Etiquette re first step grandchild

My adopted son's biological mother turned up to see my new granddaughter two days after the birth. She refuses to meet me so we have no relationship. I did rather resent her turning up so soon. Maybe that is me being unfair but I just didn't like it. I know it is not quite the same thing as a step grandparent, but the emotions could be similar.

Have you sorted this out yet OP?

Can be a bit of a minefield! Sometimes I get called Nanny - usually after presents and sometimes it's Whatdayisit! Depends which way the wind is blowing and on the ex wife! I have 2 ex wives in the background with 5 gcs.
We should all be the grown ups but that doesn't always work.

1 gc to 1 ex was forbidden from coming to our house. But at xmas and birthdays Halloween advent I put in exactly the same as I do my blood gcs.
Anyway circumstances have changed there and gc is coming every week and will be sleeping as the son they shared has died an ex can't control things poor mum needs some support without hassle.

So family dynamics change too.

In my home and heart all gc are equal and bugger what the other nans dictate.

Obviously I wouldn't turn up at the hospital at the same time as the maternal or paternal gm. Just be fair. We picked 2 of husbands gcs up from the hospital to take them hom after the birth. We try to do the practical things to help without being pushy.

My husband would say I aren't visiting without you. We are a team. If they phone in the middle of the night we go as a pair. Whatever they need we go as a pair.

Yes we get told we aren't really nanny but as long as you treat the gc fairly and equally there is no come back. And the gc will think oh it's nice going there! Memory making is the most important. If you can sit and read a story with gc it doesn't matter where you are in the queue at hospital visiting.
And in current circumstances it's best not to go unless they are in a long time.

That is how we juggle it. If you are fair and do your best and keep your mouth shut it can run smoothly.

Surely, new parents won't actually want loads of visitors all at the same time will they?
Quite why there needs to be a pecking order on who goes first, when, who with etc and how long they stay....... it's just rediculous.
As BlueBelle says, a baby can't have too many loving relatives in their life and does it really matter exactly how they are related?

Loving not living boo hoo to edit button

Goodness me is there an etiquette to seeing a baby ? I am so out of this loop ( thankfully)
I thought you were the step then read this
my husband is seen as a grandfather to my first grandchild

So is it your husbands grandchild and you’re the step or is it your grandchild and husband is the step ? Either way ask the young couple when you can both visit and go by their ‘wants’
Don’t go at the same time as the other grandparents or his ex
Don’t stay too long take a nice present and bibbity bobbity boo
A baby can never have too many caring living relatives

I would keep clear of ex wife, visit with husband, tricky situation so much depends on the circumstances of the divorce, which side the new mum is on.

What do the parents of the baby want?

Be led by them.

Have you been invited to visit as well?

I would think you would visit with your husband, but not at the same time as ex-wife. I think it would be odd if they visited together.

If my exs new wife tried to see my new grandchild at my first visit she would be told where to go. It’s not your grandchild it’s there’s you should wait till there have had their first visit. But my ex hubby never does. Because he doesn’t even let his wife look at our grandkids that way. That’s him not me. He tells them to call her by her name.

The fact that you were thoughtful enough to consider the biological grandmother’s position suggests you’ll be a much loved granny

Don’t get too hung up on etiquette!
The new mother will probably want to see her mum first anyway, but take your lead from the young parents- say you would love to see the new baby and leave them to say when.
There is no hard and fast “etiquette” just consideration for other people’s feelings.

Depends on how well you all get on. If there is/could be friction then best to wait a bit so it doesn't spoil visit for your DH or the biological mother. Also might depend on if step child is male or female. If female many new mum's want their mother around. Can you ask the partner of the new baby if it is ok?

As my first husband has passed my husband is seen as a grandfather to my first grandchild. However as my step grandchild's grandmother is thankfully here should I leave it with my husband and his ex wife to experience their first visit together? I don't want to look disinterested as I really want to be part of my step children/grand children's lives and be another loving grandmother.