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Grandparenting

Help! I’m new at this!

(65 Posts)
Eviebeanz Thu 21-Oct-21 11:07:07

Hi there I'm also a PGP. I haven't found that it has made a difference so far.
depending on how close you live to them you could make the offer of helping out with washing (sheets, towels etc. ie your son could drop it off to you and you could do it. He could collect it from you. That was something my DIL found very helpful as she had Csections both times.
If you say "I'm free today" that could imply that you're not free at other times.
It's very early days. You could say "anything you need just give us a shout". Congratulations by the way.

Kim19 Thu 21-Oct-21 11:03:29

Once a week sounds amazing to me. It's difficult but try hard not to overstay your visit. Of course you're not 'unwanted' but they're evolving into their own new family and that takes some doing too. Enjoy. GC are wonderful but at their level, not yours.

V3ra Thu 21-Oct-21 11:02:58

When you do go, ask if there's any shopping they need you to bring with you, take a cake, while you're there ask if there are any little jobs you can do to help. Even simple things like emptying the bins can be a big help.
And always remember it's not just your precious granddaughter you're visiting, ask how mum and dad are as well!
Congratulations to all of you ?

March Thu 21-Oct-21 10:50:12

Once a week I would say is absolutely fine.
There will still be midwives coming in and Health visitors, not to mention other family and friends.
Plus your DIL is still recovering.

Congratulations btw! I think you'll be fine grin

DillytheGardener Thu 21-Oct-21 10:35:33

I think once a week at that stage is plenty. They will be in a whirl wind of figuring out parenting at this stage. I’d leave them to it and perhaps offer to pay for the odd takeaway to keep their energy up and save dishes. My mother used to bring dh and I fish & chips once a week when my first son was born, it was SO appreciated.

Newnan1 Thu 21-Oct-21 10:31:51

I’m really appreciating everyone’s advice - thank you ? it’s really helpful to have someone else’s respective on things. I suppose I just don’t want my GC to not have a good relationship with me (selfish I know!)
Maybe I have unrealistic expectations
I think that I made this a problem for myself! My world revolved around my children & now I’m having to get used to being on my own more.
Who knew it was such a minefield!

Zoejory Thu 21-Oct-21 10:26:43

Once a week for a couple of hours sounds fine to me. I don't think I saw mine that often. Maternal or paternal.

They will still be getting used to parenthood so just wait a while.

Hetty58 Thu 21-Oct-21 10:23:50

Newnan1, don't be 'more direct'. I think it's just bad manners to ask to visit. It's requesting an invitation.

Instead, I'd invite them or try to arrange to meet up. That way, you're not creating extra work for the tired new parents. They might come back asking you to visit - and that's fine.

Bibbity Thu 21-Oct-21 10:20:18

Sorry we cross posted.
Once a week is more than enough!
Is there a reason you want more? I wouldn't as for more I would wait to be invited more than that.

Bibbity Thu 21-Oct-21 10:19:22

How often are you seeing them at the moment? And how often did you see them before the baby?

Newnan1 Thu 21-Oct-21 10:18:28

My GC is 6 weeks old - so I really am very new at this!
So far I have seen her about once a week, for a couple of hours
I just feel that if I don’t put myself out there, then they may think that I’m not bothered or interested. I also thought that if I don’t contact them, then they might think ‘well she doesn’t bother with us, she can’t care!’

Esspee Thu 21-Oct-21 09:55:52

“I would love to see you all. When is it convenient for me to come?”

Simple, to the point and not pushy.
How old is your grandchild?

Germanshepherdsmum Thu 21-Oct-21 09:54:21

Personally I would prefer to wait until I was invited. Saying you are free ‘today’ really puts someone on the spot. Just letting them ask you round rather than inviting yourself, however it’s worded, is my advice. As a paternal GP you’re always likely to take second place as you know, assuming the maternal GPs live as close as you do.

Lucca Thu 21-Oct-21 09:45:39

It all depends on how much you are already seeing GC.

Newnan1 Thu 21-Oct-21 09:43:34

Hi, I’m hoping for some advice - I am a new GP & I would love to see more of my GC. I am a paternal GP & stupidly hadn’t thought that this would make a difference! I have been feeling a little sidelined, but after reading posts on this site & thinking rationally, I can understand how that would happen & that it isn’t personal. What I am really struggling with is how to word things when I message to see if I can visit. I am a terrible people pleaser & this is my constant downfall, I also don’t want people to feel pressure, so I usually say ‘if you need me I am free today!’ What I really mean is ‘can I come & visit’
How can I be more direct without making people feel like they have to say yes?!