AIBU to expect birthday cards?

My son and his wife feel that cards are not eco friendly and they never send them although my granddaughter will make me one but she is only 7

Same here but with a granddaughter of 16 not even a text
Bloody rude if you ask me

Granmafaraway

Dear Gransnet Grans, I am a grandma, researching what it is to be a grandma in these changed times. I live in Scotland, but my three children have settled in England, New Zealand, and America, so I am in the position of being ‘Grandma Faraway’. I am interested in the whole experience of being a grandma. Now with the time to give to it (since I have no grandma childminding obligations), I am pursuing a PhD in Ethnology and Folklore (similar to Anthropology) on Grandmas, and how we are passing on our family history. In these changed times our grandchildren hear and see plenty of stories, but we are told our own family history is important for establishing our sense of identity and providing a foundation for mental health. See marycane.uk for my website and Facebook: Shining a Light on Grandma where I have been sharing my research findings. Grandmothers can be a key resource for grandchildren, and I am interested in hearing both the difficulties and the solutions that people are working with at gransnet.

I think this needs to be a separate thread

It does not for a single second mean that they don't love you.
We might feel a bit more sensitive due to long parting during the lockdown, but things like thank you letters seem to disappear when they get beyond 8 years old up until which they have been instructed and supervised. Birthdays go the same way, they love you but they are the stars of their own lives for a while and grandparents are 'just there' (until they aren't). Too much time makes us over-think these things.

It's the prompts from parents that keep it going. We oldies still stick to traditions.
One DD always sends cards and presents and her DD usually makes one or writes one, my other DD sends one herself and the GC write on the bottom. Though it is often hinted that it is outmoded and not needed. My DH has suggested we forget hers and see what happens

Think you're totally normal to hope for a card/cards but to 'expect' one? Not for me.

Mum should have bought an extra card and got them to sign it. But I think you are being unrealistic expecting teenagers to send cards you without a bribe. My husband says card shops would close tomorrow if they relied on men to send cards.

Cards are not something the younger generation set store by these days.
Personally I am more concerned by acknowledgment. So a call, an email, anything really does me.

Thank you all very much for your mixed opinions. It seems, overall, that maybe I’m expecting too much from adolescent grandsons so will try not to read anything into it. You’re right, I did get a text message from one of them but appreciate we live in a different world now so have reached a level of acceptance. Thanks again for taking the time to reply.x

Why is it expected that grandchildren send 'mothers day' [should be Mothering Sunday] cards to grandmothers?

I always remind my 20s children about their grandparents’ birthdays and then one of them organises a card from all three. Mum is always amazed that they’ve “remembered” !

My mother used to buy and send cards for my brother when he was 40!

If cards aren't sent, they can't be used as weapons. This year on Mother's Day, I got a message to say my grandaughter was not sending a card this year as she was on strike. The fact that I had upset her mother, of course, had nothing to do with it! Quite frankly, the message from my son on WhatsApp telling me he was thinking of me was all I needed anyway.
My daughter has stopped sending cards which was the only time she ever sent something with a heartfelt sentiment on it as she was always very careful with language and truth. It is sad but it isn't meant personally, just a case of saving money and the environment.
I am happy with a message, it is the thought that counts.

I like cards and am happy to send and receive them and I know that to several of my older friends receiving a card or letter has really made their day brighter. If you begrudge it don’t send one but if you know it would make someone happy then why not. To many it is not a waste of money but a sign that they are thought of. My grandchildren are very young so they delight in making cards and watching their family open them, sometimes on Zoom, but as they get older I guess the boy will not until he gets a girl to remember for him. Although to be fair my son never forgot to send me a card.

I do get cards from teenage GSS but probably they have been leant on by their mum, my DD.
I have no problem with virtual cards and always use them for overseas friends.

I don't think it's the receiving of a card, I think it's just knowing you are thought of.

In the Grand Scheme of things, expecting birthdays cards is a bit petty when people have other, bigger, things to cope with. Apologies for being harsh, but when so many others have lost vital bill paying, mortgage paying incomes, etc. Birthday cards seem like an unnecessary extravagance.

Dear Gransnet Grans, I am a grandma, researching what it is to be a grandma in these changed times. I live in Scotland, but my three children have settled in England, New Zealand, and America, so I am in the position of being ‘Grandma Faraway’. I am interested in the whole experience of being a grandma. Now with the time to give to it (since I have no grandma childminding obligations), I am pursuing a PhD in Ethnology and Folklore (similar to Anthropology) on Grandmas, and how we are passing on our family history. In these changed times our grandchildren hear and see plenty of stories, but we are told our own family history is important for establishing our sense of identity and providing a foundation for mental health. See marycane.uk for my website and Facebook: Shining a Light on Grandma where I have been sharing my research findings. Grandmothers can be a key resource for grandchildren, and I am interested in hearing both the difficulties and the solutions that people are working with at gransnet.

Cards/not cards cause SO much trouble and anxiety, not to mention waste, I really wish they didn't exist.

Def wouldn’t expect boys to remember ! Girls possibly but the younger generation aren’t like us when it comes to remembering birthdays etc.

NemosMum

Greetings cards have become fetishised! Once upon a time, cards were sent when you were not in a position to speak to the recipient in person or on the phone. Also, at 12, 13 and 16, kids still rely on parents for these things - oh, and they're boys. How many men are entirely independent in card/gift purchase? Not many! Don't read anything into it.

Exactly.

If you lived more than walking distance away and had no transport, or didn't have a telephone, or were otherwise unable to contact someone on their birthday, then cards were a way of reminding people that they were remembered.

Nowadays, with family WhatsApp groups, Skype, Zoom, FaceTime, text, or just phone calls, there is just no need, and until the blackmail of 'send one to X or s/he will be upset' stops, it will be difficult for people to exercise their right to Just Say No.

When sons were younger I used to have to nag for a couple of weeks before they got round to buying, writing and sending birthday cards. Now, long left home, I still have to issue reminders as dates approach. They’d be upset if they didn’t get cards

Young people don't seem to bother now. They are constantly on their phones all day long so could of phoned to wish you a happy birthday never mind buying you a card.

Again - young people now don't see the point of cards or do them. Did they phone, text, message or anything? I would have hoped for a quick text at least. Unless their parents just forgot to add their names to the card?

Greetings cards have become fetishised! Once upon a time, cards were sent when you were not in a position to speak to the recipient in person or on the phone. Also, at 12, 13 and 16, kids still rely on parents for these things - oh, and they're boys. How many men are entirely independent in card/gift purchase? Not many! Don't read anything into it.