Am I really doing too much ?

Hi N! Just wondering if you're putting this out here because you actually have doubts yourself? I would let your body, mind and heart make the decision without listening to anyone else. Oh sure, their intervention can prompt thoughts but, at the end of the day, how you feel and what you can manage\enjoy is the deciding factor. Listen to those who offer advice, by all means, but consider their motivation and discard at will! Aren't GC wonderful?! Good luck!

I used to do 3 days a week until the pandemic. Only needed occasionally now they’re all at school and their parents are mainly working from home. Do it if you want to. You will know in your heart when the time comes to stop. Don’t listen to other people’s comments which may be unhelpful. You won’t get this time with your GC back and they grow up so fast. My oldest GC is 13. We have such a good relationship because we bonded when I spent 1 day a week with her until she started primary school.

Thank you Thoro
Very wise advice which I will take onboard

Thanks greenfinch
Yes I have been thinking about the jealousy aspect

Thank you 3dognight for your encouraging words
That’s just what I need

I collect my twin granddaughters from school twice a week and take them to after school activities. DD is a full time working single parent and although DH is not a well man I have his full support. I love seeing them and will continue as long as possible.

As it gives you great joy just make the most of the time you have with them. Eventually you may need to have different arrangements but your mental well-being is very important for everyone. Who knows what the future holds? We only have now.

Do you think you are doing too much? Are you having some sort of guilt feelings about not giving your husband enough time on the days you have the children?

If you are enjoying looking after those children, and enjoy the feeling of being needed, then that is really all that matters. Surely, when you take them out for a walk when they are with you is also the ideal time for dog to have his walk.

Many years ago, when there were seven children at home, and my hubbie became disabled, I also took on a volunteer role as an administator (most of the work done from home). My husband really hated me doing this, did everything possible to make it as difficult as possible.

For me it was totally important - as with that I became someone in my own right - not just as someone's Mum or Carer. Would often do most of the work late at night. But I persevered, and some years later, that volunteer role gave me the CV to get a wonderful job, after hubbie decided to leave the family home.

Not justaprettyface Are you happy doing what you are doing? Nobody else matters really. you say your husband is partially disabled/ does that mean even if you did less you wouldn't really be doing more things together? So what would you do? What else would you be doing? You do what makes you happy. Remember they will soon be at school and it will all change for you anyway. I say enjoy this while you can.

Grandmabatty

Are they your son's children? Is he worried that it's all too much for you? I wouldn't let what other people say influence your decision necessarily, but maybe they see something you don't.

I think children sometimes see older parents as they were years ago, especially they see them every day or every week. I know it was only when my mum seemed in moving from her armchair, I realised how 'old' she'd become.

As Thoro says you don’t have to have a supportive partner, my husband is not my DGSons biological grandpa, and he is just a complete petrolhead no interest in even his sons children.

I , looking back now, realise what lovely simple times they were, so happy at the excitement of a picnic in the middle of a field or near swings.

Teenagers now. Glued to their iPads!

Go Girl, you can do it

I look after my son’s 12 month old twin babes two days a week and their 4 year old for one day a week (have been since the 4 year old was a year and the twins 9 months). All boys
I’ve got 3 dogs and look after son’s 2 dogs on the 2 days I don’t have the children!
My husband (not my son’s father)has vascular dementia and I’m 71.
I do sometimes think I’m doing too much but think I’m able to be more positive with my husband (who does like the kids) as I have other things to do.
The relationship I’ve got with my grandchildren is amazing and as others have said they grow up so quickly.
I would decide what you feel is best for you rather than what other people think.

By the way - it is up to you, not wider family who are chipping in with their opinions!

If they bring you joy and you love doing it, then do it. There will come a time when you will need to be totally absorbed in your OH's care and you need to take delight in the GC while you can. I have been in precisely this situation and never regret the time I was able to spend with the GC.

I would be putting my husband much higher up the list, to spend time enjoying each others company as a couple, while you can.

Your daughters children, she should not be asking you, especially with an ailing older husband. You, your husband and your dog, that is enough

If the children bring you joy as you say then I think you really know what you want to do which is carry on as you are now. They are young for such a short time and these baby years are precious. The loads of people that you mention could they just be a little bit jealous? People are very good at giving uncalled for advice. You are after all quite young.

I would say if they bring you so much joy, then carry on. It won’t be long before nursery or school is going to change things.

I was in a similar situation with two young pointers, very active dogs, the dogs learnt to walk quietly at the side of a double buggy with the aid of treats to begin with.

I always made a picnic of some sort, and whatever the weather, with the little ones well wrapped up, we would go out for a couple of hours, always ending up somewhere where the dogs could have a run and a play with a ball.

It worked very well for me, tired happy children and dogs, what’s not to like

Thank you redhead 56
My husband isn’t well so yes it plays a part in his lack of involvement

Hello greenfinch
I am 63

No grandma batty they are my daughters children

Perhaps others are seeing what you are not; that you are tired or overwhelmed.

Take some time to really think over the situation. If your GC bring joy to your routine, perhaps find a dog walker, or some sort of help with your husband. Maybe a housekeeper one day a week while you go out for a nice walk with the dog. There may be other options.

You don't necessarily have to give up the child minding if you enjoy it. Good luck, and I do hope you find a balance.

Do what you think you can do

If you can physically manage carry on but don't be stubborn admit its too much when it actually is.
Your husband isn't into kids that much is it because he is unwell and has no patience because of his disability.
I think the grandchildren bring you joy as you say so keep doing what you are doing for the time being.

It depends how old you are yourself. I looked after my twin grandchildren full time when I was 60 (DH helped but was still working full time). My son’s 4 children are aged between 2 and 8 and no way could I do the same for them now that I am in my mid seventies. Fortunately it has never been necessary.

How do you feel about it, is the point IMO.
If you’re entirely happy with it, fine.
If you find it exhausting, that’s another matter. Personally I’d find two of that age very tiring, even for one day a week, but then I’m probably older than you.

I used to do one day a week with the first, but when the 2nd arrived only 15 months later, it was going to be too much. Also, it’d be that much harder for dd to find alternative care for two, if I couldn’t come because of illness or injury.

We offered to help with childcare costs instead, but I do realise that this won’t be an option for everybody.