Are we being unreasonable?

Would you still be grateful if there was a car crash and your child was killed by that, Hithere?

I'm just wondering do they have any transport now you have your car back? If not could one of their problems be that you will be making too many journeys? There to pick him up, Back to yours and then the return journey in the evening. Are they perhaps worried about that?
Walks in isolated places can be fun for small children.

Some posters are comparing apples and oranges- taking a kid to hospital for medical emergency looks nothing like daily errands

Personally, if my kid was taken to ER and no car seat was available - i would still be grateful, the car seat is secondary in this situation

I think you are right to try and have a calm conversation about this Emma.

I do think that if you are going to look after your grandchild one day a week and his parents need/want you to do that then they have to trust you to care for him and to use your judgement. Otherwise they shouldn't leave him with you if they cant trust you!!

It is hard to see why they don't want him taken out without permission and it is hard to see that as trying to do their best for their child, in this context.

But unless you have a conversation, it wont be sorted. Ask them why they are requesting what they are and listen to their reasons,....and then tell them your perspective on that early start at their house, and your perspective on amusing a toddler all day indoors - pointing out perhaps how their toddler finds this difficult too as he loves to be outside etc etc.

Compromise is needed. But if they don't feel able to adapt to make things more manageable for you and probably more fun and relaxed for their child, then it isn't going to work and you probably have to say you cant do it. It is up to them whether they can manage without your help, presumably they cant keep taking leave!

It’s not advised that anyone buys a second-hand baby seat as the new owner will not know it’s history and could be risking their own child’s life.

I also had the same thought about an accident/sudden illness. A friend’s GS nearly died when some seeded bread lodged in his throat and swelled up. His mother got him into the car and to the local surgery within minutes, where they called 999 and had an emergency tracheotomy kit prepared for if he deteriorated further, as the ambulance had to come from miles away.

Depends on ones point of view doesn't it. It isn't always about wanting what's best for the child, sometimes it's about having absolute control which isn't necessarily in the best interests of the child.

I'm so shocked that people would call these parents names simply for loving and wanting to do the best for their child.

It's baffling to me.

Little wonder that relationships end up so tense

I agree with your posts Fleurpepper. We see too many examples of GP's being dictated too and faced with unreasonable demands, who are afraid to say anything for fear of not seeing their GC at all.

They may find it's not as easy as they think to find someone who would adhere to their rules even if they were paying them.

Goodness Me ... Your Son and Girlfriend sound very selfish to Me... You let him have Your car for 18 Months.... I'm guessing You look after Your Grandchild for free so saving them money.
They expect you to get up early drive over look after him then drive home.... that's a long day especially during the Winter months.

It isn't fair but You already know that... :-(

if I was looking after the child all day it would be in my house not theirs!

Honeysuckleberries

What happens if there is an accident or he becomes ill? There might be occasions where it is necessary for you to seek outside help or to be able to move him away from the home. Hopefully there will never be the need to but surely it is better to have plans put in place and never need them. Good luck with sorting things out.

That would prove quite difficult without a car seat!

Where can you go with the buggy at his house? Are there walks, woodlands, a garden? I would think it hard to be confined to the house with a toddler that age. I was out every day including lockdowns with my DGC - even in the rain. Jumping in muddy puddles is brilliant. We went to woods, throwing stones in river, seeing ducks, gathering sticks but I would have been very stressed not going out. I also have taken them to book bug in the libraries.

Oh dear

Personally I think it is best not to try and dictate someone else's parenting.

Otherwise they will just manage without that sort of input

What happens if there is an accident or he becomes ill? There might be occasions where it is necessary for you to seek outside help or to be able to move him away from the home. Hopefully there will never be the need to but surely it is better to have plans put in place and never need them. Good luck with sorting things out.

Rofl

Fleurpepper

The demands made by so many ACs are just beyond belief. We have so many friends who have to follow such strict and limiting rules and expected to have the honour of looking after GCs. Just goes too far. And none of them dare say anything, as they are practically blackmailed. Any arrangement should have some give and take.

I was about to say almost exactly the same, including the blackmail point, but you have summed it up much more concisely than I had.

Yes, there has to be give and take on both sides, or one party will quite understandably be unhappy and the 'arrangement' will not be a happy, successful one.

All relationships require give and take, and mutual respect, and honesty. Grandparents who are willing and able to help should be made to feel valued and respected. And vice versa. I hear so mayn stories from friends that indicate they are totally being taken for granted and made to follow lists of 'rules' to the letter and more or less blackmailed on the matter. Too far!

It isn't a case of fair or not. They must have their reasons for their decisions and perhaps being anxious about the child going out to public places might be something to do with Covid.
He is what is termed a Covid Baby ie arrived into the world at a time when we were all soon to become restricted and perhaps they still have those anxieties about him becoming ill or travelling in a car with someone other than themselves.

It's best to try to discuss it all rationally and calmly so you can reach an understanding.

The demands made by so many ACs are just beyond belief. We have so many friends who have to follow such strict and limiting rules and expected to have the honour of looking after GCs. Just goes too far. And none of them dare say anything, as they are practically blackmailed. Any arrangement should have some give and take.

1 day a week sounds like a great bonding opportunity, not babysitting.

Even when doing favours we don't get to dictate terms.

Nothing wrong with asking but it's then a yes or no.

You can say no

"parents need reminding that Grandparents are doing their adult children a massive favour"

It may not always be the case

Some parents schedule this kind of arrangement for the benefit of the grandparents, not for the child

I don’t like the concept of ‘fair” in regard to a child. He’s not a possession to be shared around like a cake!

I agree with MOnica. It’s something to be discussed if they want to have the benefit of childcare. And for you to discuss if you want time with your grandson.

I just wonder why the car worries them. If you haven’t driven for 18 months you could be very out of practice.

Do either of them have anxiety at all? I only ask because I was exactly the same. Convinced there was going to be a car crash and my child was going to die. Horrendous feeling.

Maybe that's what they need to talk about?

well basically you are doing them a big favour to give all that childcare; it is very restrictive on your lives, you cannot just take off for the w/e when the fancy takes you.
so they ought to fit in with you as to location.
i'd hate to be stranded in the middle of nowhere, stuck in their house all day with a lively and tiring toddler. sounds grim. and a long day at that.
i think if they can't bring him to yours, say no more.
as to the driving issue, there may be some fears behind it.
good luck.

Can I ask who looks after your grandchild the rest of the week if you only have them one day?