Obligated to watch gc overnight?

Thank you all for the encouragement, helpful advice and understanding! It really helps just knowing that I'm not being a terrible grandma by not wanting to stay up all night.

My gd sometimes naps during the day- I advise my daughter to stick to a routine but I know it's not always easy. She also still breastfeeds at night which I definitely can't offer ?. I'm sure that contributes to her not falling back to sleep after waking, although my daughter says she is often awake much of the night.

I know 9-10pm is crazy late for a toddler- my gd has never fallen asleep here before 9:30 and I guess it's the same at home. No matter how cute they are, by 9 I think most of us are DONE!! I really want to give my daughter a break, it's just hard to feel pressured to do the sleepover especially this week. I started a new job on top of my regular job with more responsibilities, plus I'm just getting over a cold. I only tend to get sick when I'm stressed.

I am going to talk to my daughter- you all have given me great ideas here on how to bring it up tactfully and kindly.

Agnurse, that's a perfect way to word everything! Exactly how I feel and it sounds kind and reasonable as well as honest.

It's funny because I said my daughter has trouble setting limits and reading the replies here made me realize I have the same problem. It's so hard to say no especially because I love spending time with my gd. She's the sweetest little girl, always smiling. I just don't sleep well even normally- I'm a very light sleeper plus I have rabbits that start waking me up at 5am, wanting to be fed repeatedly. Ironically, that's usually when gdaughter finally goes into a deep sleep!

If my daughter actually has plans that would be ruined by not leaving gd overnight, I'll try the excellent ideas that have provided here. We can sleep in a room with the door shut so the rabbits won't be bothering us and gd can't wander off. And if she wakes up, a tablet is an excellent idea. I will also offer to go out there and babysit, perhaps the convenience of that could make up for an overnight!

Onward and upward, I'm so sorry that you don't get to see your GC. It's terribly hurtful when our kids cut off communication, and losing touch with grandchildren makes it worse. My daughter got into a brief relationship with someone who brainwashed her and she turned against me and suddenly stopped coming out to see me or sending pics of my gd. I was devastated- thank God it was shortlived but I feel your pain. I hope everything works out and you can reunite with them.

Sorry for writing a novel again. Thank you all SO MUCH for your kindness and advice! It's great to be able to "talk" to other grandmas ?.

You absolutely have the right to decline to care for her overnight. What you might do is say something similar to this: "Jane, you know that I love having Delia over to mine. She's lovely. But I am finding it difficult to have her overnight. My experience is that she wakes up multiple times a night, and I don't sleep well and have a hard day the next day as a consequence. From now on, I'm happy to take her for the day, but I can't have her stay the night. Can we figure out a good time for you to pick her up? This way I can have her over and we can enjoy our time, but I can still get a good night's sleep."

Could you find a way to be physically in the room with your grand daughter, but asleep? In a room that has been safety proofed? Maybe with a TV on very low OR with a child's iPad/tablet? My GS has one. It's in a rubber case AND has a screen protector on it. You can progamme them to only show certain things. If you kept it JUST for the middle of the night, it would be a novelty and she might let you sleep while watching it next to you in bed.

My GS sometimes wakes very early (4am) and with this method, sometimes I can sleep beside him while he watches. And eventually, he will drop off again.

I know it isn't ideal, but desperate measures...

It does sound as if your DD needs the occasional break.

Gosh, you sound so lovely.

I think you need to chat with your daughter, let her know you love visiting with GD, but you struggle with broken sleep. You’re willing (if you are) to do overnights occasionally, but not every time you babysit.

Sleeping now, is it possible that you could babysit at your daughters house so that your granddaughter can sleep with her?

Can you also visit them at their house so they aren’t the only ones doing the driving? Perhaps that will soften the blow?

I don’t think this will become a big issue, just another place where we all speak up for what works for us

This is all really exhausting!
I do also think that you're great giving your daughter a break and helping her stay clean and supported. My own mother would never even babysit for an evening, not for even two hours- because she worked during the day. So your daughter is fortunate.
The waking in the night must be really tiring though. Do you have a stair gate on the door to keep her to one room? That way you can make sure any mess is contained to only one room.

I don't see my GC at all because my son is estranged. I would love to see them, so I am a little envious that you're allowed to have yours to stay- but not envious of those sleepless nights, to be honest.

Perhaps you can try being really boring at night and tell your daughter that you want to try new tactics to help HER have a better night's sleep. That way you could encourage her to try better sleep habits ? Then you could also keep to those habits.

One of my sons wasn't good at sleeping alone. I didn't want him in my bed so I used to lie in his bed with him until he went back to sleep. Often I would fall asleep too, there. He grew out of it and looking back, those were special times. I used to yawn a lot and be really boring and he'd go back to sleep because nothing else was happening. Another thing you could try is use a mood light or relaxing night light but not put the tv on. Remember it's your house and you need sleep. You can tell your GD that Grandma is old and needs her sleep! Then close your eyes and as long as there is a stairgate so she can't escape the room and everything is safe, you can sleep there.

If those things don't work, I think you might need to talk to your daughter about not having your GD to stay- but its risky in case you upset her.

Gosh. You say your daughter ‘occasionally’ asks you to babysit, so it’s not a regular thing?

Of course you are under no obligation and if you don’t enjoy having your granddaughter because it’s too tiring then you’re well within your rights to say no. You have to do what’s right for you, but the toddler stage is all too short and she’ll be grown before you know it.

My husband and I both work full time in very demanding roles, but when we have our two year old granddaughter overnight, or for a few days (which we often do), it’s both because we love having her and to give her equally hardworking parents a break. They have unbroken nights or very early mornings with her almost every night, not just once or twice a month - so we’re very glad to be able to give them a few nights off from time to time. And we know that she will eventually grow out of her nighttime waking. My son and daughter-in-law are aware that it’s very tiring for us, but they are hugely grateful and we’re glad to help out in a meaningful way.

I have my grandchildren to stay as often as I can and even though my husband is also very ‘hands on’ with them it’s true that I’m always exhausted when they go home, but to me it’s a price I’m willing to pay and I know that all my children value my time and commitment.

I found that when my GS who didn't sleep well at home stayed with me he slept better. Partly because I told him I needed to sleep and we didn't play during the night. Sometimes if he had a nightmare he finished up in my bed but he slept.
Your GD might improve , so it might not be as bad as you fear.
I was a bit shocked about swapping the child between 9 and 10. She should be in bed.

If it’s only occasionally, could it be perhaps on a Friday night if you don’t have to work at the weekend. It must be hard t9 be a single mum and awake every night with a 2 year old.
Some children do have difficulty sleeping all through the night. Does your granddaughter sleep during the day? Perhaps she needs to have some energetic play and then a wind down and quiet time before bed. Sounds as though you love her a lot. Hope you manage to work something out.

You should not feel obliged to have your GC overnight. I fully understand that if your GC does not sleep well that your daughter must be feeling shattered and will look forward to an uninterrupted night! However you are entitled to say no.She has done remarkably well to be clean for three years !! and I am sure you want to support her as much as you can . If you could work together to improve your GC sleep issue, life would be so much easier for all three of you ! It can be done and the sooner the better!! Can your daughter access advise and support from her Health Visitor or similar professional. The idea of a two year old still awake at 9 pm fills me with sadness for Mum and child. You are most definitely not a bad grandma! On the contrary you are a caring and loving one. If your daughter knows you are reluctant to have her child overnight it may promt her into getting help to solve the sleep problem. If you are babysitting during the day it is not unreasonable for you to be anxious about having your GC to stay overnight!! Don't feel bad about this , explain to your daughter that after a day of child care it would be too much to have the child overnight - unless her sleep routine improves. Be brave abd good luck.

You are not obligated to do anything.

I totally understand where you are coming from. I watched my great nephew while his mom was having his brother. I took him the night before so she could get a good night's sleep. I was miserable! He barely slept.

I would only do it again in case of emergency.

You can say no and just let your daughter know that the overnights and broken sleep aren't working for you. I can see the dilemma though, due to past issues. No doubt you want to support and keep them close more due to that.

The arrangement you suggest sounds reasonable. I would pause over the 9-10pm exchange though. That's very late for a young child and I'd probably suggest earlier, maybe no later than 8pm.

You know the situation best. Are you worried your daughter could relapse if you don't offer this support? If so, it may be possible to find another work around with a night nanny.

You have the right to set up your boundaries - talk to your daughter about what works for both of you