How to make first visit of grandchildren special.

I’ve just had my two grandsons, aged 8 and 11, to stay. The things they liked most were; making pizzas and fudge with me (we also made marshmallows, fruit pastilles and cakes, which they loved, but they’re probably not things for you to do on a first visit), going for a bike ride with their granddad, visiting a couple of local museums, taking bus rides (such a novelty for many youngsters these days), picking fruit and veg on the allotment (maybe a visit to a PYO farm could substitute) and an occasional visit to local cafes/restaurants.

If I could make a suggestion it would be to make a point of not focusing on the children to the exclusion of the parents. Make sure they know you’re delighted to see them too and perhaps include a welcome gift for them; an offer to babysit while you treat the parents to a restaurant meal actually ticks two boxes.

I agree with those who think you should keep it low key KateCan don't overwhelm them. Spend time getting to know them again and see what they would like to do. I hope it all goes well.

How lovely , do hope it goes well & happens more often for you in future !

Nansnet

Lucca, it was just a suggestion for a little welcome bag, that's all. I don't particularly advocate gender stereotyping for babies and toddlers in general, but in my experience most 7 year old boys, and 10 year old girls like the kind of stuff I mentioned, that's all. The OP would be free to include whatever she likes. Perhaps she could have a little word with mum or dad, so as not to offend anyone ...

I just meant that you run the risk of upsetting DIL that way.

Doing activities like making pizzas or cakes is always fun and bonding. Telling them stories about when their dad was little, funny and naughty always goes down well,
The one thing you will have is time to give them, so talk about the different kinds of things they'd like to do and are maybe different to where they live.
Maybe plan a big treat like cinema and meal out on last day?

If they are used to going everywhere by car, then a trip by bus would be a treat, especially on the top deck. My granddaughter still loves bus trips, at age 8.
Board games might be an idea - you can get Trivial Pursuit with both adult and children's questions, or maybe Monopoly, or Jengo.

Lucca, it was just a suggestion for a little welcome bag, that's all. I don't particularly advocate gender stereotyping for babies and toddlers in general, but in my experience most 7 year old boys, and 10 year old girls like the kind of stuff I mentioned, that's all. The OP would be free to include whatever she likes. Perhaps she could have a little word with mum or dad, so as not to offend anyone ...

I’d avoid the gender stereotyping for gifts to be honest.

I could be wrong, but I'm assuming you've not seen them for 6 years because they live overseas, and I'm guessing your DS & DiL will be staying with you too?

As others have suggested, I'd have a few little things around the house to keep them occupied when you're in home ... a pack of cards are usually a big hit, and can be enjoyed by all the family, or monopoly/books/comics, etc. Have a few ideas about where you can go with them before they arrive, so that you're not left thinking what to do with them. It's probably a good idea to speak with your DS/DiL before they arrive, to ask what type of things they'd all like to do, then you can make plans in advance.

As far as a gift is concerned, you could get them each a little welcome goodie bag for when they arrive, including stuff like a little lego set/comic/colouring pens/etc., for you grandson. And perhaps some girlie things from Accessorize for your granddaughter, or nail polish/little mini toiletries from The Body Shop, or similar.

Towards the end of their stay, when you've got to know them a little better, you could give them each a budget, and ask them to choose a little gift from you, to remember the time they spent with you.

I hope you all enjoy your special time together!

“ But think of what you are actually going to do with them - book up some days out , plan picnics, where are the good parks/ playgrounds / museums / cinemas etc they might enjoy”
I agree with this. Even if you don’t book things you need some ideas !

A new pair of pyjamas each, which you can keep at yours. But think of what you are actually going to do with them - book up some days out , plan picnics, where are the good parks/ playgrounds / museums / cinemas etc they might enjoy? Mine quite like a visit to a charity shop with a couple of pounds each to spend - there’s usually a book or game they like, they don’t have to take them home.

DH prepared a box with a variety of toys, games etc all bought from the local charity shops and left it open on the floor for our boys to rummage through. He also left plain paper and colouring pens on the table and some pictures, shapes to colour in. They enjoyed playing a Ludo type game. We just let the discover the toys themselves.

DH who is a whizz with kids one time got all the ingredients for chocolate buns and he made them with our youngest, who has allergies, so it was great when he could eat a bun or two at the end as it was nut and egg free.

I recorded some Sooty programmes and even now they are 8 and 10 they still ask to watch them and fall about laughing.

I bought a sponge and men’s body wash for our eldest to use in the shower. The youngest likes baths and we put ping pong balls in the bath and he had ping pong fights all over the bathroom, with DH retrieving them and throwing them back in.

Best of luck and have fun.

Regardless of what their mother is like, you can't go wrong by just listening to the children, spending time with them. So to avoid spending your time in the kitchen or clearing up, prepare meals in advance or get ready made stuff even if you normally disapprove.

E. g. Fish fingers and pizzas which you just have to bung in the oven.

Gently involve them in any immediate clearing up that needs doing so that you are spending time with them. Leave any other housework until they're gone.

Time and our full attention is the most precious thing we can give them and they will remember us for.

Give them a gift when they leave, if you want to do that, so that as others have said, you can get to know them first.

How else is she difficult? The example you gave doesnt represent that

Does your son visit you, without her? Does he congratulate you via Zoom?
If so, that's good, he represents his family.

If your dil was difficult, would she allow this visit to happen?

She is always reluctant to see us and never joins in on Zoom even to sing Happy birthday to us.

They could be too old to read it for them at bedtime, given their ages.

How was dil possessive?

I certainly wouldn't buy them clothes or trainers.
Keep it low-key and personal to each child: the scrap book is a perfect idea.
Enjoy your visit but don't try too hard. We only see our granddaughter every few weeks as they live a distance away, and she can take time to "warm up" when she actually sees us despite being highly excited about the visit beforehand!

Thanks for all your great suggestions. I'm asking my DS what their current book reading is. Then I could maybe read it with them at bedtime. I'm going to browse Poundland and The Works for a couple of small items. I like the idea of making a scrapbook including photos of their visit as long as DIL likes the idea. I smiled when I read your thoughts about DIL. I think some of you must have met her! She's quite possessive for a start .....! But I will take my cue from the children.

1. Respect the rules given by the parents
" what happens at grandma stays in grandmas" may not be what the parents want
2. Go with the flow.

You havent seen them in 6 years, how well do you know them?
Give them time to warm up, ask them what they want to do

3. Quality time means more than material things.

4. Why isnt dil the easiest person? What has happened in the past?

I know you mean well but I really wouldn't worry about too many gifts. They have come to get to know you . I don't remember many of the things my gran gave me but I do remember the day to day things we did together - walking her dog, playing in the garden, going to the shop, playing old games, cooking, learning her hobbies...

I have found a book of photos is really appreciated and treasured after the visit. I make one each time my grandson comes to stay, taking pictures of places and adventures and getting these printed the last day of his visit. Once he is in bed that night I do a scrapbook using an 'activity pack' from Poundland, sticking in photos and adding detail about where we went, what we ate and so on. These packs come with bright stickers and I add relevant tickets and leaflets too and make sure I date each page. I also try to have a new carefully chosen book waiting for him by his bed, maybe the next in a series he is reading (good to check with parents on this). A box with puzzles, more books, basic art stuff and little toys and small Lego packs goes down well too and needn't be pricey (charity shops, The Works). An advance list of and shop for favourite foods will help them feel at home. Hope you all have a lovely time!

Agree with Espee, if there are issues, then always err on the side of caution when it comes to someone else’s children and consult them.
Also planning too much might be overwhelming when the children are getting used to you as a real person instead of a voice on a screen.
Slow and steady here IMO.

I would think the first visit in such a long time will be special anyway. Just be yourselves and don’t try too hard❤️

Under no circumstances should you buy them sweets, d-i-l will undoubtedly object.

In that case OP I suggest you ask her advice. Otherwise you’ll be sure to get it wrong.?