My Grandson does NOT love me

Fairyamma, I know how you feel, I also have a 6yr old grandson who went through a spell like this and it hurts. I have been homeschooling him and we have had good and bad days but when he started back at school he actually said he wished he could still go to grandma's school. It's part of growing up I think, I usually ask if I can hug him and he doesn't always say yes! He does still love you I'm sure, how could he not xx

I have 5 x grandsons now aged between 17-31 and I can assure you this little man loves you but he is growing up and mixing with other children (if he is at school) picking up their ways and traits.

Both my eldest DGs where very open with their affections and still are at 29 & 31 the middle 2 have never been over generous with hugs but always tell me how they love me,the youngest at 17 is a duplicate to Kevin but I know he loves me,younger boys just don't understand the concept of love I think I would just leave him alone and it will right its self in time.

I'll echo what most have said---he's growing up and beginning to understand lots of things that'll be overloading his brain.
He'll come to eventually so don't force the issue.
Wait until he's a teen

M0nica's post sums quite succinctly relationships that I share with my 6 and 7 year old grandsons.

I make sure that I am clued up on all their interests.
Starwars, Captain America Dinosaurs volcanoes etc etc.

Infact its amazing the facts that a 6 or 7 year olds can teach a grandparent.

I would just like to add that at this moment in time,
it has been drilled into little ones the dangers of covid19
HAND and SPACE especially the 2 metre rule!

Boys go through a weird stage about this age. Try offering him a hand shake. He may find it odd & say why don't you hug me any more or he might just accept it.
I had a similar problem with my DGSs when they were this age & now as young men they hug me ( & say 'dear little Grandma'- I am 5'7" but they are both well over 6' I threaten to punch them in the knees from down here)
Give it time & don't be sad- he is just growing up & asserting himself.

I can sympathise with how you feel rejected but I'm sure it's just a phase and part of him growing up. Show him your affection in less physical ways. Be interested in whatever he is interested in, ask him to show you things or tell you about things. He is probably beginning to want to be treated as more "grown up" and is uncomfortable now with hugs and cuddles. I'm sure he DOES still love you but is just feeling irritated by your hands on shows of affection, and being a child, he has no tact, of course!

I thought that too, @rolypoly and have done before. I’ve only ever posted here once and that was enough. Lol

My grandson is 9 and hasn’t let me give him a cuddle for a long time, but now his 3 yr old brother who copies everything he does says no to unless he has fallen over etc I think boys may be less cuddly than girls.
By the way I don’t think it was an over reaction to cry after he said those things to you, I would have to
Some of us are more emotional than others.

Fairyamma rascalsgran I agree with you. A 6 year olds perspective on the virus is quite different to ours. He’s been told to socially distance. He’s seeing his nearest and dearest wearing masks. The world must look mighty strange to him. I would give him space, don’t make an issue about how you feel - within his hearing. Just ‘be’ rascalsgran for the moment. A few reassuring comments- to him to let him know you love him and are there for him when he needs your help - is all that’s needed at the moment. It will all come right, just try to be patient! And we GNers are here when you want to rant! X

My DGS is 5 and is also demonstrating a changed attitude towards me - even to the extent of getting hysterical and screaming "I hate HER"... He barely tolerates being in the same room as me, let alone cuddles - it's heartbreaking and unwarranted as far as I can see. I haven't seen him as regularly as I'd have liked during Covid but his mother suffers from mental health issues and hasn't helped the situation at all. I feel for you fairyamma I really do

I agree with aonk. I think it is important to involve yourself in what young children are currently interested in and encourage them by looking up things for them or buying them a book or small toy. My young grandson is very knowledgeable about insects and bugs and I have learnt a lot with him exploring the garden with a magnifying glass!

I think 6 is quite old for hugs and kisses.
My granddaughter went through a phase when she would only allow her mother to hold her hand or brush her hair which was very upsetting for her her father , let alone her grandparents , but she soon grew out of it !

All kids are so different I have two 19 yr old grandsons, cousins, one will give me the biggest bear hug always, even if I meet him in the street I ll get gathered up, ? when my other one was about 8 (I don’t see him much for geographic reasons) his mum and dad said don’t hug him wait for him to come to you I don’t think we ever have hugged a little brief one on meeting or going but that’s all
Don’t push it at all take your lead from him and be very aware that things constantly change, it probably feels bad to you because you had so much contact, but be prepared that he will pull away and it’s nothing to do with love it s a natural progression and each age will bring new ones and he may pull away more and the more you try to bring him back to your little special one the more he’ll pull away
Stop taking it personally

One of my grandsons behaved in much the same way with me.
I was annoyed at first but decided to stop trying so hard and leave him alone.
It’s a phase that has passed and I think he was dealing with inner struggles.
Try not to take it quite so personally.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I wouldn’t worry about it - kids are notoriously contrary! Mine live in Spain so we FaceTime all the time - if my 4 y/o gd is in the mood she’ll chat on for ages - if not she won’t even look at the screen! ?‍♀️ You can’t take offence or worry about it - you just have to ignore it or you could be making it a bigger deal than it is then make it into an awkward situation. They are forever going through little phases .... and some little blighters know how to be a bit devious even at an early age and learn how to play you!
I would suggest just ignoring it, don’t offer hugs and kisses if he doesn’t want them - just shrug it off. Just think of interesting things to do with him like zoo trips or park, or just a country walk. Maybe he thinks he’s a big boy and mollycoddling is for babies, who knows! They change with the wind!
It won’t be a reflection of his feelings for you at all - he will still love you to bits.
Just let him know that you are available for kisses and hugs if he ever feels the need for some!

Our grandson is nearly four and exactly the same with my husband. He refuses to hug him. My husband begs for a hug only to be rejected. Then our grandson will come and hug me. I tell my

husband not to ask for hugs,as I don't. Our nine year old gd will often say we annoy her. Power for the course I think. Try and ask less of your gs and he may come to you. They are fickle creatures!

My DH always says that boys and men bond by sharing interests and activities. I believe this is true and suggest that you find something your GS likes and attempt to embrace it. I have no interest in dinosaurs but I’m good at pretending and have learnt a lot about them from my GS! Just let him lead you and share your love by doing things together.

He's growing up. Don't do things he's not happy with. Let him come to you and find a happy middle ground. I don't think its because he doesn't love you, but in his little way he is establishing boundaries. I would respect them

i am not sure if this is entirely a genuine question. it sounds odd to me. i may be wrong, what do others think.

I think it’s your question that seems odd, rather than the OP’s.

I agree with others, OP. Give him space, don’t hover over him. I’m sure it’s more tempting to fuss over an only grandchild (if he is such?). I’ve got six grandsons. I can be flavour of the month at the start of the day and ignored by the lot of them by the end.

I just want to reassure you this is just part of being a child and completely normal (whatever that is.)
I have experienced this with all of mine. I once asked one of them if he would treat his other granny that way, he said I wouldn’t dare. Anyway, she wouldn’t care as she doesn’t like me. (she isn’t very close to her grandkids)
I think the fact he shows his emotions to you is because, in fact, he loves you very much and feels safe and comfortable to be who he is and to express how he feels.
All of my grandkids have gone through this and one still takes it out on me sometimes. I do remind her to be respectful but she told me the other day “Nanny I love you so much you are my world don’t die nanny will you. (she’s five). My grandkids adore me but they are only human.

He`s growing up,it`s natural for some children to go through a stage of not wanting a hug etc.
Give him space.

Could it be because he knows that hugs aren't really allowed at the moment? Little ones hear all about Coronavirus all the time and I know our own boys aged 8 and 6 were very concerned, they are much happier now they are back at school and their lives feel a bit more normal. Don't fuss him and I'm sure he'll be his affectionate self given time.

My youngest grandson isn't physically demonstrative but is a warm and caring little boy. He is a quiet thoughtful boy, self contained, a little shy outside the family but a strong, happy personality. Now he is at school, [a big boy], what makes me smile is how he sits next to me on a sofa and ends up closer and closer until he is pushing right into me. This is permission for me to put my arm around him. Other times he comes over to talk to me and leans against me so we are physically close. He also likes to wrestle so there is a lot of contact and touch between us. It's very sweet. But cuddle and kiss? He is self conscious and uncomfortable now though [especially if someone is watching]. It's about what is comfortable to him, his body, his boundaries.

This is what happens OP when the grandchildren grow up. They form their own opinions and what they feel ok about and what they don't. They are individuals with their thoughts and feelings and needs not puppets or cuddly toys to make you feel better/fill you needs. He is telling you who he is...listen.

It changes as the years go by and you need to curb your hysteria and self entitlement/ownership of him as there are going to be many more phases, changes and periods of growth in front of you both. [Especially when 13-14, in my experience for example. Be prepared].

A big hug when you arrive. the same as you give his parents, then stand back and ignore him for an hour. then offer to play a board game or two.

Oh I would say it’s completely natural he is growing up and knows he can stop any physical interaction he doesn’t want. My grandson is exactly the same he’s 6 and for the last few months has been very verbal when he wants to be hugged or tickled or doesn’t! When he didn’t I was told I no uncertain terms! He would also complain to his mam about me (my daughter)! Yes it hurt but you’ve got to remember he’s only 6 and is testing his boundaries usually with the person he feels safe with. He knows u love him and I’m sure he loves u. Perhaps just give him some space and he will come round. But I do know how u feel so hugs from me to u.