Disappointed in my grandson and my son

A thank you for a gift is simple good manners.

But it’s not a gift,is it? It’s a purchase. Money for time and attention.

Still, I do say thank you in a shop.?

I remember this discussion from a while ago. Some people think the gift doesn't need an acknowledgement, and some want to be thanked for gifts.
I definitely want to be thanked. A few years ago I went to a wedding, and gave money instead of a gift, as the couple had requested. They boasted later that their wedding hadn't cost them anything, it was all paid for by parents and parents-in-law. No one was thanked for their contribution.
The same couple have recently had their first child and I sent a box of gifts. They included hand knitted items, a pram toy and two bought outfits. I haven't even heard that they have received them, and certainly no thanks. I sent it over three weeks ago so I am annoyed at the lack of good manners.

Several years ago I asked my adult children to open savings accounts for each of my 4 grandchildren. I transfer money into the accounts each month. They all know they will have access to their accounts when they reach 18.

I’d be having this conversation with his parents, working with them, what are their expectations?

Why don’t you save the money and give for holidays/birthday?
Or just carry on, and accept that he is becoming an hormonal teenager, certainly don’t get stressed.

I have two grandsons similar ages, I may see one or the other when I visit, rarely both. I don’t make a monthly payment to them. I usually hand over cash for holiday/ birthday which they are excited to receive.

I don’t do it every time though as we have little enough money for ourselves.

They appreciate this, so no pressure all
round.

I'd just stop sending it and put the money to one side for when he's older. Say 18. (See how long it takes for him to notice.)

Bluebellwould I agree with everything you’ve said.
Kids have been through a tough time over the last 18 months, as have we all.

12. Next birthday he will be 13 and a teenager, when hormones go wild and so do many children and for a few years turn into monsters. Perhaps in his case it has started early.

However generousity like yours requires a pleasant response and it will not hurt him to learn that behaviour has consequences and if he cannot be polite to you and say thank you, then the money stops.

Seems like you are buying his attention/time. Gifts should be just that. It’s like you are saying I’ve given you this so now perform for me. I hate this attitude that children are beholden to anyone if they are given something. We all know teenagers are self obsessed and don’t see the world through the eyes of others, you have to wait for them to become aware that other people exist. If you stay nice and loving through the tougher years then you will reap the rewards later on. I have 5 grandchildren and I hate it when they are told to give grandma a hug etc. I would rather any affection be genuine than a response to being told. Just chill, there’s far more important things to be stressed about.

Think you have to question yourself as to why you give the cash and how much pleasure you get from doing so. Then you may wish to adjust your actions accordingly.

If it's electronic and just arrives every month it's a bit like a magazine subscription. You say "thank you" initially but don't need to keep saying it.

If you want a thank you every month you either need to say so "your next month's cash is contingent on a thank-you for this month" (and stick to it) or you need to have actual money in an envelope that you can hand over and hear it then.

I’ve given it to all my grandchildren but I don’t think it’s a lot to ask to expect a thank you

Jaybett don't be despondent.
He will grow up and you will become part of his life again.

It is by electronic transfer. He used to love spending time with us now it’s as if we aren’t anything to do with him. Our daughters children treat us as cherished members of the family although they live even further away but they are older

I see you are also dissapointed in your son too.
His lack of attention to the "not even a hello" situation would be more disappointing to me than my grandson to be honest.

I'm amazed you were allowed in his room, most teenagers are very territorial. His hormones are raging, he will be having mood swings. You may get a thank you but it will be when he feels OK.
As far as giving the money goes do you give it because you like giving or because you expect thanks?

Is the pocket money contingent on something then?
If you've been giving it since he was 8 it seems silly to stop now.

Did you go on an arranged visit to see just him or was it to visit the family more generally? If you went to see him then it's definitely not good. Otherwise it's just irritating/annoying.
My grandson of the same age is generally told by his mum to "come down and say hello". He does this to be polite but wouldn't think of it if he wasn't told to.
Don't take it to heart. It will all be lovely again in a few years!

Gifting is gifting. Obviously you can stop if you want - but unless the deal was that he has to see you to get it, I don't think you should change the pocket money now.

Btw, I wouldn't be expecting a thank you but I would be very annoyed by his rudeness.

Jaybett I suggest you tell him you've decided that he's too old now to be getting pocket money from grandparents so it's stopping.

Then save it yourself, for his future, or ask his parents to open an account for that so you can pay into it.

I’d expect a thank you but I’m very uneasy at the thought of you buying his company.

I send their money by electronic transfer. My grandson always rang and said thank you: not my granddaughter.
Not many weeks back I told her if the the thank yous didn’t come, her money would stop.
Good as gold since then ?

The easiest and fairest solution is to simply put the money aside for him, til he reaches 18. You can then see if he goes to university or applies himself to an apprenticeship, and reward him with the savings you have made for him. He will really appreciate that far more, than having it now to waste on rubbish.

Have you ever discussed with him what he does with the money? Suggested he opens a savings account etc? He is entering his teenage years, and probably doesn't know what to talk about with you, but this would give you a topic?

Did you give him his pocket money there and then, in his bedroom? If so, yes, I think he was rude not to thank you.