but be there for him in other ways. Relationships change and develop over time so although he may not want a cuddle or chat he will appreciate your interest in him over time.

could be this is what he hears at home; what he is experiencing. Lots of pressure for everyone this year. everything has changed for everyone. I hear you! Ive cried too.

I would acknowledge to him that you have realised he doesn’t want hugs from you anymore, and that you miss them. However, you will respect his decision but that if he ever changes his mind your hugs are still on offer. Children go through all sort of phases, sometimes they last. Mostly they don’t!

There seems to be a new culture amongst young parents now about 'respecting children's space'. I'm wondering if this could be more about the parents than the child. Obviously, I realise that one of the parents must be YOUR son or daughter, but maybe their partner is exerting their own thoughts onto your Grandson. That age range is as someone else pointed out, a transitional time from 'baby' to the little growing boy with his own mindset.
Don't worry, honestly, it will pass, and it could just be a natural progression that he wants to be seen to be more independent and not 'needing' Granny cuddles.
It doesn't mean he doesn't love you, don't overthink it too much. x

Of course he loves you, you’re his granny! He’s just being honest about his current needs and feelings. Would you rather he pretended? It’s healthy for a child to set his or her own boundaries!

I’d do as others are suggesting, and back right off the physical affection - let him take the lead in deciding what activities to share. Find other ways of expressing your special relationship.

My son got terribly embarrassed and upset because his son - our first grandchild - used to immediately ask me ‘Where’s grandpa?’ if I answered the phone when they FaceTimed. I was CLEARLY not the favourite grandparent! We do have a really close relationship now, though. Childhood lasts a very long time, and I do feel I’m so fortunate having GCs.

I am sorry you are going through this, but I am certain your grandson does love you.

However, this little lad is six and trying to stand on his own feet and be a big boy. You need to accept that he does not want to be patted on the head, and I would hold my horses regarding cuddles and kisses too for a while.

Probably some other boy has told him that only babies kiss and cuddle grandma!

Anyone, child or adult, who said, "You heard me" to me, if I repeated a question I had already asked and had an answer to, would be told politely that they were being rude.

If he is saying, "You heard me" instead of answering you, point out, kindly but firmly that that is not actually an answer to the question that you just asked, and that a politely phrased question deserves an equally polite answer.

The fact that you have not seen him treating anyone else in the way he is treating you, does not necessarily mean that he isn't doing the same with others.

Don't tear yourself to pieces over this. It is a phase, that will pass.

Have you asked one of his parents if they know why this is happening? They might have an inkling, and perhaps an idea of how best to tackle it.

I myself feel that rudeness should be checked, but that no child who feels too old for physical demonstrations of affection should be forced to submit to them.

I was much his age, when I objected to having to kiss all my parents' friends good night, and my mother sensibly agreed I could stop doing so, as long as I wished them good night politely.