Wondered whether it's ok

I can completely understand this. They may be going out to a nice restaurant where a toddler would be bored. I'm sure they will have a birthday tea to include your GD after they pick her up and she'll be non the wiser!

I agree with those who say don't overthink this Bungle a toddler can be hard work on a day out. I'm sure she won't worry about not going and will have a much better time with her Grandma. I don't think going out to lunch is a favourite thing for a two year old to do. I'm with your daughter & son in law on this one.

Sometimes it suits everyone to have a routine and stick to it. Families are different - I've been surprised by parents who leave their children with grandparents or other relatives and head off on holidays by themselves.
However, this is just 1 day and 2 1/2 year olds don't have much patience!

Cold

DiscoDancer1975

They will have thought through how likely it is their baby will settle. Bluebelle, you just wouldn’t have done it presumably.

I think the whole arrangement is odd to be honest. When I had my babies, I would never have sent the older ones off for a few days....and also, wouldn’t have kept looking after grandchildren when mum was at home., but appreciate that’s not what the OP is asking.

It's a lunch out - not a week's holiday

So you would want to have the toddler to help out a DD who is up doing night feedings with a new baby

I did help if they needed me...but it wasn’t a static arrangement, where I just had them regardless.

It's something to consider when having children, isn't it?
Treating both equally is another.

If the 2yr old was included the day would have to be designed around her wants and needs which would be not walking around garden places or sitting down to a nice peaceful lunch.

One of my middle ones was very motivated by food and you really could have taken him anywhere at 2yo. He would even the eat the olives they put on the tables whilst you chose from the menu

A nice relaxed lunch out and a two year old aren’t things that go together IMO!

I wouldn't have celebrated my birthday without my child there.
It wouldn't feel right.
A night out would be a totally different thing, but a whole day of doing family stuff whilst omitting her is unpleasant, to my mind.

DiscoDancer1975

They will have thought through how likely it is their baby will settle. Bluebelle, you just wouldn’t have done it presumably.

I think the whole arrangement is odd to be honest. When I had my babies, I would never have sent the older ones off for a few days....and also, wouldn’t have kept looking after grandchildren when mum was at home., but appreciate that’s not what the OP is asking.

It's a lunch out - not a week's holiday

So you would want to have the toddler to help out a DD who is up doing night feedings with a new baby

Hetty mine bless her heart went on for 5/6 months too and as I had an ‘absent’ father it was very very hard
I just think either it’s a birthday family day or not doesnt seem at all equal and a bit strange to me I can’t really put a reason to it Even if the baby sleeps and it’s never guaranteed it just seems strange to leave the other little one out

BlueBelle, I had a colic monster too (supposed to be '3 month colic' but it lasted for 5 months). Arranging to go out - no way! Lunch - no! Sleep - no! I really don't know how we survived it.

Is the husband the 2 yr olds dad?

It seems a bit miserable to me, not to include both children, regardless of whether the 2 yr old will know or not.
The baby will know even less, presumably.

They will have thought through how likely it is their baby will settle. Bluebelle, you just wouldn’t have done it presumably.

I think the whole arrangement is odd to be honest. When I had my babies, I would never have sent the older ones off for a few days....and also, wouldn’t have kept looking after grandchildren when mum was at home., but appreciate that’s not what the OP is asking.

I can see it both ways really. Seems a bit sad to leave 2.5 year old out, not make it a family day. But equally I can see why the opportunity to have (hopefully) a bit of time together whilst baby sleeps could be tempting. They are clearly prioritising what is important for them at this point and that is appropriate.

Let it Go and enjoy your GD

….but there is also the chance that the 8 week old won’t sleep though I had a colic baby and she wouldn’t have slept through half an hour ?
I still think it’s strange to take one and not the other and not to say to the grandmother will you have Jemima we just don’t think she ll sit still long enough or she’d rather spend the time with you or she will just wake the baby up as soon as we get there or or or

They're probably knackered looking after new baby and are looking forward to a nice quiet lunch out together.

I wouldn't over think it.

It sounds as though he is planning to give them time together at a couple's lunch rather than a toddler friendly outing. Is she feeding the baby? If so the baby would automatically have to go. DH and I used to do this once a year by going to the big city for lunch (and a little secret Christmas shopping for toddler's present) - the baby would come along but the 2.5 year old - absolutely not!

I would expect that the toddler would be involved later - perhaps having a cake or ice-cream that she would enjoy.

I suppose it depends where they going. They might like a day out which is similar to one they would have had before children. An eight week old baby wouldn’t have that much impact.

I went out for lunch with my daughter and her eight week old baby the other day. We had a great chat...baby just slept through. It would have been a different story with a 2 1/2 year old!

She won’t know anyway. She’ll just be with her granny as always, and your daughter and SIL can grab the chance to have a good day...just them.

It could be the last time, unless you’re in for this every year! Just adding children.

It is a bit weird, I agree. I also think it's taking the pee a bit to expect you still childmind when they are both off work. do you have a dog they can look after on your birthday?

I wouldn't be insisting on a reason, but just out of interest I would probably just say 'oh, are you not taking Mabel?' and see what they say.

I think it’s pretty odd too why wouldn’t they want a family outing !
But whatever the reason you ll just have to go along with it their decision

I think it's fine. They probably want some time together but obviously can't leave the baby.

Bungle, it strikes me as very strange too. I'd want a good reason for that decision. Maybe she gets overtired and needs a nap so would be difficult to include?