Am I being over sensitive

I think going with the flow is all you can or should do Nannyto, it’s really hard when things seem to change without apparent reason. My conversations with DS are infrequent I guess but I don’t read anything into that because I know he is always very busy, the DGCs are here there and everywhere and DDIL and he have little spare time.
I do know however that if I needed him or he needed me then each would be responsive and available. Surely that’s what matters?
My dd I speak to probably less but the same applies.
They have they own lives and I am content that this is how it is. In my case ddil’s parents are in another country so it’s a different situation.
? for you.

Thank you all for taking the time to reply to me xx I am now just going to go with the flow and just accepting the situation as it is. I’ve recently managed to have a chat with my son and managed to not sound “needy” - I hope ? he is very busy and working hard to keep his little family happy ? which is great - I just wish I had been more prepared for being paternal nan and then I think I would have been a lot happier over the last few months - I will be more prepared if there is a next time ?? thanks again for reading xx

What a lovely post smoothie.

Oh Nannyto, I’m so sorry for your heartache. Read this as if it’s from a good friend of yours, as that is how I have written it.

It’s easy for me to suggest but for you to put it into practice will be hard and sad but I suppose all that can be done is wait it out for a while, act like everything is fine though - don’t let him see that you are cut up about this. The only reason I say that is because sometimes people will run further away from us when we show them our pain. Now if he saw a Nannyto that was in good spirits despite what secretly is painful for you, he just might think something like “oh wow I wonder what she has been up to? She seems busy lately” and he’ll want to catch up with you. Now if you have a hard time putting up a charade that the waters all fine then sure, I’d ask him what’s up, probably best to do that at a time when it’s just you and him though, without the baby. Something along the lines of “son, just a moment. Let me ask you something, but you have to meet me at my level, human to human, mother to her grown son…are you alright? You’re a new father and juggling many roles, but our relationship is so so far from what it was I can’t help but wonder what has happened? Please talk to me about this.”

And then it’s important to accept whatever answer he provides as the truth of the matter. If he says he has no idea what you mean, then he hasn’t noticed that things are different, and he doesn’t have any hard feelings towards you, he is just being thick and hasn’t had the capacity to notice. If he says that things are tough lately, then he is just very busy and this is temporary so wait it out. If there is actually a problem then thank him for telling you and do what you can to work on the issue.

Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself.

I have two sons and they are both a bit hit and miss about regular contact, but when they pop by or ring they talk and talk and talk! Your son knows you are there, you don’t mean any less to him and he will come back to you when things aren’t quite so busy. Just go with the flow for now.

Maybe your over thinking it like you said it’s only two months since they moved in so will still be decorating unpacking etc plus I’m guessing working too. You must see them when you picking up baby unless baby crawling on it’s own lol. My sons were both like your son unfortunately as time goes on I get messages and calls off older one but my youngest I’m always saying to him don’t forget you got a mum lol and I always get same off him sorry mum not forget you but just being busy. I understand how you feel. I’ve always had super close bond with them both but since got wife’s and kids as mum you drop down the queue.

my son is the same sometimes, but it is not because he does not love or care for me, he has a busy life with work and a 3 year old, my dil messages me a few times a week on facebook to make sure i am okay, they try to see me every couple of weeks and i have just come back from a holiday with them, we had a few chats and i told him that i understand that he has a family and a life that can't always include me and i am fine with that, i know that he and my dil are always at the end of the phone if i need anything. text your son and ask if he has time for a coffee and a chat but please don't come across as too needy, do you have friends or hobbies that you enjoy, i was sad and glad when my son became an adult, this meant there was time for me. good luck and try not to worry.

Please don't fret about this, it seems pretty normal to me. Don't think my son would ever ask me over for coffee and he doesn't have children to consider. Clearly you are feeling very upset about this and I hope to you are feeling a bit better after reading the posts on GN. You have to our darling grandchild one day each week , enjoy that. I understand how your DIL will lean towards her parents , very hard for you - I understand that. You might consider speaking to your son , but if you do take great care not to appear too needy! It might be the best plan to leave well alone and enjoy your GC when he is with you. Good luck and try not to think too much about this.

nannytoo I think it’s very normal that you are feeling sad and maybe it’s normal for your son to be very busy and less available now they have their own home I feel for you as you aren’t really asking a lot Have they become worried about funds now they have a home? Or is your son working extra hours maybe I think it often seems to happen that sons veer to their in laws ( perhaps to keep their wives happy)
I just carry on looking after the delightful little chap taking him to your parents when you can and accept that things have changed there’s really nothing else you can do
My son moved to be with his wife ….and her family is round the corner in NZ I m 11000 miles away ?
Keep smiling I m sure it’s normal

Sorry to hear this. Unfortunately this often happens when they get their own children.
My first ever post on here was about this. Me and my daughter used to do everything together and when our granddaughter came along, it was the three of us. Suddenly it stopped. I was shocked and upset. I do t know what happened relay. I did ask her but she said she had no idea what I was talking about. I hope you can get this sorted out.

I think you are overreacting

You still see your gc once a week - that's an amazing thing

Relationships with sons and daughters are not static, they change overtime - your son and you seem to have different expectations

As for your son not visiting your parents- I would stop mentioning that.
As an adult, he makes his own decisions.

I dont think you should take it personally either

And definitely dont compare yourself to the other grandparents!

Your son is focussed on other things for now, thats all

Why don't you invite DS DIL and DGS to yours for tea on a weekend, assuming they don't work weekends of course. Having contact with them doesn't mean that it has to be at their home surely and maybe having time away from their house would be a pleasant event.

If the situation doesn't improve, and you have given no indication as to how long this has been going on for, why not ask DS and DIL directly if you've done something to offend or upset them? Explain how this situation is making you feel, they might not be aware that anything is wrong.

I suppose that the bottom line is that your son is at a very busy time in his life. I'm sure he doesn't mean to seem remote but there it is. I wouldn't expect my DS to want to meet me for coffee or similar. They've just had several major upheavals in their lives with the house move and birth of baby. That's his centre of attention now which is as it should be really. It's hard realising that we gradually get spun out of the centre of things as we and our children grow older. Don't take it personally. It's not personal it's just the stage in life your son and you yourself are in.

Must be very unsettling for you but if it was my son I would just ask him why ?