Feeling used

Have you asked why? What other family members??

I don't understand why this means she doesn't trust you? She just doesn't want her daughter away for a few nights, maybe that is because of how she felt when other family members did it.

Please dont hold this idea of being used to save money etc... You got lots of quality time with your grandchild, isn't that a good thing? Don't tarnish it

How old are you? There’s a big difference between looking after a child in your or their home during the day and taking them on holiday (what sort of holiday, how far away?) and being responsible for them 24/7.

Violetsky is right, maybe it is just that she doesn't want her away for a few nights. I would let it go and suggest a sleepover at yours in the future? or could you ask her if she wanted to go with you too?

I would not let you take her away overnight either....when a child wakes in the night it's mummy they want not nanny!

Yes, you are overthinking

She does trust you, you have her child for 2.5 days per week!

Please do not attach strings to babysitting.

I practically brought up my 2 older grandchildren, along with the other grandparents 2:3 - none of us have ever taken them away on holiday….for a day trip , yes, and sleepovers, but nothing more than that. I would not have wanted that responsibility.
And to answer your question, yes, you are over reacting.

lemsip

I would not let you take her away overnight either....when a child wakes in the night it's mummy they want not nanny!

Hahaha, not with my DGS. It's Gaga every time.

That made me smile Gagajo. How lucky you are.

JaneJudge

Violetsky is right, maybe it is just that she doesn't want her away for a few nights. I would let it go and suggest a sleepover at yours in the future? or could you ask her if she wanted to go with you too?

But she lets other family members take her away.

Germanshepherdsmum

How old are you? There’s a big difference between looking after a child in your or their home during the day and taking them on holiday (what sort of holiday, how far away?) and being responsible for them 24/7.

Absolutely hear, hear.

lemsip

I would not let you take her away overnight either....when a child wakes in the night it's mummy they want not nanny!

When mine stay over with me sometimes for three nights they are fine, and if they wake they’re happy with granny, thanks.

The problem with 'exes' is that you tend not to know as much about them, their lives and thoughts as you do immediate members of your family. She may be juggling other people's expectations, and she may think 'well nanny Arwen sees LO a lot, others need to have time with her'. She may even think 'thank goodness nanny Arwen doesn't pile on the pressure like my mum / sister / nan'!!
I would at the moment, just be glad of the time you do have, and let things take their course.
I hope that coming on here to 'vent' helps!

I look after my granddaughter for one day a week, have done from the get go. Also sleepovers approx once a month and we take her away for 3-4 nights once a year for a caravan holiday which everyone concerned is more than happy with. I understand that parents might not want their child away overnight and it’s their call of course but if others are allowed to do it I would question why I wouldn’t be, and be quite hurt.

My granddaughter is six and she has stayed at my house lots, but always with one or both parents. I have looked after her overnight, on my own at her house from when she was a baby. In fact I’m looking after her next week while her parents go away for a few nights.

We don’t know about the other family members who take her. They may be couples and younger than OP. If she doesn’t tell us we can only guess.

lemsip

I would not let you take her away overnight either....when a child wakes in the night it's mummy they want not nanny!

Well your GC may want their Mum and not you....but not the same for all GC ....I've taken mine away lots of times....also lots of sleepovers....they never cry for Mummy

There is nothing exceptional about what this child's mother is doing. My children spent occasional nights with their grandparents from birth, but never stayed for more than one night until they were 7 or 8. It was much the same with my grandchildren, they live a distance away, but didn't spend even one night alone with us until they were at least 6. Our grandson, would not sleep anywhere without a parent, not even sleepovers with friends until he was 9.

Looking after a child a couple of days a week, is very different from taking them away on holiday for several days and you say nothing about your age or general health and whether there will be a second adult with you. An older person away with a young child could be taken ill, or have some event take place they have difficulty dealing with. If there is a second adult present, a partner or friend, rather than a blood grandfather, the parents may have concerns, even if these are baseless. I think you are really being rather unreasonable to assume that because you are not allowed to take a 2 year old away for a few days that the day care you give your grandchild is exploititive.

You also write of 'son x girlfriend'. I deduce that they live together. Most people would speak of son and partner, using girlfriend if he is in a long-term relationship sounds very grudging, as if you resent the partnership.

Grandparents, especially grandmothers, who care for grandchildren, need to constantly remind themselves that they are not the child's parents, and they need to leave a proper emotional distance between being a parent or grandparent.

Children and grandparents, can be suddenly separated from each other for all kinds of reasons, including moving away for work, grandparents suddenly being too ill to care.

MOnica, I think it is the son’s ex-girlfriend. I agree that the other family members who took them away may have been younger and/or have other children in the party. I know my youngest grandson idolises his cousin, and would go anywhere if he was there!

( And, much as I love them all, I’d hate to take them on holiday!)

We had the Oopsies to stay with us from birth, sometimes without their parents, but we never took them away on a holiday.
Why would you? Easier to look after tots at home rather than traumatise everyone by going to a new place.

If we went on holiday we all went together, parents included.

We quite often go away with our families and their children, my husband and I always stay away from them in a hotel, we have a really nice time during the day, and escape at night.
I don’t think I would want to take them on holiday.

She's not comfortable with me doing that even though other family members on this side have. It looks from some of the responses Arwen as if this, IMO rather important point, has been over looked.

It's understandable that you feel you are being used to provide free child care, when your request to take your GC away for a few days is denied, despite other family members being able to do so. Try not to let this, or the thought that you'll see a lot less of her when she starts school, spoil your time with her now.

You're fortunate that you see her on such a regular basis as sadly, some GP's lose all contact with their GC when their parents relationship breaks down.

Could it be that your GC's mother simply feels that you spend enough time together without you taking her away? Have you asked her why? What does your son think?

Why do you deduce that the OP's son and ex partner are living together M0nica? She may have more than one AC and the new GC will be their's.

I don't agree that there's anything grudging in the OP referring to the child's mother as her son's x girlfriend, she's simply clarifying the relationship. I don't know about most people but in my experience it's 50/50 as to whether the parents of an AC in a long term relationship refer to the their girlfriend/boyfriend or partner.

You are entitled to your own feelings and the fact that you question their validity may help you process them x

nadateturbe

That made me smile Gagajo. How lucky you are.

I remind myself of that constantly, when my house is a constant mess and I never get any peace either noise wise or of mind. I know really nadateturbe. Just have to see the bigger picture.

As for staying overnight with granny, we did this from a very young age with both grandparents. As long as the relationship with the child is close enough, it isn't a problem at all.