Kissing grandchildren?

PollyDolly I agree that babies don't understand kisses from grandparents. They are just for the gratification of the grandparents.

Fleurpepper

TwinLolly

I too, have heard about the herpes virus being passed onto babies and they have become gravely ill or died.

It is sad, but it happens. So precautions are probably justified.

At least you can show your grandchild affection in other ways.

If your parents had Herpes, they probably would know about it.

You can pass on herpes even if you don't have an active cold sore as it stays in your system. They will have been told this during antenatal classes and appointments and some parents are very cautious and won't allow kissing at all. It is not unusual for parents to be so worried so you just have to go along with it really xxxx

For Heaven’s sake we have just emerged from Covid and new varieties have been going the rounds. It is understandable that some people are very anxious. Being vaccinated doesn’t stop you getting Covid, you can still get it even if you’ve had it, and you can pass it on. A new born baby is very precious and parents can be very protective of their first born even without Covid. Also there are bad stories about babies catching Covid or anything else such as meningitis.

Does it really matter if you kiss the baby or not?

On the top of their heads!

From their POV although you are the Grandparents you have just arrived from another country and although you have been vaccinated you have only just recovered from Covid.

I think they are being cautious with you as the baby is very young and might not be a very ‘robust ‘ baby .

Although we were very close to our GCs we only ever kissed them in the top of their heads when they were very young, cuddles and hugs yes, plenty of time for those slobbery kisses that GCs like to give you when they are full of cold and have snotty noses!

As others have said their rules whilst you are staying here. Im sure you want the best for the baby too.

I don't think I kissed any of my GCs when they were babies. Just holding them, chatting to them perhaps stroking their face. I think kisses started when they were bigger perhaps about 1 year. I actually think a stranger's face looming very close might be a bit scarey for a young baby.

Come to think of it my own mother used to say you shouldn’t kiss babies even my own on the mouth.
Maybe she was right about this?

Each to their own I guess. However, the herpes virus can be passed on without a cold sore being present in the host. The virus can manifest in the eyes causing blindness in some cases.

Yes, I cuddle and hug my GC, when they were very tiny kisses were strictly off limits by my own initiative and DD and SIL understood and respected my decision. The rest of the family were encouraged to follow suit, and they did too.

Their baby, their rules........at least the OP is having contact with the GC - why not embrace that and leave the kisses out of the equation? Babies don't understand kisses either, simply not necessary.

JackyB

I'm not a great kisser either, but I do spontaneously hug my grandchildren as they do me, and I probably have given them a peck on the cheek or forehead when we were really close up. It would never have occurred to me that it could be contentious. As for herpes, the older one had quite a bad case the other week when he was with us for a sleepover. I got him to a doctor quick, especially as it was a Friday, so if anyone was going to pass that on it would have been the brother.

In fact, when I asked, the doctor said herpes wasn't contagious at all. We all carry it in us and it can break out at any time, but no way would I be getting it from him (DGS not the doctor!) nor would anyone else.

Umm, I think you need to research that a bit.

We don’t all carry it to begin with. We have to catch it first for it to be in our bodies. The first infection is called Primary herpes. The young the child the more dangerous it is, can infect the vital organs and cause death.

Like any virus, the herpes virus is infectious. Of course it is. That’s the only way a virus can exist. It doesn’t have a life of its own but needs to pass from host to host.
As we’ve all learnt from Covid!

What is lovelier than the sensation of kissing a babys’ soft downy napper ?
….or being head butted in the face by same angelic infant ?….

Both sets of grandparents were very affectionate with me but never kissed me. I didn’t suffer because of it, and I certainly never grew up with immune issues as some posters are suggesting!

When my grandchildren were born - two of them aren't cuddly and kissy .
One of them will come to me when she's ready .
I back off .

My grandson is , but I don't force him .

I think that the parents have made a a sensible decision .
At the moment , I think that kissing isn't really advised .
Wait until these health scares abate and the grandchild can make up his or her mind about being kissed .

As a child , I recall being forced to kiss endless relatives and I found it rather overwhelming .
Saying no was not allowed .

I'm not a great kisser either, but I do spontaneously hug my grandchildren as they do me, and I probably have given them a peck on the cheek or forehead when we were really close up. It would never have occurred to me that it could be contentious. As for herpes, the older one had quite a bad case the other week when he was with us for a sleepover. I got him to a doctor quick, especially as it was a Friday, so if anyone was going to pass that on it would have been the brother.

In fact, when I asked, the doctor said herpes wasn't contagious at all. We all carry it in us and it can break out at any time, but no way would I be getting it from him (DGS not the doctor!) nor would anyone else.

I'm not a great fan of kissing, and certainly not babies for the reasons above. I would hate to pass anything onto a young baby. Holding them should be enough and when they're older a nice hug is just lovely.

To me, current ‘rules’ about child care seem extremely over the top, it is not just kissing. A friend has just returned from giving a hand looking after her daughter’s baby and is a nervous wreck! She said she wondered how her three children survived, the things that she did then that are now classed as wrong: bathing the baby every day; sitting him in a bouncy chair; feeding him more than one type of food at the same time. The list was endless, she felt she needed to go on a retraining course!

I have two sets of grandchildren, three are in their teens so now get hugs but not kisses. The primary age children, since covid I have hugged and just kissed the top of their heads, which works well for their height!

We didn't kiss babies,or toddlers or cuddle them if they didn't want cuddled.I absolutely hated being told to give granny/Aunty or Uncle a kiss or cuddle and I would never make any child let someone invade their space .
I know with babies they have no say in it so its up to the parents to take their side ,so please do as you are asked.

We spend loads of time with our children telling them about boundaries what Not to let adults do yet strangers from afar that they've never met are allowed to pick them up and kiss and cuddle them?
You are seeing and spending time with your GC ..be happy about that
For the record now most of ours are teens we get unsolicited cuddles from them all even the 19 year old boy ,but at least one would have run a mile to avoid being kissed or cuddled when small .

Thanks for your insights, everyone.
Again, just to be clear, I have no intention of challenging their rules, just wanted to sanity check because I do find it precious, OTT and upsetting for us, and also very different to with our daughter where there was never an issue at all
Thanks

I agree Witzend OTT, precious and upsetting for GP's.

This sort of attitude does seem much more prevalent now, but I’m afraid it does seem OTT and precious - to me anyway. And hurtful to GPs, I’m sure,

Thank goodness my dd was always very relaxed. We cuddled all of them within a few hours of birth, and at 3 weeks number three was happily passed around all son in law’s family, plus sundry friends and neighbours.

I never kissed a baby except my own , hugs and cuddles are given gently
Recently I was given a baby to hold , I sat him on my knee and we gazed steadily at each other till he broke into a big grin and relaxed , but he didn’t want cuddles till mum took him back
It was delightful

I’ve hugged and kissed all my GC it’s natural for family to show affection surely nothing wrong with that.
Having said that their child their rules I find it strange and over the top myself.

At five months the baby doesn’t want or need kisses from anyone except the mother actually. They are part of the mother/child bonding. In the animal kingdom nuzzling is the equivalent and is only mother to baby. I think your need to kiss to the extent that your experiencing and projecting, might be triggering quite a primeval reaction.

Do the parents, the mum in particular, feel at some level that your trying to “take “ the baby. Make it yours?

When it comes to babies the animal instincts are still very strong. Just putting it out there for thought.

Just accept what they’ve decided and enjoy the time you have with them being positive and praising.

TwinLolly

I too, have heard about the herpes virus being passed onto babies and they have become gravely ill or died.

It is sad, but it happens. So precautions are probably justified.

At least you can show your grandchild affection in other ways.

If your parents had Herpes, they probably would know about it.

Ridiculous how is a child going to learn to use their emotions
I have kissed all my children and grandchildren , I ve never kissed on the mouth which always seems weird to me, why I don’t know, but a hug and kiss on the cheek is surely
what life is about
What a sad old world if you can’t hug an kiss a grandchild who will grow up with little immunity to anything
And no one may touch the child my goodness what a sad life for this darling child who ll probably never be allowed to play mud pies or mess around with other kids Sad sad sad but nothing you can do

(Of course if you kiss with a herpes sore on your mouth you can pass it on, otherwise not )