My Grandson does NOT love me

He is growing up and changing and you need to change with him. What is appropriate with a baby and toddler may go on until 4 but not by 6 and he will change again and again as he grows up. Just enjoy him as he is. I hated being hugged as a child- especially being expected to hug.

You sound very needy and insecure. He’s a child, you probably are annoying him by being so needy. Just relax and enjoy him.

My grandson is the same way. It’s even harder because his parents are split with 50/50 custody. Things have been said on the other side of the family, he hears and takes it all in. For years it has broken my heart. He is now 7. I am trying to give him space. If he wants to play with me he decides. If he wants to hug or tell me he loves me, it’s up to him. Being a grand parent is not easy at times. Believe me I feel you! The joy I feel when I look at his precious face does out way the pain. I just wish the families could come together for his benefit. You are not alone in your pain. Hugs

I agree with others that this is the perfect age to teach consent. Some children just don’t like being touched so much or it being demanded of them. I remember very well how much hugs and kisses from anyone but my parents made me uncomfortable and shy. There nothing wrong with not wanting to be touched. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. It means he is a growing individual with bodily autonomy. This is an important lesson not only for himself, but also as he grows up to be a man.

I've noticed a number of these type of threads which are problematic in nature and the OP never returns.

that's one of the reasons i wondered if it was a genuine problem, some pages back, along with the startling lack of self-reflection., and the highly provocative title...
? another set em up and watch how many fall for it maybe.

I don’t know if anyone’s noticed ( or doesn’t care) but the OP hasn’t replied to any posts.

some like to ride a high horse.
? danger of falling off, with a bump.

I prefer to say "I don't like you talking to me like that, it upsets me" rather than "I won't be spoken to like that" it's funny how a turn of phrase changes the dynamics of a conversation.

It all sounds a bit intense, perhaps just try to lighten up a little.
However rudeness should not be ignored
Perhaps a sentence such as ‘ yes you are probably a bit old for that now. ‘
I think I would then add a sentence something along the lines of, But I will not be spoken to like that.

When I was little, I didn't see the point in hugging or kissing people. I did love my cats though and would pick them up for a hug and kiss their little heads at any opportunity. Children like to be respected in terms of personal space. It starts very young so it's worth remembering that. I used to have my chin 'chucked' by parents friends and didn't mind that so much!

Children can't always express what they need to say at 6 years old , their vocabulary isn't sufficiently developed at 6, so they will come out with what makes sense to them, or what they've learnt from others . Children shouldn't be forced to hug and kiss anyone if they don't want to, it's not pleasant to force them into it. I remember hating having to kiss my granny as I found her wrinkled face distasteful, not because I didn't like her , it's just how I saw things through A child eyes . When my grandchildren have told me not to hug them, I've just casually said "ok I won't " then on leaving I've said " can I have a hug " they either will or won't it's no big deal . They usually come to me if they need a hug . I do sometimes ruffle my grandsons head though , but it's only because he has his hair cut so short that I like the feel of it. To which I sometimes get a "gerroff" but he laughs because I tell him it's a good stress ball. I do respect their wishes though. If you don't, they'll end up wanting to avoid you altogether .

Thirded. I think OP is the rude one here, sorry.

I agree with summerlove

I guess I don’t see “rude” the same way.

He’s a boy who is using his words to stop unwanted behaviour. It sounds like he’s said no quite a few times prior to this incident.

I agree some of the answers are a bit harsh. Fairyamma is asking for help! He is being rude to you and he needs to know that's not acceptable. Try to enjoy other things for a while and I'm sure he'll come to you with a hug when hes ready

Patting a child on the head seems to upset so many on here. I ruffle my grandson's hair which he tolerates. The moment he indicates he doesn't like it, I'll apologise and not do it again. Surely all this touching (appropriate touching!) is about consent. If the child doesn't like it, don't do it. If the child is happy, carry on. I think it is also perfectly acceptable if the child is rude to say that I won't do it again but could he ask me nicely in future. However, let's face it, if somebody touched you out of hand, you'd probably be quite rude just because anxiety would flare at the situation. Maybe he feels the same.

I wouldn't pat a dog on the head, and certainly wouldn't pat a human of any age. Hugs aren't something to be equated with love, and not something you can demand another person should tolerate. Give the child some space and try to respect his desire not to be patted and hugged, he isn't a teddy bear.

I agree with Summerlove I did not like being expected to hug people that I did not want to as a child. He is just finding his own space and doing what he feels comfortable with.

It's normal behaviour for a six year old, I would think.

It may have nothing to do with you more to do with the messages that you have to avoid people so as not to catch Covid or infect those around them

Well said

I hug all my grandchildren as soon as they walk in the door, I’ve hugged them from day one, 3 of them are boys now...9,10 & 12. I’ve had a few occasions were they’ve ran past as they’ve come in the door, but I just call them back and give them a big squeeze, sometimes it’s returned or sometimes they’re in such a hurry to fuss over our dog it’s half hearted. I don’t ask them for a hug, or ask their permission to give them one, I’m a hugger!!! I give them one and perhaps a few more while they’re in, then I do the same as they leave. I will admit the best ones are when they just come to me and give me one. I’m puzzled why he’s being a bit mean to you, and who doesn’t want their grandkids to love them, but I’m the type of gran that ( even at 6 years old) I’d ask him why, and if it was just a simple “I don’t want to” I’d say “ ok” and leave it at that. Sometimes children recognise our needs and can play up to them to have a bit of control, so don’t fuss or attempt to try too hard to get round him. Ignore it ( as hard as it seems) and he will come round or just get through this wee phase. I wouldn’t let him dictate whether you hug his little sister, and I wouldn’t let him off being cheeky, he would be told in no uncertain terms, being rude isn’t acceptable. If I knew I hadn’t done anything wrong to make him behave this way, I wouldn’t let it get to me. He will settle, he’s only 6... so still a little fish trying to swim ahead of himself.

I hit post too soon

As with any childhood experience I’m sure others who dealt with the same thing I did now feel that it didn’t do them any harm and they expect it from others.

I wonder if so many people have such a problem with children having bodily autonomy because they were never allowed to have it as children.

I remember being forced to hug people that I had no desire to hug as a child.

As a result my children were taught from very young that they did not have to hug anybody or engage in any physical touching if they did not want to. They had to be polite, but that does not include touching.