Paid for caring for grandchildren

Bad move to tell your granddaughter that you would not tell your daughter in future as it would get her into trouble.

Because of this your daughter probably cannot fully trust you now.

I think your relationship will be better when you are not doing childcare but can just be a grandparent.

Well, it would of course have been better had you not said that to your GD and I can understand your D being annoyed but to then stop your GC having tea at your house once a week for 5 weeks is IMO, unacceptable and childish.

Presumably, you continued to provide child care so I don't think that your D not being able to trust you fully now is the reason.

Far better to have discussed the issue then your D could explain why she felt her D was lying; do you know why she thought so? Seems a very odd reaction. You could then have explained why you said what you did to your GD and have apologised for doing so.

Perhaps if you gave your D 3 months notice now that may help her to realise that replacing you may not be as easy and advantageous as she thinks. She may take months before giving you 3 months notice, or even longer, leaving you in limbo.

As for whether or not you'll have a better relationship when you're no longer looking after your GC, only time will tell but I understand why you're doubtful; I would be too. By the way, have you been paid?

apologies,I see in the thread title you are being paid.

I can’t quite work out why you would tell your granddaughter to lie by omission to her mother?

Has this been an issue before- your daughter not wanting certain topics discussed, and then discussed anyway? Is what why GD was accused of lying? I assume your daughter thought she heard it from you?

As you are being paid to child mind, I think the idea of three months notice is fair. She obviously doesn’t trust you right now, so I understand why she wouldn’t want extra time spent.

Apologise to your daughter and grand daughter. You were in the wrong.

Hopefully after a sincere apology and some time, you will have a better relationship.

I got the impression it's because the OP was taken aback by her D accusing her GD of lying Summerlove which I think was a strange response; reassurance being more appropriate.

If the OP's D thought the OP had told her GD about the war, why didn't she just ask? I agree that a 3 month notice period is fair and in the OP's position would be giving that to my D.

OP gave up paid employment for child care provision and may be wanting to resume paid employment outside of the family again.

Trust is broken with your dd - justifiably

Your dd is also right having a better relationship when you are not her employee

I don’t even understand what the issue was in the first instance ?
Does the daughter think OP told the granddaughter about the war ? If not what does it matter where she heard about it.

I've apologised on three occasions now. My GD said my SL had been watching the news in her presence.DD always questions her DD looking for negative when ever she goes anywhere with different sets of GP.

Seems like a lot of unnecessary drama.

Lucca

Seems like a lot of unnecessary drama.

Especially since the problem in the first instance was about the terrible war in Ukraine.

What a very sad situation. I would advise trying to have a sit down talk with your daughter but somewhere neutral, like a cafe or go for a meal. I don't know if Ive read it wrong but seemed to be an awful lot of crossed wires to my mind.

I too am unclear what the issue is/ was.
DGD heard about the war at school, was upset by the news, you comforted her & told her mum, your DD. DD then thinks it was with you, not school, where the war was discussed & accused child, but not you, of lying?? That seems strange in itself.
You then made a wrong move and suggested to DGD that you could conspire to keep conversations between you & DGD & exclude mum! Trust has gone out of the window!
No idea why this post is about being paid to care for your grandchildren!

Because granny is the paid childminder for her grandchildren.

She gave up her job to take it on.

I’m a bit confused. Did your granddaughter talk about the war in Ukraine, and then was told off for lying by your daughter? Did your daughter somehow not know about it? Why did you need to tell your daughter you believed your granddaughter? It was all over the news. If the school knew about by this time...then it was major news for all of us.

It does seem a very odd reaction from your daughter. In fact the whole scenario seems odd. It sounds like you’d be best letting everything settle down. I would think your granddaughter will be asking to see you more, since you’ve had so much input in hers and siblings lives.

Gagajo but the issue of payment appears unconnected to the main problem... other than now DD has announced a reasonable 3 month notice period following the disagreement!

Poor little child, as you said your DD always questions her daughter looking for negatives when she goes to different sets of grandparents! Has she got trust issues! Such a lot of drama! And you have given up your job to look after her children over the years, so she’s going to look for childcare elsewhere! Well maybe that’s for the best then kwill! Shame it’s come to this

Maybe for the best for you if it’s going to cause so much drama! Shame though you will miss your GD won’t you and obviously won’t be seeing her as much!

Kwill

I've apologised on three occasions now. My GD said my SL had been watching the news in her presence.DD always questions her DD looking for negative when ever she goes anywhere with different sets of GP.

So your GD did lie then? She heard about it at home not at school?