Thoughts please !

On the face of it, not ideal. However, I can think of a couple of teenagers I'd have trusted more than my ex mil!

Well your son and his partner should be called into question given you do not approve of their actions. Seems there may be an issue with the couple as you say filthy house as well as their style of parenting being called into question. A 3 month old may have been asleep for the the good part of 5 hours not actually needing attention. The 14 year old may have siblings she has helped care for. By the sounds of your post, it's your family members' ability to care for a child, not so much that of the 14 year old that is the problem. As a side, I was left at 12 years old to babysit my niece from being 8 weeks old. Initially not for long times but increased to hours eventually. My brother in law had a horrendous accident at work in a mine and the only way she managed with visiting him and looking after herself and my niece was with me helping out after school and at weekends - babysitting!

There are laws and rules and regulations about these things.
My understanding is that a 14 year who is not related to the baby is not allowed to look after them on there own.

I thought that teens, maybe under 16s had to hold a certificate of babysitting in some way. I may be wrong or situation has changed since I knew of it

User As far as I know there is no such thing as a babysitting cert in the UK.

It depends on the 14-year-old and how competent they are handling the baby. Many sensible 14-year-olds, who are used to handling a baby will be more competent than some adults.

Depends on the 14 year old. I would have trusted my daughter at that age but my grand daughter is a different case altogether - nose stuck in technology too much and wouldn't notice if something was wrong.

Depends entirely on the 14 year old concerned and the length of time being left in charge. Some 14 year olds are astonishingly competent & responsible - others are a complete disaster. I’ve known both!

My DM had my brother when I was fifteen. I was alone with him and a bottle regularly. I was the ‘ third parent ‘. We had no phone, and there was never a discussion about emergencies. Different times.

I wouldn't and neither would a lot of people. However, there are so many variables. Was there a responsible adult nearby and immediately on call in the event of a problem. How far away were the parents of the baby? Could they get back in minutes? Has the 14 year old got any experience with babies?

Haven't read the whole thread, but I don't need to. This should be reported to Social Services immediately.

You all very horrified but I think it genuinely depends on the maturity of said 14 year old and the family. I have an older son who and there was a very large age gap between him and his siblings (12, 14 and 17 years difference), he babysat for us when his siblings were quite young

rowyn

Haven't read the whole thread, but I don't need to. This should be reported to Social Services immediately.

I think you do need to read the thread actually!

The law This is taken from Gov.Uk

The law on leaving your child on their own
The law does not say an age when you can leave a child on their own, but it’s an offence to leave a child alone if it places them at risk.
Use your judgement on how mature your child is before you decide to leave them alone, for example at home or in a car.

The National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC) says:

children under 12 are rarely mature enough to be left alone for a long period of time
children under 16 should not be left alone overnight
babies, toddlers and very young children should never be left alone

Grannygrumps1

There are laws and rules and regulations about these things.
My understanding is that a 14 year who is not related to the baby is not allowed to look after them on there own.

There is no law relating to whether you’re a relative or not !! See my previous post

Germanshepherdsmum

I fear the OP has left the building...

She came back a few times, but how much more can she say?

it does sound as if the girl was probably looking after the baby better than the alcoholic mother, if you have concerns for your grandchilds safety then please report it, maybe social services are already involved, have you checked? as others have said you get a bit nippy if others do not agree with you. by the time i was 14 i had been looking after younger sibling for 5 years and yes one was a baby, maybe this 14 year old is very capable as a lot of 14 year olds are these days.

I’d love the OP to come back, please ! So many unanswered questions and so much confusion ?

Who is the alcoholic mum with the dirty house ? The DIL or the 14 year old’s Mum ??

Did she report them to SS ? If she did is Son still speaking to her ?

If she was that concerned why not just “pop by” and check ?

It’s all too odd !!

No definitely not it's not fair on the 14 yes old to give her so much responsibility for so long

That was my thought katie1950

Cossy I think it was Enid who mentioned the op pops on and off with the odd thread. Perhaps she's decided shes got enough answers to satisfy her?

The 14 year old daughter of an alcoholic may well be extremely responsible as she probably has to look after her mother! Children of alcoholics mature very fast.

At 15 I was asked by friends of my parents to babysit their 3 month old while they went to the cinema. They were going to be away for 3 hours and said the baby would not wake up during that short time. If course he did! and when I went in to cuddle him he screamed his head off. We had never seen each other before. It was a nightmare! Luckily the parents returned about 20 minutes later and all was well.

I got paid 5 shillings. It was my first babysitting job.

Can't be bothered with reading the whole thread, so if someone's already said this, I'm just reiterating it.

If the 14yr old at the baby are siblings, legally it's OK but the parent(s) is/are still responsible if there are any issues.

If they're not siblings then the 'babysitters must be minimum 16yr old and again, the parent of the baby is responsible if there are any issues

Cossy Confusing isn’t it? I scrolled back and OP says “the girls mother is an alcoholic “ not “the babies mother” .
I can understand LIZZIE60 asking for opinions , and think it very unkind to suggest she is jealous as someone did . I’d be quite anxious being left with a 3 month breast fed baby for 5 hours as an experienced mother and grandmother .I think it is completely irresponsible and I’m wondering if the babies mother has post natal depression to do such a thing.