Thoughts please !

rowyn

Haven't read the whole thread, but I don't need to. This should be reported to Social Services immediately.

I think you do need to read the thread actually!

You all very horrified but I think it genuinely depends on the maturity of said 14 year old and the family. I have an older son who and there was a very large age gap between him and his siblings (12, 14 and 17 years difference), he babysat for us when his siblings were quite young

Haven't read the whole thread, but I don't need to. This should be reported to Social Services immediately.

I wouldn't and neither would a lot of people. However, there are so many variables. Was there a responsible adult nearby and immediately on call in the event of a problem. How far away were the parents of the baby? Could they get back in minutes? Has the 14 year old got any experience with babies?

My DM had my brother when I was fifteen. I was alone with him and a bottle regularly. I was the ‘ third parent ‘. We had no phone, and there was never a discussion about emergencies. Different times.

Depends entirely on the 14 year old concerned and the length of time being left in charge. Some 14 year olds are astonishingly competent & responsible - others are a complete disaster. I’ve known both!

Depends on the 14 year old. I would have trusted my daughter at that age but my grand daughter is a different case altogether - nose stuck in technology too much and wouldn't notice if something was wrong.

It depends on the 14-year-old and how competent they are handling the baby. Many sensible 14-year-olds, who are used to handling a baby will be more competent than some adults.

User As far as I know there is no such thing as a babysitting cert in the UK.

I thought that teens, maybe under 16s had to hold a certificate of babysitting in some way. I may be wrong or situation has changed since I knew of it

There are laws and rules and regulations about these things.
My understanding is that a 14 year who is not related to the baby is not allowed to look after them on there own.

Well your son and his partner should be called into question given you do not approve of their actions. Seems there may be an issue with the couple as you say filthy house as well as their style of parenting being called into question. A 3 month old may have been asleep for the the good part of 5 hours not actually needing attention. The 14 year old may have siblings she has helped care for. By the sounds of your post, it's your family members' ability to care for a child, not so much that of the 14 year old that is the problem. As a side, I was left at 12 years old to babysit my niece from being 8 weeks old. Initially not for long times but increased to hours eventually. My brother in law had a horrendous accident at work in a mine and the only way she managed with visiting him and looking after herself and my niece was with me helping out after school and at weekends - babysitting!

On the face of it, not ideal. However, I can think of a couple of teenagers I'd have trusted more than my ex mil!

I'm wondering how OP knows this baby sitting event happened. Or know things about the sitter and the timing.

When my first child was a baby I had two sisters, aged 14 and 15 to babysit for about three hours one evening every week. They were together, for support, and their mum, a friend of mine, was on the other end of the phone and prepared to jump in the car if needed. ( she never was).
It all depends on the circumstances and the maturity of the people concerned.
The OP did not originally provide enough information, and there is more to this than meets the eye, so our opinions are irrelevant.

grannyactivist

At 14 I had been in that situation dozens of times - and without access to a phone! I was sensible, would remain level headed in an emergency, and was very experienced at looking after babies.

However, also when I was 14 my four month old baby brother died of Sudden Instant Death Syndrome (‘cot death’ as it was then known). I was not alone with him at the time, but it was a traumatic event - so the risk of something untoward happening with such a young baby and no adult back-up in place makes me very uneasy.

Exactly the sort of situation a 14-year-old should never have to cope with. She'd be traumatised for the rest of her life!

In France, as I live there, the minimum age to leave a child alone is 12. As for looking after a baby too, I don't know.

It is young at 14 to have the responsibility of such a little baby, but, from 12 or 13 on, I did babysitting jobs, with even young babies, in my neighbourhood. I could always phone my mum, very close by, in case of a problem. I did decide I preferred weekend farm work, though...

There seems to be no legal ruling about how old a babysitter has to be in the UK, or at what age you legally can leave a child alone at home.

I personally would never have left a child in the care of a 14 year old for longer than the time it took me to nip to the shops if for any reason it was not feasible to remain with the baby myself and send the 14 year old to do the errand.

Leaving a baby with so young a girl for five hours seems completely wrong to me, but presumably the 14 year old's parents knew where she was and what she was doing and were all right with it, as were the baby's parents, so I don't see there is anything you can do to prevent this happening again Lizzy60.

I can only go by my children in which case the answer would be: No, No, Yes and No! Nothing to do with gender but just my observations with family babies (and pets!) over the years of them growing up. And also if there was an adult within easy reach - like next door - if a problem should arise.

If you think baby is in danger or being neglected, report it to Social Services. That's it. If something happened to the baby and you had done nothing, you'd never forgive yourself. If it was for half an hour in an emergency, maybe it wouldn't be so bad. But 5 hours? No. Never.

No absolutely not

No, why would you ?
If the mother "went out for the day" where was she? How far away was she?
It might well have been acceptable ( my dad told me that he was expected to look after his younger sisters from about the age of 10) years ago , but in this day and age, it's not acceptable. There is actually no minimum age by law, I believe that a child can be left alone , just "advised" !

No! It’s not fair on either child

It isn’t the ages….it’s the individual. If the 14 year old is a competent, level headed, individual…..not a problem.
I know it is decades ago but I babysat a lot at 14. I always had phone contact details and the children were, generally, asleep. It was more challenging babysitting during the day but I worked through it. No one came to any harm.