Grandbaby moving

9yo DGS told DD he feels invisible when we get together. I rarely see DD on her own. Have invited DGS to tea by himself but DD says he doesn't want that and hasn't suggested an alternative resolution. DGS has always been consulted on any decision involving him. Hoping that time will help

I completely agree with what BlueBell and Hithere have said. I’m sure it was very convenient for your daughter to have your help and you enjoyed playing mummy but you’re not his mummy and you have to let him go, spread his wings and grow up. I know it will be hard but if you love him it’s what you must do. And please stop calling him your ‘grand baby’, that will not help you or him to move forward. Your bond with him will never be broken but for his sake and yours it needs to be loosened.

So basically you coparented this child with your daughter.

Their move is not easy for you but it will be beneficial for everybody.

The child needs to learn to be more independent.

With today's technology, you can easily maintain great face to face contact with them

It will take time to find your new normal.

I apologise ahead of what I m going to say because you will not like this

Im so attached because he is so dependant on my bond with him. I didn't create it i did go along with it

This is very, very unhealthy for the child and for you
At 4 years old he should be starting to explore life You should have encourage him to be more independent, unfortunately it has so suited you to keep him depending on you, because it has made you needed and giving you a maternal role You have confidently made him your child because he’s been conveniently handed to you by your daughter and it suited your need to nurture and hers to manage her life

If you love this child more than you love yourself then you have to pull yourself together and instead of crying and hanging on to him you have to confidently smile as you wave goodbye you do not pull him back when he cries because of course he will, he did last time and both you and your daughter chose the easy route and left him with you …. A huge, huge mistake.
You are badly damaging this child that you love so much

The biggest gift we can give a child is teaching them that they are whole without us

First let me explain and sorry if you take it add being defensive. My grandson..has been in my life since he's been born. He and my daughter had lived with me starting at birth. Off and onn since. Im so attached because he is so dependant on my bond with him. I didn't create it i did go along with it. His mom always says things such as..you want your GMA.... Go....to the point she never asks me top keep him she just leaves. I mostly potty trained...bottle broke..pacifier broke him. I've bought 90 percent of his clothes. Not only has he been dependant on me... She has.

However much we love our GC they are NOT our children
He is not your "grandbaby" he is a child of 4 who belongs with his mother and siblings and if you cannot cut those apron strings you risk making yourself very unhsppy- as well as this child you love

I agree with bluebelle

This child is seeing the energy and mood you display and mimicking it.

You need to be the grown up here.
He belongs with his mum; it's that simple.
You and he will move on from this, as upsetting as you find it.
Be kind, and make no fuss.

I agree with what everyone else has said. You refer to him as your grand baby in the title of your post. He isn’t a baby any more and you must let him grow up with his mother and sister and the friends he will make at school. Keep in regular touch but do try to get yourself some interests. It’s not good for anyone to let their whole life centre on their grandchildren. You must move on and I wish you all the best in doing so.

It will be a sad day for you both but you must let him go with his mummy to his new life hard as it may be.
When you go to the airport to meet your DD take a friend or relative with you who can drive you home and be comfort to you as I am sure you will be upset.
Make sure you set up regular contact with him & your DD maybe after school during the day which will give him & you something to look forward to.

Unfortunately your immense need for your grandson has encroached on him in a big way and has made him needy too and will damage him
I can really feel your pain and feel very very sad for you but this is the best thing that can happen He should not be this needy he should be with his mum happy to go out to play and separate for school/ nursery/ friends without being frightened of his shadow
You have to put your grief to one side this little boy is going where he belongs to have a happy life with his mum and baby sibling
By making hi so reliant on you you will damage him and I m sure that’s the last thing you want to do
If you are in such mental pain please see a doctor or counsellor this is not a natural situation He has to be free to grow, to expand and to find his little independent feet

Please let him go with a smile on your face . I recognize how painful this is going to be, but it must and will happen. Your GS. should be with his mum. Be brave , good luck !!!

What sodapop said. It's hard to say goodbye. I hope you can make arrangements to visit regularly. What about Zoom calls with your daughter and grandson? Will it help to say goodbye if you schedule a visit that you can look forward to in advance?

In time, maybe you will see this as an opportunity to develop some new interests and contacts. As was said, your gs should be part of your world instead of all of it.

dangel I know it's breaking your heart but he needs to be with his mom and sibling. By leaving him with you has made it harder for you both. But you can still keep in touch . He is young and will forget the time he lived with . Sorry it's sounds harsh but young children forget.

You can write,email and video call. If you make it difficult your daughter might decide to cut you out of her and your grandchildren's life. And believe me you don't want that.

So between now and when she comes hide your feelings and talk positively about the new wonderful life he will have. All the new things he will see and do. Don't say or do anything negative about your daughter.

Having your child turn their back on you and not having any contact with them or your grandchildren is a price you don't to pay.

I know only to well what that feels like.

You could put together a photo album of his mom when she was a baby and older pictures plus pictures of him and his sibling and ones of you for him to take with him.

Don't keep saying how much you will miss him it will only make it harder for him. You need to set your feelings to one side and put his first. By the time your daughter comes make it so he is looking forward to his new life.

Easier said than done . But he comes first and needs his mom and sibling.

Being a grandmother you have to let go. You have to be brave for you both.

I understand how sad this is for you dangel its much more difficult for your grandson. You have to put your own feelings aside and prepare him for the move, he needs to be with his mother. Your grandson should be part of your world not the whole of it. Take courage and think of your daughter and grandson not yourself.