Wondered whether it's ok

I would make sure that the older girl gets to celebrate her Mum's birthday by inviting them all to have tea with you when they come to pick her up. Then you could spend the day with her decorating a card, threading up paper bunting, blowing up balloons, decorating a cake etc to make the day special.

This sort of situation caused arguments with my son and DIL.
I looked after DGD 2 days a week but found out DIL was sometimes not at work but off out with her friends for lunch or the spa!
Really used to upset me as she never said, and I found out when a mutual friend saw her out and about.
OP I think they are taking advantage of you. They have 2 children now not one.

It seems perfectly reasonable to me. They can’t so easily leave the baby behind but at least won’t have the toddler to accommodate on a much needed treat outing for mum’s birthday. The toddler is not even old enough to understand what a birthday is let alone when it is. She won’t miss what she doesn’t know about and probably there will be some kind of celebration which includes her at home. Given the opportunity I would have done the same.

Some 2.5 year olds can handle restaurants, but plenty can’t. Pandemic toddlers, in particular, seem to have a very difficult time in restaurants because they didn’t get much practice early on. An infant will just sleep most for the most of the meal.

I understand your feelings, but I think you’re projecting feelings on a toddler who couldn’t care less. I think it’s nice and a really kind gift from you to give mom a special day where she can actually relax and enjoy her meal. She won’t be able to do either with a toddler en tow.

There are plenty of big family holidays to celebrate. Why not let mom have a relaxing outing on her own special day? Especially considering GD isn’t old enough to understand or feel left out?

I expect he is thinking that it would be nice for them to have s day together. They can't leave a tiny baby though so they are taking her with them. Perhaps when they are together again they will share a birthday cake and the two year old can help celebrate then.

Gabrielle56

Reconnect? Date? Claptrap! Sounds like to are an avid love island idiot! Real life means family includes ALL members not just the ones you fancy at any given time!

This is the most ridiculous comment here. And there's been a few runners.

I should think it's more that they know the toddler wouldn't enjoy walking round smart gardens looking at the plants where they can't have a good run, rather than not wanting the child with them. I think the toddler will be far happier sticking to routine than going out.

Different generation thinking I would suggest. My DIL has been known to have a day off work and still put gc into daycare.

Gabrielle56

Reconnect? Date? Claptrap! Sounds like to are an avid love island idiot! Real life means family includes ALL members not just the ones you fancy at any given time!

so parents are never allowed ANY respite from toddler care?

Is that really what you think about your own son Gabrielle? A shit? What a nasty thing to call your own child.

Reconnect? Date? Claptrap! Sounds like to are an avid love island idiot! Real life means family includes ALL members not just the ones you fancy at any given time!

kwest

After having my lunch ruined at Waitrose a couple of weeks ago by a child whom I would think was probably about 5 years old. She was with her mother and grandmother. At no point did they try to quieten the child down who shouted and screamed and was in general a complete pain. Lots of people turned and looked at the adults and the child but they ignored everyone. I was angry. It is not a cheap place to eat and the lunch of possibly 20 other people had been spoiled by this obnoxious child. Unless small children are taught to have excellent table manners their parents really should take them to McDonalds or somewhere similar. So grandparents please realize that the world does not revolve around bad mannered toddlers.

Child being the operative word here. The child was noisy and not behaving because she had never been taught how to behave. You do get that don't you? Children do what they are allowed to do. Don't blame the child you snob blame the rotten parents Waitrose? Get real! Its a supermarket and not a very good one either! Ok.

No you're not. They're a selfish bunch nowadays. My Son used to pat his little daughter on head like a dog when he used to collect her from us when we had her. She used to gaze up at him and say "hello daddy" it broke my heart she so wanted him to pick her up but he never did. The shit

After having my lunch ruined at Waitrose a couple of weeks ago by a child whom I would think was probably about 5 years old. She was with her mother and grandmother. At no point did they try to quieten the child down who shouted and screamed and was in general a complete pain. Lots of people turned and looked at the adults and the child but they ignored everyone. I was angry. It is not a cheap place to eat and the lunch of possibly 20 other people had been spoiled by this obnoxious child. Unless small children are taught to have excellent table manners their parents really should take them to McDonalds or somewhere similar. So grandparents please realize that the world does not revolve around bad mannered toddlers.

BlueBelle

I think it’s pretty odd too why wouldn’t they want a family outing !
But whatever the reason you ll just have to go along with it their decision

because its not a family outing its a birthday celebration for the Mum. If she is BF or even feels she doesn't want to be parted from her new baby then I don't see anything wrong, its not like they are going to legoland!

This is a no brainer

What they planned is not suitable for a 2.5 year old.

It is ok for the parents to have a date, as adults, and reconnect

The child will know its dad is home

The child is 2.5. I guarantee she has no concept of annual leave or days off.

Even IF she did clock it. She can be distracted. Just don't tell her they are going.

I am probably in the minority but I think the toddler should go with them and its new sibling. The child will know its dad is home. It will feel like he does not want to spend time with her but does with the baby.

It sounds reasonable to me. They would naturally take the baby with them as it will need feeding, changing regularly. Maybe they plan on having birthday cake once they have picked up the older child. Also I think the 2 year old would probably get bored and spoil the relaxing day out.

Some of you do tend to make life hard for yourselves!

Why didn't you just ask why they are not taking the big girl with them?

Probably, they are hoping the baby will sleep all the time, and know very well she swouldn't if her two-year old sister was with them.

Are you sure SIL isn't hoping for a quickie while out with his wife? Most men who have kept their trousers buttoned for eight weeks would be, though few new mothers are ready to oblige eight weeks after having a baby!

yes I think overall it is just making the day easier...and you are helping that. I think you have done and are doing what you can

The husband has taken the day off to take his wife out for her birthday. He obviously can't take her out without the baby so I can't see any reason why the older child can't be left with you.
If the baby had not been born and there was just the toddler and he decided to take just his wife out for the day on her own, would that be a problem?
The 2.5 year old won't be feeling that they are missing out, if they are going round gardens etc, they will probably be bored and possibly spoil the day out.
It would be a different thing if the older child was say 5+ but just let daughter have a nice day out for her birthday!

I don't see a problem at all. Mum and Dad will have a relaxing day without a toddler. I cannot imagine a toddler is going to miss out on much by not visiting a garden centre. I don't think it is about excluding the child, it's about giving your DD a chance to enjoy herself for a few hours without having a toddler to consider and they can have more birthday celebrations later when their daughter is home.
Children of any age do not have to be included in every family activity.

I'd be delighted my SiL wanted to treat my daughter to celebrate her birthday. They seem a considerate family & the 2.5 would have more fun with you than out for an adult celebration.

My DD also had a baby at the beginning of September and is not yet ready to leave the baby with anyone else.

Grannybags

They're probably knackered looking after new baby and are looking forward to a nice quiet lunch out together.

Exactly this.

If you are happy to have the child, as usual, it's really nothing to do with you and the child will be completely unaware of "being excluded".