Grandsons treated differently.

I grew up in the shadow of my sister who was better than me at everything. My parents openly favoured her, as did other relatives.

I think my grandmother knew this so gave me more attention,I became really close to her which made me feel so special.

I think the parents would deny that this was happening so maybe you could make GC1 feel special to you in some way.

Thanks Elizabeth. Yes I do try to make GC1 feel special, without showing favouritism! If you don’t mind me asking, how did your experience affect you growing up and in later life. I tell myself that GC1 will rise above it and be fine - but I don’t know that he will!

Can you invite the struggling grandson to yours more and boost him up a bit make him feel important as a teenager could you ask him to do some simple jobs for you and in return you could treat him to a takeaway or a bit of pocket money and at the same time telling him how clever he is
Just an idea !

As BlueBelle said you can encourage your grandson and show him how much he is appreciated Lizziedrip
Your name brings back memories of Lizzie Dripping in my childhood.

That's so sad. I have two grandchildren, one extremely bright and one not. But their parents do their best to treat them both equally. The not so bright one is great with nature, loves animals and is often in the garden tending the plants. When we visit there is often a vase of flowers that the child has arranged on the table.
Could you try to encourage your grandson's abilities, with lots of praise for the things he is good at, such as kindness, good manners etc? In fact, these qualities are every bit as important as academic ability.

I've often found that parents tend to assign a personality to each of their children - which is then lived up (or down) to.

My sister was the artistic, pretty one, I was the practical clever one - and my brother was just a nuisance.

It's all very sad and, in fact, totally inaccurate. It seems that your grandson deserves a lot of praise and encouragement.

You don't say whether the less gifted one has a diagnosis eg of dyspraxia or dyslexia that might make school harder for him? Is he having support at school?
I agree that personal qualities are every bit to be valued as academic achievements.
What a lovely grandma you are to be thinking of tactful ways to boost his self-esteem and confidence.

I would personally treat them equally, and show you love them exactly the same.

You may be misreading the situation. Things aren’t always as they seem. Then you could find yourself accused of favouritism.

Keep the van of worms firmly closed. It’s not for you to sort out.

can of worms ?

While from your OP, it seems unfair, you never know what happens behind closed doors

I agree with DiscoDancer, treat them equally.

Yes disco that can of worms will remain firmly shut! I do try to boost his self esteem and confidence whenever I can. He doesn’t have a specific learning difficulty - he’s just ‘average’ I suppose. It’s just that he seems to be in the shadow of his brother’s achievements. I agree that his personal qualities make him a remarkable young man and are just as important as other more ‘observable’ achievements. I always acknowledge this in him. However the boys’ parents are both high flying professionals who value academic / sporting / musical accomplishments! I fear that GC1 believes he is a disappointment to them. I am certainly very proud of him and tell him so but I suppose his parents’ pride would be more valuable to him.

Children in this type of situation can still become resilient if other adults around them treat them well.

I also have this experience, I could do no right and my brother could do no wrong, although of the 2 I was the brighter one and actively sabotaged in favour of my brother.

Keep praising him, he sounds like a good person and those are qualities that will lead to a happy life if the parents don't leave him depressed and anxious.

You don't give their ages. I wonder if their is time for GC1 to come into his own, or if their general abilities are now 'set' and obvious.
I agree with others - cherish his achievements and speak warmly of his accomplishments.
If he is older, I would express especial interest in what job he wants to pursue.

And, as we always must, try to be as balanced as you can. A close family friend confided in me that she had felt a little 'left out' of my special relationship with her sister - I had cultivated that because of the exact situation you describe. She explained (kindly) that she sometimes felt she was only valued for her accomplishments, and not for herself.

So I would also praise the thoughtful and helpful things GC2 does.

Back in the 1950s there were twin girls in my class, the one passed the 11+ and was given the very large box of crayons in a box that opened up like two shelves (do you remember them), the other twin got nothing ? I was shocked and upset and still am all these years later.

I wonder what happened to them. Their parents ran a large bakery in Birmingham.