Physical abuse of GS

If social care is involved I’m sure the father will have been interviewed already - it sounds like a police matter.
There will be a need to also protect his step-children don’t forget.

I am sorry to hear about your GS and hope that things can be resolved for him. I'm glad he is able to speak out.

It is the first thing you do isn't? You blame yourself for something that has happened to someone dear to you.

But do not. What signs might you have seen. Your GS is a teenager, children are moody and changeable at that age. How could you tell whether a bad moody was because he was just on a teenage mump or distressed about his home corcumstances.

The main thing is that your GS was able to tell someone when a bad circumstance got worse, that when he did he was believed and everyone rushed to protect him. Family, school, police, social services.

What good does blaming yourself do? No good at all. As you say you just thought it was teenage emotions topping wanting to go to his fathers.

The response of evryone has been perfect. Surrounded by love your DGS will recover. Knowing how much you love him is all he needs.

Is your daughter involved with the children? If so and she didn’t know about it, then please don’t feel guilty, the best way to get rid of the guilt is to do something about it and you have.

Abusers are very clever, that’s how they are able to carry it on without being caught, your GS is very brave in coming to you, I’m assuming that your GCs won’t be going near him anytime soon? Be vigilant in case he tries to sneak back into their lives ( meeting them at the school gate etc.)

Poor kids.

I'm very sorry to hear this but it's not your fault. My Father was abusive (parents also divorced) and I don't think any of my extended family realised what was going on. I say things to my Mum now and she looks completely shocked as if it's the first time she has heard it. People who abuse other people, children especially, are highly manipulative and they don't fit the 'stereotype' you believe they will.

Thank you for your supportive words. My DD is the children's main carer and is probably feeling more guilty than me. It has been very difficult for her to handover her kids to the father that deserted them, especially when babies. But we knew that it was important to keep their relationship going. The new wife has been on the scene for 10 years, but can be unpleasant at times.
The school and social worker have been quick to take action. Unfortunately it is a situation they have experience in.
Mum and teenagers have gone off to the seaside today so really happy about that!

Janejudge. I'm sorry that you have experienced abuse. I hope you have managed to come to terms with it over time, if that is ever possible.

Please don't blame yourself, as MOnica wisely said, it is difficult with teenagers; they are often grumpy, moody and incommunicative, and it is to your great credit that your grandson and granddaughter have felt able to share this with you. Just do what you are doing well, provide safety, security and most of all, belief in what your grandchildren have said.

Glad the police is involved.

So sorry you are all going through this

Was he always abusive?

A father that abandons his babies is already a huge red flag by itself.

Hithere. He left because of another woman when my DD was expecting my GD. No indication that he was abusive until now. I asked GS when it all started, and he said always used a stick. It's got worse recently.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

The poster is looking to unload and be supported. Why would you ask this Hithere?
Santana I hope you all receive all the help and support that you need and deserve.

I am asking because it is a rare case a person turns abusive out of the blue

The closer you are to the situation, the harder is to see things

I hope that you've taken on bored M0nica's wise and sensitive response Santana. It was you he came too when he needed to tell someone what was going on; it was you he trusted to believe in him and to be there for him.

You haven't let him down Santana, you've done precisely what he knew you'd do as soon as he told you; the right thing.

i guess it's always difficult for children to tell on their parents.
but i hope in schools they are informed that any use of an implement is illegal, is an assault, and that they don't have to put up with it.

Unless you have taken a safeguarding course you wouldn’t necessarily realise that anything was wrong. On such a course you learn to whistle blow at the smallest thing to be on the safe side. Not so easy when it is your own family. GS probably hid it. You are not trained.Please don’t hold yourself to blame. Get off the guilt trip and look to being there for your GC with lots of love, understanding and support for the future.

I really do understand why you would feel guilty but, the last thing you have done is let him down.
Without the benefit of a crystal ball, neither you, or your daughter, could have known what was going on. However, as soon as he told you what had been happening, you have all done everything to support him. He will know that he was believed and that you are all doing everything you can to support him. Oh and a trip to the seaside sounds like a lovely but of normality

It’s not your fault. We’re a step removed when it’s our grandchildren. Even as parents, we don’t necessarily not notice, but don’t immediately think ‘ abuse’. Often things are just put down to people’s ages, hormones etc.
The main thing is...as soon as you knew..you acted. I do hope you can soon get this resolved.

I can’t believe how hard it must be Santana, knowing your grandchildren have been subjected to this abuse. What a horrible man, he doesn’t deserve children and I hope they throw the book at him, it won’t make it right I know but at least they needn’t see him again if they don’t choose to.