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Feeling quite bruised and upset, so feel I have to let off steam! I saw on Facebook that my niece/ godchild (age 49) and husband are moving. He’s starting a year long course, they don’t have much money and through Facebook are letting friends and everyone know that they would like help. Crowdfunding has been suggested. However I thought this would be an opportunity for me to help them. We’re not very close, but we see each other at family occasions. So I said I’d like to help and could they send bank transfer details - that was 2 days ago. I sent a sizeable contribution, about one fifth of what they needed. I told them when I was sending it, but I didn’t say the amount, I wanted it to be a nice surprise. That was on Tuesday evening, and I received an email first thing next morning (yesterday) saying the money wasn’t in their account. I explained that it might take 24 hours, but that I was checking too, and would sort it out out if it didn’t arrive. Last night I got a very brief, unfriendly terse email from her saying that the money still hadn’t arrived with ‘hadn’t’ written in capitals - HADN’T - which always makes me feel I’m being shouted at! By this time she’d dropped any pleasantries from the conversation. I didn’t reply as I felt I’d already said what I would do. This morning I checked my bank account, and the money had been transferred to the correct account. I sent a message confirming money had gone from my account and could they confirm they’d received it. I received an email from her 7 minutes later (and to give her the benefit of the doubt - our emails might have crossed while sending) saying crossly again ‘ that x amount of money had arrived in their account. Please confirm’. Since then I have heard nothing. I feel mortally wounded, I wouldn’t mind if she’d just apologised for being a bit hasty, that they were worried etc. But it’s like she’s calling the shots ……. as the saying goes ‘the best intentions gang aft agley’ . It’s put me off helping them again.
Oh my, I was a few lines in before SCAM SCAM started flashing in my head!
Please OP come back. And a warning to us all - social media is very easy to abuse.
The terse response isn't right! Please contact your bank ASAP.
How ungrateful
Why did she say 'please confirm'... ?? What were you supposed to be confirming? It's very odd, I hope it isn't a scam...
Call her
Maybe she is really busy and stress is getting to her?
Oh my goodness, this would be very elaborate if it was a scam, but now others have pointed it out, I can see how it would work. OP doesn't even know if the person who sent any of the FB messages / emails is actually her niece.
I am fairly savvy about such things - have pulled up clever DH a couple of times because I have more of what the Americans call 'street smarts' - but I didn't spot this one.
OP, if it was a scam, my heart goes out to you. Whatever the situation, it has not been nice for you, I just hope you ave not lost money as well.
I know we would be grateful to hear how things have gone, but I do understand if you don't want to post any more
PHONE HER NOW
Nannina I'm with you on this. Most people struggle financially at times. I can't imagine asking family and friends, particularly through FB, for help. I hope it's not a scam.
I am speechless- but yes, check it is not a scam.
Goodness Me how selfish...you are a lovely person and I can completely understand why You are feeling upset ...dont help her again ..Sending You a hug ♡
Perhaps I’m a bit ingenious but people seem to be crowd funding for just about anything these days. Some causes elicit sympathy but someone is ‘begging’ for help for cosmetic surgery leaves me cold
Will the OP come back and let us know ?
Even if it was on Facebook , her account could have been hacked.
If it is all legitimate then the niece is very ungrateful and I hope the OP doesn’t help her again.
Well, this does not sound like a scam to me.
After all, you sent the money by bank transfer to her account and have received confirmation that she has received it.
To my mind you have an ungrateful niece, but as I have two, I may be wronging your niece.
Give her a ring, just to be able to stop thinking about whether she has or has not received the money.
Don't expect thanks, you are obviously not likely to be thanked, and if I were you, I would have no intention of helping her out in money matters again. I actually doubt I would want to help in any way, after this kind of treatment.
Please check with your niece and speak to her it is a well known scam which has been going on for a while,please phone and speak to her asap.
I hope it wasn’t a scam. It sounds like one!
Yes please ring her, it does definitely have similarities to a current scam.
Hopefully all will be well, but please check.
As others have suggested, ring her to check......
Ring her asap!
In all this, seeing as this woman is your god daughter Semiruralgirl has either of you attempted an actual phone call? …Just wondering
J
I would give her a call too, just to check everything is OK.
If the money did go to the right place, I'm so sorry they were so rude
Please phone your Niece.
This sounds like a similar scam that a poster wrote about regarding her daughter, when she rang her daughter she realised it was a scam.
Please phone your Niece.
Such a kind gesture Semiruralgirl. No excuse for rudeness or bad manners, however distracted or busy we are, However, I would definitely speak to her directly to check that it isn’t a scam.
Oh dear, no good deed goes unpunished!
In defence of your niece, I agree that she may have been worried, and if tired may have sent a quick (aka 'terse' email) and capitals are for emphasising.
I wonder if she is feeling a bit awful, but doesn't know what to say? I know that on the odd (I hope rare) occasion that I have been less than polite, I have wondered about apologising, as it seems to drag something relatively minor out to be chewed over.
I have a mantra that has served me well, though you may not agree with it. I think that as a senior member of the family, it is my job to smooth things over, to make overtures and generally be a role model.
So I would ring her (or email / message if that seems better) and say something like.....what a shame that our wires got crossed. I had hoped to surprise you....you must have been worried about the money going astray, indeed I felt quite upset myself.....
If she has anything about her she will get the message and be contrite, if not actually apologetic, and may seize on the excuse to say that she was terse because she was worried.
If not, I would write it off to experience! My father was worried about one of my nieces when she went to work abroad, at age 20. He sent her enough money for a return plane ticket 'in case you need to come home quickly' (several hundred pounds). She never thanked him - I think she was a bit distracted & careless rather than actually ungrateful, but he remembered. When he got a windfall, all the other grandchildren got a nice sum (over £1k) but she didn't! He didn't publicise that, just gave them each the money on the QT - they would have simply assumed she got the same.
Im so sorry. There is no excuse for being so rude about such a generous gift.
I had exactly the same thought Jaffacake. Please speak to her and ask her to confirm her bank details to make sure your money has indeed gone to her and not a scammer.
Sometimes I think the old fashioned way of sending a cheque is safer than up to date Internet transactions.
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