Naming of step grandparents

A rose by any other name will still smell as sweet.

The title means nothing.
And no the parents have control.

Let the love and care he shows for the child make that child form it’s opinion of him.

MamaCaz

"We think this is so her birth father doesn't get angry with the little one (or daughter) if she should refer to him as Grandpa in years to come. (He's still the same bully as ever)"

I took that that 'issue' as being something between daughter and her father, the OP's ex, and the likely reason why daughter does not want the stepfather to be called Grandpa, but I don't see how it is why it should preclude compromise between daughter, mother and mother's husband over a different but mutually-acceptable name.

because daughter does not want it and appears to have a reason for her decision

My ggs has 3 sets of grandparents due to divorce/remarriages. He calls his step grandparents ‘Granny/Grandad’ followed by their names. It gets more complicated when we move up a generation to the great grandparents and step great grandparents! He calls us Nanna/Granny/Grampy/Grampy followed by where we live. Poor boy has too many of us….3 grannies, 3 grandads. 4 great grans and 3 great grandads…….I think!

He doesn’t have to accept uncle
But neither does she have to accept a grandfather name.

Leave blaming your ex out of it, it could be her choice. Accept it, find a compromise name, move on.

"We think this is so her birth father doesn't get angry with the little one (or daughter) if she should refer to him as Grandpa in years to come. (He's still the same bully as ever)"

I took that that 'issue' as being something between daughter and her father, the OP's ex, and the likely reason why daughter does not want the stepfather to be called Grandpa, but I don't see how it is why it should preclude compromise between daughter, mother and mother's husband over a different but mutually-acceptable name.

I have a good relationship with my stepson, though they do live some distance away so we don’t see them very often. I have been part of his life since he was about 10, and he has no contact with his mother. Yesterday he differentiates between me and my husband and it is made quite clear to their daughter that although my husband is her Grandad, I am Granny Cabbie, a step below, kept at a distance. There is no ill feeling, it is just the pecking order my step son has chosen. I am glad for my husband that he has a grandchild, as I have four, plus one step grandchild. I hadn’t planned to treat her any differently, but that’s the way it is.
I hope it works out for the OP.

MamaCaz

I have, several times, and can't see other issues that are relevant

"We think this is so her birth father doesn't get angry with the little one (or daughter) if she should refer to him as Grandpa in years to come. (He's still the same bully as ever)"

I have, several times, and can't see other issues that are relevant

MamaCaz

What issues, apart from that of how the baby is to refer to the step-grandparent"?

read the OP

My last post was to greenlady

What issues, apart from that of how the baby is to refer to the step-grandparent"?

it's the step/grandparents who will potentially lose out, so best to fit in with parent's wishes.

MamaCaz

As I said, compromise is needed, by both sides.

yes but there are already issues beteween the parents according to the OP. Why make difficult worse?

not really. the parent trumps, always. so best bend to that.

Previous post.

Distinguishes him from the ‘real’ grandad, but still sounds affectionate.

As I said, compromise is needed, by both sides.

Pappa is the name used for a step grandad I know.

MamaCaz

He shouldn't have to accept a 'name' that he doesn't want - the child's parents have 100% say in what they call their own child, but not in what the child calls another person. At the same time, they do have to feel comfortable with whatever is chosen , so some sort of compromise is definitely needed here, one that upsets no one.

he doesn't have to accept it but they both might not like the consequences of a refusal to accept it.

Can't she call him a different name like Pops or Papa or something else similar? Either that or his Christian name. Not worth getting upset.

My almost adult great niece has called her parents by their christian names ever since she could talk. her little sister says Mum and Dad...honestly its only words. if she loves you both and that's your only problem then you are lucky folk

You married your now his husband when your daughter was an adult - 21 yrs old.

It is up to your dd to decide, not you.

Please do not tell her how dissatisfied you are or it may damage your relationship

What's more important a a good relationship or a name?

He shouldn't have to accept a 'name' that he doesn't want - the child's parents have 100% say in what they call their own child, but not in what the child calls another person. At the same time, they do have to feel comfortable with whatever is chosen , so some sort of compromise is definitely needed here, one that upsets no one.

Did your daughter call him Dad? If not she won’t see him as Grandad.

I don’t much like the ‘uncle’ but it’s up to her. I’d just use his first name, adding uncle is a bit of a mouthful anyway.

If I was fortunate enough to have a beautiful 22 month old granddaughter she could call me and my partner whatever she liked?

it's up to her really.
how about if they just call him, george say, without the uncle.

Surely he is entitled to be called what he wants not what she wants?
No he is not.
It is the child's parents who decide. Your husband is a relative only by marriage, and the child has a blood grandfather, however much you may dislike him.
What a fuss about such a trivial matter.
I speak as a step-grandmother, and the children call me by my christian name, by mutual agreement.