Encouragement needed please.

Why did the relationship with her aunt break?

If I took her in, I would make sure it is legal

Her Aunt said she can't cope with her attitude, messy bedroom, disrespectful attitude and therefore can't meet her needs emotionally, cuddles, love etc. She said she will be kicking her out at 18 anyway and I know my granddaughter is so very unhappy.
I have tried to ask the name of the Social Worker to make contact but all I get is "I've spoken to them and they don't want to know so no point! She's sixteen now and can live where she wants".

No experience of this, but experience with bolshy 16 yr olds. My advice would be to sit her down and ask her why her relationship with her aunt broke down. And ask if she prepared to make an effort.
Remember she has to be in school, college or in an apprenticeship until she's 18.
What does she want to do? Where? Does she want to be in a house-share or bed-sit in a few years? Others won't be thrilled if they're sharing their kitchen or living room with someone who's dirty, untidy or has attitude.
Good luck

Which 16 year old wants cuddles? That is weird.

And she will be kicked out in 2 years anyway?

Of course she would move in as long as I was able to make decisions on her behalf (legally speaking)

My friend's step granddaughter is currently living with her maternal grandmother, as her daughter is unable to look after her.

This website might be of interest to you.

kinship.org.uk/

I've done this. Yes, it worked out well and she is here now (back after first year at University). Relationship broke down with my daughter who is a single mum and I had a phone call soon after her sixteenth birthday asking me to collect her. I thought it would be for a few days or weeks but that was three years ago!
I think what you have been told is right in that once teenagers are over 16 there is not much in place through SS so if you can help it could be really important. I feel very sorry for your grand-daughter and for all of you as it must be a difficult time.
If you would like to message me I am happy to to pass on what has worked for us and some practical information.

An SGO lasts until 18, so SSD cannot walk away from this situation.

You can phone the SSD hat is local to where she currently lives; and you could do the same where you live. There may be help that the local SSD could point you towards. You are under no obligation to accept financial responsibility for your DGD; and SSD may have ideas to help with all this.

I am sorry that this situation has broken down, but it does sound as though the aunt is washing her hands of it all without making sure you have the right information to get the advice you need.

I have been through the teenage years with 3 DDs and, as you will know, it can be challenging. And you will be taking on a teenager whose life has been very disrupted so she is likely to be even more challenging. Please be aware of what you are taking on!

ps an organisation called kinship.org.uk (used to be GrandparentsPlus) may be useful for you. I have not used their services myself but am aware of their work. Good luck and do feel free to contact me. As previous poster says teenage years can be a challenge but my experience has been positive and I have never regretted my decision.

What is an SGO and an SG? There are a lot of abbreviations in this thread. I hope your DGD is ok. What happened to her parents?

Hithere

Which 16 year old wants cuddles? That is weird.

And she will be kicked out in 2 years anyway?

Of course she would move in as long as I was able to make decisions on her behalf (legally speaking)

It’s not weird, I know lots of 16 year olds that like cuddles. Or if not cuddles will snuggle up close on the sofa. It’s comfort and don’t we all need/want that at times.

Good luck NannyNorfolk, it’s a challenge and commitment facing you for sure, but you have the opportunity to give your Granddaughter a secure safe haven with rules she probably craves.

Quote: "Which 16 year old wants cuddles? That is weird."

I don't think there's anything wrong with a 16 year old wanting a hug. My 20-something year olds still like a hug from me. Affection is important.

I'm not surprised this 16 year old is having an attitude. She knows she's getting kicked out at 18, her aunt has made it clear she is rejecting her already at 16. She knows she isn't wanted where she is. Rejection hurts. It hurts to feel like no-one really cares at that age.

If you do take her in, I'd sit down and make sure there is an agreement around your expectations of her and how it is all going to work.

Which 16 year old wants cuddles? That is weird.

A 16 year old who knows that she's unwanted and unwelcome in her aunt's home?
A 16 year old who is very unhappy and looking for someone who will love her and make her feel safe, welcome and wanted?
A 16 year old who is obviously from a broken or unstable home and is hoping for stability and structure in her life?
A 16 year old who's struggling to find her place in the world?
A 16 year old that is hoping her home with loving and supportive grandparents might be just the thing she's needing to get herself on track for her adulthood?

Not that weird afterall really is it Hithere? I find your comment weirder tbh.

A hug, yes I understand everybody needs affection .

I guess cuddles has a different connotation for me. I associate it more with the behaviour a young child (want to be picked up, sit on your lap, give you kisses, etc) may have, not a teenager.

Chewbacca, you made me laugh (in a good way)

Thanks for all your replies...
Hithere, weird? no, I don't find it weird at all! She hasn't had it from her Aunt so whenever she visits for a stay which is always both summer and Christmas time she enjoys having cuddles, snuggles on the sofa watching a film with me or even random cuddles at opportune moments throughout the day, we may of been chatting about her life, her Mum and what she was like as a baby/youngster, teenager. Then she will just say something along the lines of... "That makes me feel better Nan let's have a cuddle and then I'm going to watch my TV in my room"

Chewbacca, YES! All of the things you have written. You put it perfectly, it is exactly that! Thank you.

CafeAuLait, I'm not surprised myself she is giving attitude for the reasons you write, she knows she is not wanted and feels rejected. Aunt has no children of her own and therefore never been through the "teenage years" and while I commende her for taking her on, I wish I would of been able to have her at the time then maybe GD wouldn't be feeling the ways she is now? We live a couple of hundred miles away from where she is and was born so at the time it was deemed best that she was placed with her aunt, near her parents and less distributions.

Luckygirl, yes teenagers can be a struggle, having been through it twice with my own two so I'm aware of all it brings. I think because she feels unloved, rejected and not nurtured she is feeling well if you couldn't give a toss then why should I?!

denbylover having her in this awful situation can't go on that's for sure! That's what we have decided to do. Thank you.

Nacky, thank you so much! I was hoping to hear from someone who has been through what we're about to do. I'm so pleased to hear it worked out very well for you and that your granddaughter is now thriving. In time I hope that will be us too.
It's such a daunting challenge and not one I'd of hoped to be facing in my 50s, thought my child rearing days were over and I'd have all the fun but get to hand them back! That's life though isn't it? It throws us curve balls.
I would dearly like to take up your kind offer of messaging you to find what worked for you. Thank you so very much, just have to find out how I do that?

The aunt is more than likely receiving an allowance from the local authority. They need to be informed of this arrangement or at the very least you need to be given this allowance.

A good local authority would want to know (though not all are good). Please message me if you want to discuss further.

Every child, regardless of age needs to know there a cuddles and affection available to them if they want it. When they know they wouldn’t be welcome for a hug is where the harm occurs.

I had a SGO for my DGD since the age of 4,she is still with me at the age of 22,teenage years where difficult.
At 16 she probably has emotional needs that need support more surrounding why she was subject of an SGO,and they may need addressing.
I must say messy bedrooms and teenage detritus in general although annoying are things to turn a blind eye to.
I found the more insecure and In need of cuddles and hugs the more E pushed away, but we worked through,I am so proud of the young woman she has become.
I too am in Norfolk id you would like to PM me
good luck NannyNorfolk

Yes lots of good luck - it is so good you feel able to take this on. But do contact SSD and sort out what you might be entitled to in order to help you look after her.

I still have cuddles with my DDs and they are a lot more than 16!

NannyNorfolk at the top of each persons post there is a button ‘private message’, just click on that.

I am new to social media but have just followed the instructions given above and think it worked so you should have a message from me.