Becoming a step-grandmother months after own late pregnancy loss

I’m so sorry for your loss.

A friend has just lost her IVF baby in mid-pregnancy. There are other family members with tiny babies who felt awkward but my friend says she doesn’t want their baby, it’s her own baby she wants and mourns.

I hope your family members are sensitive to your loss and allow you to cope on your own terms. X

You can be sad. It is sad to lose a baby in pregnancy.

All I can say is that the feeling will pass if you let it. I was sad for some time when we learnt that my daughter could never have children.

But just recently her husband’s family welcomed a new baby and I’m genuinely thrilled for them. Not at all envious like I would have been.

???

I'm so sorry about the loss of your baby.
You're being so brave and selfless focussing on your husband's new grandchild, and the rest of the family.
Someone needs to be supporting you though.
If the family are unable to do so then please contact SANDS, there you will find people who understand and will be there for you. Best wishes x

www.sands.org.uk/

I’m so sorry for your loss OP. It’s a pain that will always be there (at least that’s my experience). You can’t help how you feel, emotions don’t travel in rational channels, maybe look at a wee journal to get it all out?

I commend you for thinking about your family, as I said no-one can help how they feel, but the fact that you recognise you can control how you behave and react is so thoughtful and loving. Like others have said please take advantage of any and all help available to get you through this tough time.

LotsToLearnHere welcome to Gransnet and what a brave first post. I have no personal experience of your exact situation, but losing a baby is traumatic and you are certainly allowed to grieve - and I would hope that your family are as sensitive towards you as you are being to them.

LTLH - such a sad post. I really don’t know what to say. Just try to find some joy in the arrival of this new baby. My heart aches for you

So sorry for your loss

It will take time to learn to cope and you manage the triggers

So very sad for your loss. Other people with small babies may find it difficult to involve you -they feel embarrassed. Such a difficult time, particularly as such a close family member has a baby now.
Whilst you will never forget that baby that wasn't, the very bad pain will pass with time.
You are good being able to consider the feelings of your DH etc . at such a sad time for yourself. Do hope they all realise how you are feeling.

This takes me back fifty years. I had a friend over whose baby had been stillborn just weeks before I had mine. The doorbell rang and I spontaneously gave my son to her whilst I went to deal with it. She says it was quite the most wonderful thing for her. Quite an accidental miracle in fact.

Kim19 when I was pregnant with my second child - which turned out to be a much wanted daughter, a friend was also pregnant and desperately wanted a girl (she had two lovely boys). So sadly, her baby was born with all sorts of problems and died within a few hours of the birth.

I was so embarrassed about my lovely, healthy baby girl that I avoided her at first. So very sadly did so many other people. She actually crossed the road to come to talk to me a few weeks later when I was pushing the pram, and said how very lonely she felt as people were avoiding her.

Felt very guilty and never made that mistake again with anyone else who had a similar tragedy. Fifty years later she still talks about that time and how people with babies thought they were being kind to avoid her, and how wrong they were.
Just to add, she did a couple of years later have a healthy baby girl.

You do need to grieve for your baby LotstoLearn and I understand that you don't want to make others sad.

You can get in touch with Sands, a charity who can support you through this painful time.

I’m so very sorry. I have no personal experience or wise words to share but I couldn’t pass by without saying hello and welcome, and what a lovely, generous and gracious lady you are. I hope happier days lie ahead for you. ?

It's ok to it be ok . I am so sorry for your loss.
Just be honest and say I'm so overjoyed for you but give me time as I'm hurting right now.
Then wrap yourself in self care please.

It's ok not to be ok I meant

So sorry LotsToLearnHere, as Neen has posted "It's ok not to be ok" and her advice about being honest is spot on. Your SS and his wife will I'm sure have had their joy tempered by this tragedy and may also not be sure what if anything, to say.

You and your DH need to be able to grieve for your loss. Again, I'm so very sorry.