My place or your place?

My first grandchild is also 6 months. He has never visited my home. They're comfortable with him at their home and that’s fine with me. It’s not something to get worked up about. I am careful to follow their “rules” and not ruffle any feathers. Time will likely take care of the issue.

My wife and I live just a couple of miles from our 4 Gchilden and most of the time they visit us, at the Gchildrens insistence, have a big garden with lots of trees to climb and old fashioned den to play in. But I do agree go by the parents rules

JenniferEccles

Why have one or two posters picked up on Mariana’s expression ‘the child’?
Why bother to point it out?
Does it matter that Mariana said that rather than ‘my grandchild’?

This is what I meant about some unsympathetic comments.

Yes, if the OP had said 'my grandchild' she would have been told that he or she was 'their baby', and not to centre herself in the situation.

There is no winning sometimes.

Well, I appreciate all your support and advice, I really do. Unfortunately things have gone too far. This son was always extremely selfish, but it is the kind of things that one always thinks that your child will outgrow, even as they leave their teenage years and go into adulthood. But I now realise that he will never change as it is not anything circumstantial. He just is someone who is selfish to the point of hurtful. And I am in no position to be hurt. I had a rotten childhood and a tough life which I tried to make the most of and have tried to make it so much easier for my children together with my husband, who is my best friend of many decades. I hope my boy will be happy with his new family and he is very hard-working and dedicated to his career, but obviously he thinks he no longer needs us and so he has sort of dispensed with us. Difficult to face, but it is what it is. Cannot do anything about it other than protect my heart (and the heart of my husband, literally).

Ihave a GC who lives 50 miles away. I visited regularly when she was born, she luved in a lively house and then when she was 5 months old I had her stay with me for 10 days when parents went on holiday. I live in a country area. I did buy a cot anticipating GD would come and stay again and she did. Perhaps your son and gf find it too much bother to organise a visit to you, sone parents are not good at organising. Have patience, stick with visiting, let tgem know you woukd be willing to have GD if they ever wanted a break. You can't make them live how you would like, appreciate the time you do get to visit. 25 miles each way is nothing.

Your language sounds quite harsh to me. Keep referencing - the child, rather than your precious new baby. Enjoy this special fleeting time as much as possible and fall in with their requests. You are blessed to only live 25 miles away.

Your son may be happy just chilling with the new baby at home and not wanting hassle of driving and all that goes with transporting a baby. Maybe do a bit of a nudge that it’s hot, his dad ain’t feeling great re driving, but you’d love to see him. If that doesn’t work, wait a while. It will work out. I hope! ?

Don't underestimate the exhaustion that comes with a new baby, dil working and prob very tired. They have a lot to adjust to and probably don't have the mental energy or space in the relationship to be taking turns visiting extended family, and I assume the dil parents also get to have contact in a similar way. Be happy that they welcome you to visit and be there to help later on would be my thought.

I live 35 miles away (45 minutes driving time) from my son and daughter and their children and they very rarely visit me, I usually drive to see them, I get that they're working and time is limited for them in their busy lives, I'm not working so have more time to drive about, and to be honest as I live n a very rural area it's nice to get out, have a few hours with them and pop to the shops en route home to my peace and quiet!!!

balance, give and take, sounds like she is controlling etc, sad and all too common, a whole host of possible reasons why,hope you get some resolution. when we have a first grandchild it often changes our lives, sad that there is restrictions. Some of us, myself included ,have a situation where they all emigrate......

Sorry, I should have said one month’s parental leave, not six, but that makes things even more hectic - so much getting to grips with this fairly new situation, so little time.

Why have one or two posters picked up on Mariana’s expression ‘the child’?
Why bother to point it out?
Does it matter that Mariana said that rather than ‘my grandchild’?

This is what I meant about some unsympathetic comments.

just be patient until he is of the age to travel by himself by bus/train or even until he is 17 and he can drive. Grandparents of the child's father don't count you are set number 2. Her parents will always be set no 1 unless there are difficulties with her parents in terms of distance, countries, relationships. The child is theirs not yours.

Hithere

OP

That mentality can get you in a lot of trouble

Even family has boundaries that make positive relationships happen

that is still the truth though.

Hi. "How long ago did you meet her gf?" 7 years.

With you

"I guess I am just hurt that my Dil seems to like us more than our own son"

Your son has had relationship with for many decades, so he is privy to any background info that defnes your relationship

How long ago did you meet her gf?

If it is down to your son, then I guess that’s where you’ll need to do the work, Mariana in trying to find out why he’s feeling that way, whether you’ve inadvertently done something to upset him. Is this a recent change in his attitude, do you you think he’s struggling with new responsibilities or depressed?

Mariana72

SueDonim

I agree that there isn’t much you can do, Mariana except sit tight and hope things change as time goes on.

I must say the ‘come to us’ attitude you’ve mentioned in your post of 13:45 isn’t something my own DC have done. They grab at any chance to get away from home! My first GC was just six months when his parents brought him from California to Scotland to see us and he’d also been on holiday to Hawaii by that age. My GC in London have travelled up and down to Scotland, Paris (other GM’s home) & the US since they were tiny and they’re all seasoned travellers now. We’ve also travelled to them regularly. It’s not a one or the other thing for us, we share and share about. In this day of high fuel prices, that’s another consideration too.

Babies are v portable, I think, and the parents of young children that I know all seem to enjoy going off to new places. One young family took their 3yo and 9mth old off backpacking through Asia and NZ/Australia for six months! I must admit, I’d draw the line at that myself, but to suggest a normal 6mth old can’t travel the occasional 50 miles seems very odd, to me.

«Babies are v portable, I think, and the parents of young children that I know all seem to enjoy going off to new places. One young family took their 3yo and 9mth old off backpacking through Asia and NZ/Australia for six months! I must admit, I’d draw the line at that myself, but to suggest a normal 6mth old can’t travel the occasional 50 miles seems very odd, to me.» Mine certainly were portable. But you know what they say "where there's a will there's a way" and I had to find a way or I would simply not be able to see either my parents or my in-laws. So I had to make them portable. Simply put, I do not understand what all the issues are in this case and it starts to feel like there is no way with my son because there is no will

«One young family took their 3yo and 9mth old off backpacking through Asia and NZ/Australia for six months! I must admit, I’d draw the line at that myself,» absolutely, same here!

SueDonim

I agree that there isn’t much you can do, Mariana except sit tight and hope things change as time goes on.

I must say the ‘come to us’ attitude you’ve mentioned in your post of 13:45 isn’t something my own DC have done. They grab at any chance to get away from home! My first GC was just six months when his parents brought him from California to Scotland to see us and he’d also been on holiday to Hawaii by that age. My GC in London have travelled up and down to Scotland, Paris (other GM’s home) & the US since they were tiny and they’re all seasoned travellers now. We’ve also travelled to them regularly. It’s not a one or the other thing for us, we share and share about. In this day of high fuel prices, that’s another consideration too.

Babies are v portable, I think, and the parents of young children that I know all seem to enjoy going off to new places. One young family took their 3yo and 9mth old off backpacking through Asia and NZ/Australia for six months! I must admit, I’d draw the line at that myself, but to suggest a normal 6mth old can’t travel the occasional 50 miles seems very odd, to me.

«Babies are v portable, I think, and the parents of young children that I know all seem to enjoy going off to new places. One young family took their 3yo and 9mth old off backpacking through Asia and NZ/Australia for six months! I must admit, I’d draw the line at that myself, but to suggest a normal 6mth old can’t travel the occasional 50 miles seems very odd, to me.» Mine certainly were portable. But you know what they say "where there's a will there's a way" and I had to find a way or I would simply not be able to see either my parents or my in-laws. So I had to make them portable. Simply put, I do not understand what all the issues are in this case and it starts to feel like there is no way with my son because there is no will

You may well be right but it doesn’t matter what so ever.
The baby’s parents call the shots and whether grandparents agree or not or like it or not , is of little consequence.
As grandparents we are better off keeping our opinions to ourselves as it’s their child not ours.

Quaver22

I wonder if you have thought of buying second hand equipment for the baby to keep at your house so that your son wouldn’t have to pack everything for a visit. I’m thinking of a cot, changing mat, high chair, spare nappies , bibs, toys etc. I remember finding visiting anyone when my children were babies very stressful as there was so much I needed to take with me. It might be worth offering and then visits would be easier for them.

Very sensible question and, yes, I have offered to buy all of that. But I feel that every time I come up with a solution for anything he sees as a problem, the problem shifts to something else. Bottom line being I feel it's not even the benefit of the child that is top priority; it's his own personal comfort. Unfortunately, the vibe I am increasingly getting is that visiting his own parents is something he did to please my dil - who is very family oriented - but now that she has gone back to work it has become a nuisance for him. And if having us driving back and forth all the time to visit or babysit is what is comfortable for him, then that's what he wants I don't know, I guess I am just hurt that my Dil seems to like us more than our own son

is there a reason WHY they don't want to come to yours maybe, do you have pets, do you smoke (in your own home) try and work out why they do not want to come to yours and overcome the barrier to fix this

I agree that there isn’t much you can do, Mariana except sit tight and hope things change as time goes on.

I must say the ‘come to us’ attitude you’ve mentioned in your post of 13:45 isn’t something my own DC have done. They grab at any chance to get away from home! My first GC was just six months when his parents brought him from California to Scotland to see us and he’d also been on holiday to Hawaii by that age. My GC in London have travelled up and down to Scotland, Paris (other GM’s home) & the US since they were tiny and they’re all seasoned travellers now. We’ve also travelled to them regularly. It’s not a one or the other thing for us, we share and share about. In this day of high fuel prices, that’s another consideration too.

Babies are v portable, I think, and the parents of young children that I know all seem to enjoy going off to new places. One young family took their 3yo and 9mth old off backpacking through Asia and NZ/Australia for six months! I must admit, I’d draw the line at that myself, but to suggest a normal 6mth old can’t travel the occasional 50 miles seems very odd, to me.

I wonder if you have thought of buying second hand equipment for the baby to keep at your house so that your son wouldn’t have to pack everything for a visit. I’m thinking of a cot, changing mat, high chair, spare nappies , bibs, toys etc. I remember finding visiting anyone when my children were babies very stressful as there was so much I needed to take with me. It might be worth offering and then visits would be easier for them.