Finding a bond for a distant GD

Hithere

Feeling guilty is futile

What happened with your gd is/was out of your control

The bond will develop - just give it time

I agree

Feeling guilty is futile

What happened with your gd is/was out of your control

The bond will develop - just give it time

Hi there, I agree. The main concern I had when I posted is that I don’t have that bond with my GD and wasn’t sure if I wanted to but, felt guilt as I am bonded to my GS

Glad your son have access to his child now

The main goal is for father and daughter to get to know each other again and bond again

I would be wary to overwhelm the child work too many changes at the same time

If she gave you a hug, you already have the start of a good relationship with her. Most 6 year olds do not voluntarily hug older people they do not know.

JaneJudge, you didn't upset me either

I don't have anything to do with the DIL. She just attacks my son instead by making nasty comments about both of us.

MadGran - Thank you... I think I will keep my distance. My GD was there when I visited and she gave me a hug. She doesn't know who I am, she is just friendly. Perhaps over time I could have that relationship with her.

You are right to not want to jeopardise your sons access. Just wait and let him build his relationship with her. Support him, suggest things they can, bake a cake for them, listen to him ..ie watch from afar and wait

You haven't come across as aggressive at all. I was worried I'd upset you. These kind of people don't change though so I think you need to find a way of not letting her wind you up or even trigger any kind of response

JaneJudge.. I re-read my response and I fear it came across aggressive.. Just wanted to make sure you knew I didn't intend in coming across that way.

I feel guilt that I am not fighting harder to see her.

If you feel you need to protect yourself, there is nothing wrong with doing so Jaydee

It’s not blame, it’s protection. I don’t even know why the DIL decided I couldn’t see my GD. I want to bond but, I don’t want it used against me so I want to keep my distance, I also don’t want to jeopardise my sons access.

Jaydee yes, I think I remember.
Your d.I.l. is a nasty piece of work. The more love the child gets, the better he/she thrives. At one time, my middle son and I fell out over some silly thing, so silly, I can’t remember what it was. BUT I was never stopped from seeing the GD. I would visit, play with her, while son and d.I.l. kept out of the way. It was very hard. Eventually, we smoothed things out, but it’s not the same. My heart aches for you …

I'm pleased your son is now able to see his daughter. Hopefully with time you will be able to see her too. You need let go of blaming the girls Mum, even if she was at fault. Try and turn off from the past and concentrate on the future. No one likes conflict