Overnight sleeps

Thank you, thank you! Just what I needed! That really helped!!

NotThatG, it sounds like you are doing all you can, and have looked after them once a week for years. I'm sure they already have a bond with you. Carry on visiting and maybe call or video call during the week to see how school is going.

Don't fret about other grandparents seeing more of them. It happens in just about every family, and children form bonds because they love you, not because you see them the most.

Hi, I am a 63 year old grandma of 3. Two boy's and a girl. My granddaughter lives in another state.
I have been watching my grandsons once a week for about 8 years. Always driving to them. Thirteen miles each way. About six hours or more.
I've raised 3 son's. I started at 19. My children's father became an addict. He has since passed away from his addictions.. Living with 17 years of his drug addiction and raising my boy's, I think I've got a bit of trauma from those day's.
Now that both grandsons are starting school in the fall, I am no longer obligated to watch them once a week. This was a perfect way for me to see them and bond with them. I adore them.
I'm realizing I'm happy with spending a day with them or a few hours. I'm not however into having them spend the night. They're maternal grandmother and grandfather have them over often. Which leaves me with a lot of guilt. Am I supposed to do that too? It's awkward for me. Also I lost my mother at age 13. So I missed out on being raised by a loving mother.
Now the only time I will see them is if I go there or ask for them. My husband is disabled and has chronic pain. He doesn't have a lot of patience with them.
How do I stop this guilt and jealousy I feel for the other grandparents? Being the mother of son's is different. My son doesn't bring the kids over to just visit.
Anyway, I don't know what I'm looking for. It's like I don't know how to be a grandparent. It's odd. I don't know how to explain it. And when I do see them they want to spend the night. What am I so fearful of? They have spent the night..it always goes well. But it wipes me out physically and emotionally. They're 5 and 8. The parents limit screen time. I feel like I have to keep them busy all the time. I get anxious.
I just don't want to feel guilty over the way I want to grandparent. At the same time when I see how close they are to the other grandparents it bothers me. But what do I expect?! Help!

Hithere

A mother cosleeping with her baby is very different than any other person

Hithere...
Not sure if you read it correctly, or I may have but, I don't co-sleep with my GS. I successfully get him into his bassinet when I have him.
He sleeps between his parents... that makes me nervous..

Please do not generalize that parents now do

We have had plenty of grandparents here asking why parents do not allow sleep overs when their gc are that young

There are entitled people in all generations

I agree totally, I would never of dreamt of my 3mth old staying overnight with Grandparents, its the parents responsibility, the generation bringing up children now seem to think they are still entitled to nights out like when they were childless, duh! you have a child and your responsible for it.

Indeed, it is different. It's a bad idea for all concerned.

A mother cosleeping with her baby is very different than any other person

Holy cow! Dr Sears has a lot to answer for as he advised millions of young mothers that co-sleeping was a good thing. When our oldest grandchild was born, we started keeping her overnight at 6 weeks. We absolutely loved it and continued it for many years. Baby should be with whomever in the family can handle their bedtime, and doesn't get up in the morning exhausted and a nervous wreck. My granddaughter was very colicky and we felt like our daughter and sil really needed a break once in awhile.

Thank you all for your comments.. I'm 47 so, I still have the energy so far.. the parents are still children themselves and I believe that is the reason behind their parenting choices. Love having him when he's cute and cuddly but, don't want to do the hard work.. only today the DIL has no issue sleeping in until 10:30am as her Mum was there to watch my GS.

sleeping in the same bed, or on a sofa/chair with a baby is considered dangerous or at least risky by many experts.
there are deaths and injuries caused by this practice. as you all know, i'm sure.
cafemom.com/parenting/221714-mom-warns-parents-co-sleep/313393-i_thought_i_was_doing_the_right_thing_for_my_baby_i_was_reassured_by_multiple_moms_in_mom_groups_that_it_was_safe

I too have had my grandchildren sleepover every friday nights and holiday times since toddlers.....varied ages so not all at once thankfully!
........still think 3 month would be too young for me.....

two things in my life ...my sister's baby girl died of acute leukemia at 3 months old back in the 1950s........

A friend had her daughter and beby to stay for a weekend and the baby died of cot death.....

these things may well colour my thoughts. for no other reason

I can’t believe some of the comments on here, including someone saying it is dangerous! My late husband and I had my first GD from very early and remember once rushing to their house at midnight to collect her as she was sleepless and the parents had work in the morning. It’s been a pleasure and privilege to care for my GC (neither stays often now sadly due to being very bad sleepers, mum won’t inflict it on me anymore). We had no help at all when mine were young, I’m so glad I can help my own children. Grandchildren are wonderful, tiring of course, but they and their parents live in a very different world to the one mine grew up in. I didn’t work until they were 8 & 11 and that was quite normal.

It’s lovely to be involved with your grandchild. I noticed the comment about DIL’s mother being there all the time, is your son and maybe DIL trying to not let her dominate and allow you some time with your grandchild without her being around. Embrace it and enjoy your time with the baby. I first babysat my grandson when he was ten days old. By three months babies are quite robust and can be away from parents.

Looked after my grandson when he was seven months when his parents went away for a few days, he was fine. When DGD1 arrived I used to look after them in their own home as we only have a small house. My exes mother loved having my children to stay. I think it's good for children ti experience different people looking after them.

How wonderful to know they trust you with their precious child. It's a lovely thing to be able to do and if it helps them out then why not.
I was lucky enough to do the very same and treasure the memories.

If someone offered to have my son overnight after two and a half years of never sleeping for more than two hours at a time - I’d most certainly take them up on it.

Embrace it. I love having my granddaughter overnight and have done on occasion since she was 4 months old. It’s exhausting but worth it and you can rest up the next day.
Ignore your partner it’s your family. Nothing to do with him especially as he sleeps through any disturbance. Maybe he is jealous.

I looked after both my grandchildren overnight from about 3/4 months old. Loved it.

Personally I (we) wouldn't do it. Not because I think a baby that age should be with its parents, but simply because we hate our sleep being disturbed! We have never had any of our GC stay overnight without their parents and we don't babysit either unless it's an emergency. We've done our parenting, we're not starting again now.

Who determines what age a baby should be left with Grandparents? Surely it should be the parents, not the grans on GN!
If you want to look after your grandchild and your partner is happy, go for it. If your partner is unhappy then that is where you need to make the compromise.

I’ve been astonished by how much help of this sort my younger friends with babies have received from grandparents! I don’t know how old you are, but my energy levels have become very unreliable over the last few years, and I don’t know if I’d have the stamina to look after small children regularly. So any arrangement like that would have to be understood by the child’s parents to be very flexible from my side.

Sorry setting a bad example to who?

All mine have stayed over with me, sometimes a week or more at a time in holidays . I stick to the same routine, and if they staying with you regularly it becomes part of their routine. All my grandkids are well adjusted and very close to me.
I think having grand parents involved can offer a calm well balanced upbringing. My kids would get stressed with their kids I don’t.
In the end of the day, it’s up to you and the parents and no one else business. if you think you can cope go for it. I still enjoyed every moment of it.

I had one of my grandchildren stay overnight since he was about 6 weeks old, due to parents work patterns.
The other two have been staying since they were about 3 months old.

Why on Earth shouldn’t they ?

They love coming to grandma’s and so they should ☺️

JaydeeTas

My partner is the main one. He firmly believes they should not be asking me to do this. I thought he was put out by it as he still wakes for a night feed but we have a spare room he is not interrupted.

There is no routine had my Sons house. In a previous thread I spoke about how they just live their lives and my GS just needs to fit in.

Your 'partner' can be 'unpartnered. Your family on the other hand is your family. I wouldn't let this 'partner' continue in his role as my 'partner'. He is not a good 'partner'.