Is my daughter using me ?

Do our children use us? Hmm, there are two ways of looking at this and the other way is to see it as a compliment. If the 'family' is thought of as including you then it would be natural to assume you would love to join them. Why do you think she would hold it against you if you didn't want to go?

My GC live in another country and I am always delighted to go and join them or look after them when the parents have something else to do. Their other GP does the same and comes to us. Sorry but I'm struggling to understand why you wouldn't jump at the chance.

Travelling alone with two small children is hard work, anywhere. I know I have done it. Going to another country with very small children, where probably your DD does not soeak the language, only makes it more difficult. I fully understand why your DD would like you to go with her.

What I do not understand is why you see your daughter of 'using you'. In a way yes she is, but not in a negative way. You are fond of your sister so is she , she thinks you will both be keen to visit and in her place I would be quite cheerfully admitting that, with the children being so young, I couldn't do the journey without your help.

Surely this how families work, your daughter suggests you go off on a little jolly (as we say in our family) together, but admits she needs your help with the children and you both go off, see your sister and have a lovely time in Belgium.

Now there may be a serious reason why you do not want to go, health problems or other problems, but a journey to Belgium is nothing, no worse than travelling from London to Edinburgh and a darn site easier than many a journey in the UK.

Is it the fact that your daughter wants to visit your sister that niggles, OP?

You say that they are close, but not that you are close to your sister. If you feel that you would be happier having a trip with your daughter and grandchildren, rather than one to see your sister, that could explain why you are feeling used.

In those circumstances that would be understandable, I think. Could you (if that is the case), explain to your daughter that you would love to spend time away with her, but not to be a ‘spare part’ on this one?

The issue of her potential huffiness if you refuse to fall in with her plans is one that needs addressing too, I think. Going along with things to keep the peace just breeds resentment, and also teaches emotional blackmailers that they can get away with their behaviour.

I used to help a neighbour with her two boys, the same age as the grandchildren here. It did seem like herding cats at times particularly as the neighbour was quite scatty. Instead of getting the pushchair out then strapping in one child she would get the children out, then the pushchair!

We used to travel a lot when our children were very young. Some people thought it was great but one neighbour told me it was “criminal”!!!

So much depends on your overall health, your relationship with your daughter and the children, where you are travelling from and to at each end. It’s not realistic to offer an opinion without knowing more.

If you feel it would be too much for your GC and so you don't want to go, then you should go with that.

It's all well and good people responding with how lucky you are to be asked and they'd jump at the chance but we're all different aren't we, and there's nothing wrong with you deciding you don't want to go at this time. You are certainly not being "very, very, very unreasonable".

If you haven't done so already, you need to tell your D of your decision so she'll stop raising the subject and stop you feeling pressured.

You say you're worried that if you don't go she'll hold it against you for a long time. Is that something she's done before. If so, you mustn't be forced into making a trip you don't want too.

If this isn't something she's done before, perhaps you are worrying unnecessarily.

Do what you want and what feels right for you notjustaprettyface.

Is she using you? What kind of question is that?

She is proposing a trip that you will both enjoy: lots of time with your GC in a positive functional role; you get the chance to see your sister and nieces.

I would bite her hand off!

I wonder where the OP is?

I agree with Nonogran,always listen to your gut instinct.

I would jump at the chance. I find ‘using you’ a strange expression when used with the word ‘daughter’. I love being ‘used’ by my AC.

Oh I would be thrilled to have been asked - a lovely opportunity to see more of your grandchildren and also meet up with your sister. Look for the positives - there are many grandparents on GN who for whatever reason see little of their children and grandchildren and would be delighted to be invited to spend a holiday with the little ones.

Goodness, what a fuss about nothing. I travelled 5,000 miles on my own with my new baby at three weeks, 2x 5000 at 3 months, 2x5000 at 15 months, 2x5000 at 25 months the return journey with a newborn as well and thereafter at least 2x5000 trips on my own with two children every year until the eldest was 11 when we returned to live in the UK.
Belgium is just across the Channel.
You are being very, very, very unreasonable.

We drove with a 3 yr old and a 9 month old from the U.K. to Italy! Camped on the way and cooked food on a small camping gaz thingy. So Belgium sounds like a doddle.
If you don’t want to go then don’t, but why not go and help your DD out? The kiddies will be fine and I’m sure you will enjoy it too.

Absentdaughter flew from New Zealand to the UK – and back – with her first child when he was three months old. She later did the same trip with a two- and three- year old. I travelled about all over Europe as a child. Absentdaughter made her first solo flight – to stay with a friend in France – when she was seven. Children are remarkably adaptable.

Belgium isn’t far and is really easy by Eurostar. The terminal at Brussels is easier to access than the one at Paris. Plenty of kids on the train. The one year old won’t notice & the two year old will find it very exciting.

Belgium isn’t far from London, but it depends where in the U.K. you are starting from. My French relative travels frequently to and from the south west of France from London with her young children, my DD and her family travel from the South Coast to the north of Scotland to her in laws practically every holiday - a 12 hour drive if all in one go ( which they often do) . My youngest GD was a frequent flyer before the age of 1. With 2 adults a trip to Belgium will be an adventure - go for it!

Your daughter has a noble reason to go and include you in the trip

Have you replied to her request?
Is there past history of her using you?

I've done very long journeys with young children that age. I'm guessing that it might be a confidence issue with your daughter rather than practical need. It is reassuring to have another adult with you when traveling somewhere unfamiliar.

I'm not sure why you think your daughter is using you? Is there background to that? It sounds like she has just invited you to come along and would appreciate the support with the children too. She would rather have a traveling companion and she's invited you. It could be a nice time, you just have to make sure it happens at a time convenient for everyone.

Of course, if you don't feel like going, you're under no obligation to go or accept her invitation. Do keep in mind that if she takes someone else, she may favour them for future trips. Maybe you don't mind that though if trips are just not your thing.

Why is it so bad that your DD is ‘using’ you. She wants to do something and needs your help, she is your DD they are your GC is it so hard to put someone else first and go with her to help her out.

My sister brought her 6-month old daughter to see our mum in UK all the way from Sydney, Australia. Now that’s a long way! Brussels on the Eurostar is nothing.

We took an 18-month-old to Iceland in a campervan. We drove from Surrey to the north of Scotland (with stops), then took a ferry, drove right round Iceland, back on the ferry to the Faroe Islands for a few days, and back to Britain.

Belgium is much easier to get to and you'll have more comfortable accommodation when you get there. It might still be hard work but, as has been said, you will be glad if you do go and might regret it if you don't. I'd say take the opportunity while you have it.

I have found that many times when I was inclined to say “no” because something was too much of a bother, I was later glad that I’d gone ahead with it. Later you won’t remember how you spent that particular time if you stay home, but you will always have memories of the trip with your daughter and her children if you decide to go.

If your gut says no, listen to your gut!
There’ll be other opportunities, just not right now.

Not sure where you live in the uk, assuming that’s where you do live, but Belgium isn’t far, it’s an hour or so on the high speed train from st Pancras or a similar time if going by plane. Perhaps your sister would pick you up at the other end.
I am not sure the children will be aware of ‘family’ at present they are much too young, but it might be a lovely opportunity to spend time together with your sister and daughter.

You don’t say where you live and how you plan to travel.
TBH something like Eurostar to Brussels is not a difficult journey if you are not too far from London. (As long as there were two of you) Hard on ones own
Or were you planning to fly?
You sound very unwilling, is there an underlying reason for that?