Grandchildren growing up

This thread reminds me of the time I’d left my 2 home alone for 3 nights. They were both university students aged 19 and 17. When I arrived home they were both out and I was met with my son’s mattress lying in the garden. I was afraid to look round the house wondering what else I was going to find. But everything looked fine.

I heard the tale of woe that evening that they’d decided not to disclose till I got back. My son was at home studying for exams and felt his room chilly and decided he needed to bleed the radiator. He left the valve open and went downstairs for some lunch( I suspect a slow leisurely one that involved a PlayStation session!) when he went back upstairs the central heating system had emptied into his bed.

The mattress was absolutely sodden. When I asked how they even managed to haul it down 2 flights of stairs from the attic bedroom as it was so waterlogged and heavy he said they didn’t. They dropped it from the bedroom window!

I would never have left a younger child in the charge of a 17 year old.My daughters friends family did just that and the 17 year old brother thought it was funny to get the girls drunk .then he panicked and put the two who were just visitors outside in the rain ,thankfully we knew the next door neighbours and they phoned us to collect our girl and her friend ,

Cabbie21, I left home and lived with my boyfriend at just 17. Our parents were happy to leave us at home when we were about 10 - so, surely, a 14 and 17 year old are quite capable?

maddyone

Sorry if it was me who was quick to judge, but it is illegal to leave children alone overnight of that age.

At almost 17? No that isn't illegal. I was married a month after my 17th birthday, I was working, running a house and the idea I couldn't be alone for a night is frankly ridiculous.

I left my 18 year old dd with my 16 year old dd for 4 nights - I’d given them some money for any extras they might need and the oldest daughter took the youngest one clubbing in Newcastle ! I only found out years later ..... they’d had a great time . Made me feel incredibly irresponsible though . Having said that my mum let my 14 year old self go on holiday with my grannie (to Scarborough of all places ) and I got up to no end of mischief ...

I have a (just a few weeks ago) 18 year old and a 14 year old.

I have left the (then) 17 year old alone at home overnight several times. I have not left the 14 year old home alone overnight, but would leave them at home together if I had to, such as the Op's scenario.

My biggest concern would be the two of them fighting, not that they couldn't take care of themselves though.

Cabbie21, I think your reaction to be proud is exactly the right one. The fact that they could be trusted to stay home and we’re independent enough to fend for themselves shows you that your DD has done a blooming good job so far in raising them to be relatively responsible humans!

Cabbie21

Lol, they do squabble a lot, Calistemon.

Hithere, I said in my OP that I thought it was a good decision, so in what way should I adjust my expectations?

My DC nor my DGC ever squabble, Cabbie21

???

Well, I’m having a little wry smile at how much mis-reading has gone on in this post. Not just Maddy?

Not going to finger anyone, but just read the original and then the replies?

It is not illegal to leave a 12 year old at home alon. There is no legislation on the subject,, although it is generally considered not appropriate.

Lol, they do squabble a lot, Calistemon.

Hithere, I said in my OP that I thought it was a good decision, so in what way should I adjust my expectations?

maddyone

I have already stated that I misread the OP and mistook 17 for 12. I made a mistake. I know it’s not illegal for a 17 year old to stay alone.

Should've gone to Specsavers, maddyone!

I think it was fine; they probably liked the responsibility.

The only problem might have been if they squabbled but I'm sure your DGC wouldn't do that, Cabbie21

I think the plan of action was correct given the circumstances.

The gc are definitely old enough to stay by themselves.

I think you should also adjust your expectations - didnt your own kids grow up and started spreading their wings?
Why not your gc doing the same?

A 17 year old is quite capable of been left alone in a house. A few months and she could be living 200 miles from home at university.

I left DD overnight at 16 and did not think twice about it.

One of the problems universities have is freshers arriving completely wet behind the ears and unable to do anything on their own because their parents have been too scared to let their children gain any independence or responsibility, and then metaphorically throw them in a river and expect them to swim.

I would not bat an eyelid at this. Where I live it is not uncommon for kids to live alone in student accommodation from age 15-16 to do a particular upper secondary/A-level course

Thanks Aggie and Maddyone for the apologies. Appreciated.

I suppose parents know how mature or not their teenagers are and make decisions accordingly. However, I remember when I was about 15, my parents set off in the car to do some shopping, but turned round and came back when they passed my boyfriend cycling towards my house. We had planned a bike ride, in all innocence, not knowing the parents were going to be out, but they made me get in the car with them. It was so humiliating.
On the other hand, in some circles, we knew that if word got out that certain parents were going to be away, that house would be invaded by friends and the place would be trashed.

Cabbie21 I apologise for my remarks . I hope the little boy is ok now ,
I am sure the Father must have been worried .
It was probably the best solution for the girls ,

Easy to do maddy

I married at 16 and was quite capable of running a home by then. I do not see what the problem was ????

I apologised too.

Thanks Peasblossom.

Easily done. ?

I have already stated that I misread the OP and mistook 17 for 12. I made a mistake. I know it’s not illegal for a 17 year old to stay alone.

I think it depends n the child, our eldest two would have had parties and caused mayhem.
The youngest at 16 and stayed home alone for 5 nights while we were away.
Everything was fine except he hadn’t watered the garden.

I happily left my sixteen year old on her own over night, sometimes with her younger brother, sometimes not. It’s definitely not illegal.