Gransnet forums


grandparents to unmarried couples children

(10 Posts)
madeleine45 Mon 15-Mar-21 15:46:50

My concern is that many people do not choose to get married and that is their choice. However unless they put something in a will and their wishes in writing, should the worst things happens and the couple are killed in an accident ,particularly if you are the mans parent ,you can end up having no right to visit or be in touch with your grandchild. You may have looked after them for the majority of the time , taking them to school or looking after them on an regular basis, Yet in such a sad situation you may find that you have no right to keep being part of their lives or be able to say you know what the parents wanted and be able to ensure that their wishes are followed. You can get on well with everyone and no major problems but I have been a volunteer hospital car driver for 10 years and hear some very sad stories of this type of thing happening. Young people can see themselves as invincible and they do not need to make a will , or they say they dont have enough money to warrant making a will, but having clear instructions regarding their children and also their wishes to be an organ donor is a much more important thing to discuss and make decisions about and at least you are clear as to what the person really wanted. If it was seen as something that everyone should do as an adult , it would ensure that some thought is given to these possibilities.

keepingquiet Mon 15-Mar-21 15:52:39

I'm not quite sure what you are saying here? If my children pass way then if they are not married (as my son) then anything he owns goes to the government? Is that what you are saying? The child, due to parents not being married, would not be entitled to my son's estate?
I'm not sure that's right.

Babyshark Mon 15-Mar-21 17:18:42

Being married provides no guarantee that your contact with a grandchild will be maintained if your ac child sadly dies?

PaperMonster Mon 15-Mar-21 17:30:05

Your grandchildren’s parents being married doesn’t guarantee that you’ll see your grandchildren as you did before in the event of the parents’ deaths. I’m not married to my child’s father and, also, I’m not young! But upon her birth we made a will which specifies who should look after our child should we both die. It is also my intention to have some instructions as to her upbringing - which I appreciate won’t be legally binding, but my child is old enough to know now what my wishes would be and arsey enough to use the instructions if required!!

Jaxjacky Mon 15-Mar-21 17:36:29

I think maybe what the OP meant is a guardianship clause in a will, this can state parental wishes for education, residence, medical etc as well as assumption of parental duties.

Floradora9 Mon 15-Mar-21 21:45:21

Married or single parents should make a will and designate who will look after their children if both were to die . Oh course your money does not go to the government just because you are not married. It only goes to the government if there are no relatives at all .

grannyactivist Mon 15-Mar-21 21:52:02

My children have each designated a sibling to care for their child/ren in the case of their own premature death and this is stipulated in their wills.

welbeck Tue 16-Mar-21 01:18:04

there is also the matter of inheritance tax.
if they are not married, it usually means the house must be sold to pay the tax, thus causing greater stress and upheaval to the survivors.

CanadianGran Tue 16-Mar-21 02:59:36

Not only with death of a parent, but often with splitting of parents, grandparents can be cut off from grandchildren.

Grandparents can apply for a court order to gain access for visitation. Most of the time things can be settled with family mediation, but if there is resistance, then it can go to family court who will act in the best interest in the children.

It is wise to speak with your grown children to see if any mention is made in their wills.

When my children were small, my DH's brother and wife were named as guardians, but I had a clause mentioning a yearly visit to my family with the cost of travel coming from the estate.

CocoPops Tue 16-Mar-21 04:07:13

The parents of my grandchildren have named me as guardian in their will.