No one is helping me

Biglouis brilliant. Taking notes too!

My best friend (sadly no longer alive), would always drop any other arrangement if any of her eight AC called her for any assistance.

Because of this she could not make friends with other people, as she would just cancel arrangements on the day.

She never said NO to her children - and the upshot was that none of them actually respected her. The language that some of them used to and at her was horrifying. Her eldest lad actually apologised to ME when I was with her during one of his outbursts. They just expected her to be at their beck and call all of the time.

I loved bringing up my children, but once they had left home and started their own lives, with or without partners I felt time had come for me to live my own life again. Did the occasional babysit for them, just one I had more involvement as she lived close by, and was a single mum. So did have set arrangements when baby/child was with me.

So, the OP needs to lay down the rules and stick by them. Join hubbie at holiday home. Give plenty of notice that other child-minding arrangements have to be made.

you have basically been cornered into becoming unpaid staff for all these people, husband, his children, now GC.
i bet he didn't do much childcare of his own children either; why bother when he'd got live-in cook, housekeeper, cleaner, nanny, business administrator.
sorry to be harsh, but this kind of thing annoys me.
it's nearly always a woman who gets cornered like this.
why is your life of less value than theirs. you've probably got less living time than them, yet it is being gobbled up by their demands, to make their life easier, and you are left exhausted.
when is it your time, to do as you like, to relax, to live. at what stage ? when you are so worn out to be of no more use? and have no energy left for you.
just. say. no.

I worked from home for many years, and you need to behave as if you worked elsewhere. Just tell them: these are my work hours, and apart from serious emergencies, I am not available for childcare, socialising, running errands or anything else.

Put a message on your phone saying the same, and don’t answer it during work hours - that would be your personal phone, as I assume you have a separate phone for work. If you don’t, get one.

Same with the door: keep it locked, and don’t answer when you’re working.

Have the grandchildren ready for collection, and when the adults arrive just hand them over with a cheerful ‘I’m going to work now, so you can’t come in. How about coming for an hour on Saturday?’ and then close the door.

you have been a wonderful stepmother to those girls and I'm quite sure they love you as if born to you! you need to talk to them and say you need a break sometimes.

Be strong!
I know you said you "feel like they have no one else" but they are grown up enough to have their own families now and they DO have each other!
Good luck.

THANK YOU ALL ! I have read and absorbed all of your comments and I SO appreciate them. I was beginning to feel like I was crazy and "selfish" for being so annoyed all the time.
I've got to put my foot down with all these people. It will be hard for me because I'm usually too nice. But I have to start somewhere ! Thanks again friends !

Biglouis .... I love it !! Hahahahahaha ! Yes, the phone is my "ball and chain" ... LOL

It is of no significance whether the children are step children or your biologic children,- the fact is you are doing too much childcare. You must make a stand and tell the parents how you feel and make it clear how much you are prepared to do - or dispense with childcare altogether. It is becoming increasingly evident the parents rely too much on Grandparents for childcare. Of course we help, I do , but definitely on my terms !!!!

I think you need to really tough this out a bit.
It's all very well you covering someone else's day at work by essentially "giving up" your working day.
Maybe you need to "trade" your time - I'll do this on Thursday afternoon if you cook dinner as I need to catch up?
A little more tough love will make them more resilient in the long run.
?
Also, take a break (and your laptop) and go work from your other house for a bit!!

“I don’t want to be rude or anything but could you all bog off (or American equivalent!) now as I’m exhausted and need some space”.

"I'll have to go and get the paperwork done after this coffee but please feel free to stay on if you want."

As a starter.

Or the previous suggestion of letting them know which days or times you are/are not available.

It does sound that they enjoy the social aspect of being with you which is nice. Can you maybe start tidying when they come and they might help or take a hint ? Lots of people seem to have issues with steps so it's lovely to hear that you don't though your DH should be there to help as well at least some of the time. Where is PA and NC?

You need some boundaries asap.

I would start by deciding hours or days you cannot do and go from there.

Dear everyone, i love spending time with you and the grandchildren but i am getting increasingly tired and need some space to get things I want/need done. I will be busy in the office during these hours and spending a quiet day on this day so that i have more energy to enjoy my time with the you all and the grandchildren. Thank you for understanding

Biglouis I like your style. I’m taking notes ?

Ive made an art form out of being "difficult to contact" for most of my life. I did it with employers, landlords, relatives and neighbours.

I dont own or use a smart phone. Phones can be "left in the other room", "charging up", "out of power" or just "forgotten". I do a lot of (imaginary) trips to visit (imaginary) relatives when I dont take my phone or my computer. I am also selectively deaf, short sighted or a bit scatty.

One of the great things about being older. You can get off with all this.

People will gradually stop trying.

I'm afraid your husband is getting away with what he can and his daughters sound just the same. When he goes away go with him if he comes back come back to. If he says the two of you need to be in two places tell him you are not up to it any more and he needs a third person to help.
Until you say no ,none of them will consider or respect what you are putting up with.

He doesn't want to help raise his own grandchildren but expects you to, and spends a third of the year living somewhere else? No way would I put up with that. Harden your heart a bit and go and live in the second home! You're being used.

My husband spends a total of about 4 months of the year in PA. Mostly in the summer. I used to go with him until the kids started needing me more and I feel like they have no one else.
Their mother literally left the state when they were very young and I raised them. Now, I'm the "go to" parent even though I'm not their biological mother. My husband has made it clear that he "wont raise" grandkids. So he does whatever he wants whenever he wants. I just don't have the heart to leave them all with no help... but now I feel overwhelmed because there are so many of them !

With 5 grandkids, there always seems to be some "emergency"... someone gets called into work... one of them is sick and kicked out of daycare (9 month old and one year old). Their bio grandmother lives (conveniently) an hour and a half away, so she's never in the picture.. too busy with hair, nails and makeup.
I'm honestly on the verge of divorce and move scenario... But I'm such an easy going person, I know I'll never actually do it. I just never dreamed I would be in this situation since I never had kids of my own.. and I thought that three girls would be closer to their bio mother. I know I'm just whining now... LOL... but I have NO ONE else to talk to .

Could you take the children back to them rather than them picking them up. You could just drop them off quickly and say, ' Need to go now, I have work to catch up on'.

Sadly, it is time to say no.

Just because they can see you, doesnt mean you are available.

May I ask how often you and your dh are states apart?

Thanks "Hithere" ! The problem is , the one that I always have her kids, lives right up the hill from my house. She can literally see my house. I feel like the only way I can get any peace is to LEAVE my home. But my office is in my home, so I'm stuck ! They always think I'm "available" if I'm home which I'm always home. I live in NC and our second home is in PA.
My husband grew up in PA so he loves it there,, me..not so much. It's all getting so overwhelming and I'm unhappy MOST of the time. Something has to change.

For your own health and sanity I think you need to be straight with them.
"I love seeing you all and the children but I do need time to myself to catch up on things so if you can just pick them up and leave by 5 it would help me enormously"
Good luck.

"So good of you to visit, I have an appointment at 1pm so let's have a quick chat"

" please call next time, I am afraid I have another engagement right now.

Your father is in X location if you want to join him "