Grandkids ignore us when other grandparents are around

What do you think, AussieGran59, just curious, whats best for Tzumama2?

AussieGran59

Sone unbelievable responses here. Tzumama2, ignore them.

Really ? Some excellent advice I thought

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

They’re very little. Keeping score and jealousy won’t do you a moment of favour. Let it be. Kids go through people jags as easily as food jags. It’s not personal, unless you make it so. Your reaction will absolutely influence how things continue.

It does occur to me that if you and your daughter sit down in the kitchen to have a chin wag, pretty soon you’ll find the grandkids will come through to see what’s going on!

At the moment they’ve got four grandparents eager for their attention. No wonder they feel they can pick and choose.

Lathyrus

Although we all like the thought of “one big family” it’s a bit of an illusion. Making sure that everyone feels included in a large social setting is something that even adults find difficult. Little children don’t have those social skills at all.

If they enjoy time with you when the other grandparents aren’t around then they do have a good relationship with you so make that grandchildren time.

And then make the big get-togethers lovely quality time with your adult child when neither of you have to be distracted by little ones.

I so agree with this. We know they do love you when the. other GP aren't there,

We cannot really know "why" - it could all change in 2 years

Dont go on hurting yourselves, its kinder xx

I think the best advice is not to take it personally and don't react negatively as it's really common with children of this age. It happens to parents really frequently as well when the children suddenly develop a preference for one parent. It's just a phase.

Stop the double meetings, It’s not a competition, if you go at separate times then the kids get the best of both worlds and you won’t see what happens to get upset about
I really really fail to understand why you all formally go together you say you all live within reach so why not stagger it so there’s absolutely no competition
I think the older child is picking up on your discomfort and feels more at ease with the other gran especially if the mum has told him to be nice to you, the three year old will follow his sibling of course
I don’t understand why it’s sad to visit separately
I think you’re making too much of it relax and enjoy them separately

taking things personal that little children do or say is opening yourself up to the threshold of hell

My DGDs have a special bond with their other grandma. She spent a lot of time with them and they get on well. Having said that I know they love me and DH. We have had great times together. Most importantly don’t show it gets to you. It’s hard I know bu they are young. In 6 months or a year things could be completely different. When you have the boys in your own make sure they have fun and a good time and just enjoy their company then. It would be a shame to make life difficult for your DD who obviously feels your hurt but can’t talky do anything about it. Try and not to worry about it. From someone whose grandchildren are now almost adult, trust me things change. Be good caring grandparents and play with them, give them love and support them and they will remember that not whose knee they sat on one Christmas.

Tzumama2

JANEJUDGE. Thanks for your unhelpful comment. Guess your user name is very accurate!

perhaps you are a little too sensitive... there is certainly some truth in what JudgeJane said but don't take it or this situation so personally... all things change... you are obviously loved just step back a little..

Grandmabatty…..Sorry you are having to deal with a similar situation

Thank you Norah. We don’t make a big group all together but we may be headed toward separate celebrations anyway.

JANEJUDGE. Thanks for your unhelpful comment. Guess your user name is very accurate!

maybe they simply prefer the other lot.
no great mystery.
avoid meetings with the other lot if it makes you uncomfortable.

Grandmabatty 'competitive grandparenting' - wow, I didn't know such a sport existed - but suppose it's just like competitive parenting (or anything else) all over again. Pretty pathetic behaviour from adults. If it annoyed me, I think I'd just avoid gatherings when the other grandparents were there.

they are just children
try to be a bit more grown up

I'm grandma to two boys. Me and the other grandparents see the boys probably the same amount of time. The other grandpa indulges in 'competitive grandparenting' and at joint occasions like birthday or Christmas he'll hog the older boy and almost crow if dgs1 goes to him. Last year it was so bad, his mil told him he was out of order. My reaction is to pretend I don't notice, help in the kitchen, talk to the others etc. I never show him how much it irritates. I suggest you keep doing something similar. Fake it til you make it. I recognise that dgs1 loves his grandpa and likes to be with him. I think his grandpa is insecure so I don't let it outwardly bother me. We all have our role to play in their wee life.

We always split holidays, birthdays, events - between my parents and my husband's parents. Is that a possibility?

Now, with 4 grown married daughters, each with AC, GC, some with GGC - we split them to groups. We do separate holidays, events with each daughter. Forty people is too many at once. Maybe 2 families is too many people?

Both sets of grandparents see the kids fairly equally time-wise

Tzumama - don’t worry too much about it. You haven’t mentioned whether the other grandparents see them as often as you do .
In my case, the other grandparents do far more than I do for my son’s little girls. She sees them daily. I see them probably once a month or so.
Today I popped in to their other grandma’s house to give them their advent calendars. They (4 year old and 7 year old) ran up to me for a cuddle, and the 4 year old wanted to sit on my lap. It’s just the Novelty of seeing me. But ofcourse, I accept that they are closer to her. That’s life I guess. I have never been top of the pecking order in any of my relationships. As long as I am somewhere in between, that’s fine.

If they see you more etc, it may just be the novelty of seeing the other grandparents. I doubt the children are doing it out of spite

I m not understanding what you mean by split holidays
It’s a lot (four extra adults) for little ones to work around and as you say the little one will do what his older sibling does
Surely it would be a lot better all round if you did one visit and the other grandparents the other week/ month or what ever the time table is
It’s really not something to get hurt or upset or jealous about the children aren’t meaning to upset you You’re the adult so must work your way around it and I would think single grandparents per visit would give you the attention you feel you need

Although we all like the thought of “one big family” it’s a bit of an illusion. Making sure that everyone feels included in a large social setting is something that even adults find difficult. Little children don’t have those social skills at all.

If they enjoy time with you when the other grandparents aren’t around then they do have a good relationship with you so make that grandchildren time.

And then make the big get-togethers lovely quality time with your adult child when neither of you have to be distracted by little ones.

Yes we do get along Kasimo. They are my daughters kids