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Grandparenting

How to proceed following abuse disclosure

(10 Posts)
Glanora Thu 19-Aug-21 19:06:16

Just heard today that DGD was sexually abused by son of family friend. He is 8 years older than DGD. The abuse started when she was 6 and stopped when she was 10. He would have been between 14 and 18. Family reeling at the disclosure. Abuse revealed during counselling.
Very worried about DGD, now 15, and beyond angry with perpetrator.
Also very worried about further trauma to DGD by police, ss etc. investigation.
Should she be put through more?

User7777 Thu 19-Aug-21 19:12:56

It's a sad state for the poor girl. So many people are doing this to innocent kids. Bless her, it's an outrage that another kid can do this. I know of a child who still had to spend time with her abuser. SS dont give a stuff, by the time a kid tells someone, the abuse had usually been happening for some time.

varian Thu 19-Aug-21 19:30:08

The NSPCC have a special unit where they work with child sex abusers - ie children who have sexually abused other children. One perpetrator was four years old and had been sexually abusing his baby brother. In almost every case the perpretator had themselves been a victim of sexual abuse. It is learned behaviour.

I hope that those who investigate this distressing case look beyond the perpretator to the root cause.

nightowl Thu 19-Aug-21 19:41:55

I’m so sorry to hear this Glanora. At 15 your DGD is old enough to decide what she wants to do about reporting this. Of course, it would be in the interests of public safety for the perpetrator to be charged and brought to justice, as he undoubtedly continues to pose a risk to other children. The police are trained and experienced in investigating abuse and working with children sensitively. She will be interviewed on video and supported throughout the process and helped to consider the implications of going to court vs. not doing so.

All you can do as a family is continue to love and support her whatever happens. It’s a truly heartbreaking situation and your anger is perfectly understandable. Please don’t alert the perpetrator as this could jeopardise any criminal proceedings, although I know how hard this is. Very best wishes to you all, particularly your DGD.

BlueBelle Thu 19-Aug-21 20:04:48

Very often children/teens/young adults don’t want to go through the aftermath of police investigations, but very often return to it as adults.
As she is in counselling hopefully that counsellor will be competent to deal with childhood sexual abuse or pass her to someone who is
Please be guided by what your granddaughter wants and not by what you all know is right
Many young people who abuse have been victims themselves I realise this doesn’t excuse it at all or help you in your understanding and justified anger

GillT57 Thu 19-Aug-21 20:07:56

The important thing is that your DGD is believed and you as her family have done that. What happens next is your DGD decision, supported by her family and the relevant authorities. So sorry, what a dreadful shock for you all.

welbeck Thu 19-Aug-21 20:09:03

how did this become known to you.

TwiceAsNice Thu 19-Aug-21 21:01:01

In one way it is great that she is being supported by counselling but be aware if the counselling is not done in a specific way it can jeopardise a prosecution if your granddaughter decides to do this. Please make sure the counsellor is very competent in this type of work as it’s very important that she records sessions properly and doesn’t lead your granddaughter as it will all be evidence in court if he is prosecuted.

My very best wishes to you all it traumatic for all of you

Glanora Thu 19-Aug-21 21:26:39

Thank you all for your very helpful and insightful comments. I very much appreciate the range of comments given and the time you have taken to write them.
Welbek DGD told her mother after the counselling session.

welbeck Thu 19-Aug-21 22:14:05

and did she give permission for her mother to tell you.