Help! I’m new at this!

same in reverse.

Fact is I haven't a clue how often my GC meet up with their other GPs or what they do with them and that suits me fine. I've no desire for a competition and am very pleased with the inclusion I currently have. We all get together for the GC birthdays and those are decidedly congenial gatherings. My relationship with GC is joyful and they seldom mention the other GPs. I presume the situation is the sme
C

Just to say I wouldn’t do as a pp suggested and offer to take the baby out in the pram yet. I wouldn’t have wanted anyone taking my two out at that age and I’m pregnant with DC3 now and won’t be letting anyone do so this time round either. I’d wait to be asked or offered the chance to do that.

I’d say once a week is fine if that’s how much you saw them before. Just maybe let them know you are available more frequently if wanted/needed and maybe next time you see DIL say to her that you are available to help if needed.

I'm a maternal GP but I was always mindful of the paternal GP particularly as two of my GC are their first GC, hope that makes sense.
It's important to acknowledge that it's not a competition either, my FIL always took great delight in making sure everyone knew how much he had spent on GC birthday gifts etc.
Have you considered actually taking to your DS & DIL about all this? Explain that it's all new to you and you don't want to appear pushy and overbearing but neither do you want to appear distant either.

To be honest I don’t think it matters how often you see them to have a good relationship with them.
I see my two infrequently but when we do we get on really well. It is quality not quantity.

Wait until you are invited but when you are there show that you are pleased to be asked and show interest then.

I must admit I used to see the parents for the same amount of time before my GC came along
They had a very busy schedule before baby arrived.
I do offer help & let it be known that I am happy to help whenever
I suppose I just need to calm myself down a bit, I think it just comes from the worry that the maternal GP’s will have a better bond - that’s my problem, not anyone else’s

Congratulations new gran just let your son and daughter in law know you are there for them should they need anything. It’s an emotional time for everyone you will be asked for help when need be. I can guarantee when they are in need of help or something for baby you will be asked. You will always get sound advice on Gransnet.

How much did you see them before GC arrived? I’d imagine that would be your baseline unless they specifically ask for more help?

The best way to form a bond, is with quiet kindness. Going once a week is fine and much much more than many GPs have.

Where things seem to fall down is when the parents perceive a criticism. I have 8 GC fro. 27 years to toddlers. Each of my children raise their children differently. Child care advice has constantly changed over the years.

Sometimes, accidentally a GP can say the wrong thing, so I would say steer clear of talking about your own experiences of child rearing and never comment on theirs. Always speak to the parent directly, rather than through the child.

Keep visits short and offer to help, while you are there.

you don't need to establish a relationship with the child at the moment.
that's not what they need.
they need their parents and to get into routines.
don't crowd the parents.
if they need you they will ask.

Just ask them when would be an okay time to visit. Im sure they are getting used to the new baby and need private time but believe me, they know you are excited about the baby too.

I love my family. They are wonderful.
But just after giving birth, absolutely not. I like my space.

Even 2 years pp later with work and school, and clubs. I just don’t want to socialise to much.

Bibbity

I have no Grandchildren. My eldest is 7. So I feel that as the Post newborn phase is so recent I can assist.

If your family is happy with seeing you so often. Great.

But the odds are that as they have not reached out more. That once a week is more than enough.

More than that would have irritated me a lot.

Genuine question.... why would it have irritated you? I find in RL that all the grannies I know see lots of their grandchildren.... wheres on GN once a week is seen as too much..... its Thursday now and I've seen my grandchildren 4 times for various reasons.... and I work ..... I love seeing my children as much as I love seeing my GC

Many congratulations Newnan1. I absolutely love being a grandparent and adore my granddaughters. I’m a people pleaser too - which can be a bit of a disadvantage at times. I would suggest once a week for a visit as well if suitable for your DIL and ask if you can do anything to help whilst there (which I’m sure you would anyway). My DD has twins who are nearly 4 years old and I was asked to help out a lot in the early day’s following the Caesarian birth. I did wait to be asked as I didn’t want to push myself. I did feel at times that I was in the way, so I had to be wary of that, even though I’d been asked to help. A minefield! I did find - and still do - that my DD’s MIL was treated exactly the same as me. Maybe that’s because by DD gets on extremely well with her MIL. I do feel though that DD is far more tolerant of her MIL than she is of me! It wasn’t always an easy time in those first few weeks of the twins’ birth, because DD was exhausted, even with help. All the best! You’ll love being a grandmother/nan - it’s a very special time!

It might be helpful to remember how you felt as a new mum, I felt once a week visits would be too much. YMMV

Congratulations to you, how often were you seeing the parents before baby came along? I would just be respectful and not expect to be there when I wanted to be, I totally agree with bibitty post,

The only advice that I would offer you, also speaking as a paternal grandparent, is to make any time you spend with the new parents as pleasant as you can for the parents too, not just all about your seeing the baby.
The more they enjoy your company, the more likely you are to see more of them long-term.

Try to 'feel' your way as to what, if anything, would be particularly appreciated by them at this early stage, whether it's practical help such as a bit of cleaning or the odd homemade meal delivered to their door for them to warm up, or sitting with baby for a short time while they have a lie-down.

If it seems that they prefer the current pattern of visits, then try your best to accept it 'happily', and make the most of it.
Any unwanted pressure could so easily have the opposite result from the one you want.

Good luck, and I hope that things work out well for you all

I have no Grandchildren. My eldest is 7. So I feel that as the Post newborn phase is so recent I can assist.

If your family is happy with seeing you so often. Great.

But the odds are that as they have not reached out more. That once a week is more than enough.

More than that would have irritated me a lot.

Offer to help your DDiL, taking baby out in pram while she has a sleep, taking round a casserole, ironing, 'what can I do to support you 3?'
Have fun. Enjoy bring a paternal gran. It's a great job

Isn’t it rather what’s right for the parents Louisa? I would have found a GP constantly wanting to visit and have a cuddle a thorough nuisance! GPs have had their babies, now it’s the parents’ time.

Bibbity

Sorry we cross posted.
Once a week is more than enough!
Is there a reason you want more? I wouldn't as for more I would wait to be invited more than that.

Is that how often you see your GC? Maybe thats ok for you.. if so then great... but lots of others see their GC far more than that....I see my 3 about 4 to 5 times a week....once a week would not be enough for me .....that works for our family...OP will work out whats right for her

I think you will be fine newnan I know it's hard, I'd cuddle babies 24/7 if I could lol

First of all congratulations Newnan1 ! How exciting for you!
A new baby in the family is such a joyous occasion isn’t it?

Not a lot to add to all the good advice already given except to stress that as far as seeing more of your granddaughter goes, I would tred very warily.
The baby is only six weeks old, the parents are probably trying to get into some sort of routine, so your visits may alter as the baby’s sleep pattern changes.

I’m all for offering to help when you are there but I’m also very aware that some women wouldn’t like anyone (even mother in law) doing chores in the house.

Others love it, so it’s a question of feeling your way, being guided by what you know about daughter in law.

I would also second offering to take shopping round, or a takeaway.

Finally I think the golden rule is to never out-stay your welcome!

Thank you all - this chat is giving me some much needed perspective
I should consider myself lucky instead of comparing the time I get to the time others get

I think once a week is fine too, all the sleep overs and days together happen when they are much much older than 6 weeks.

Invite them to yours and they may say come here because its easier with a new baby... But once a week is fine for now.

Also don't forget (I am not saying you are) that they exist and the parents matter too. Offer to do a bit of shopping, or bake them something proffer to wash up and put the hoover around... This would get you lots of brownie points from me when I was anew mum and I'd have probably asked you to hold baby so I could nap.... Maybe not until 3 months or so though, it's hard for new mums to let go of the babies sometimes and they just want someone to create situations where they don't have to