Grandkids ignore us when other grandparents are around

I would find this incredibly hurtful and would probably not see the children with the other grandparents.

This is an old post, so I don't know if you will see this. But when I saw it, it really pulled up a memory for me. I did this to my grandparents when I was young. And sadly, my favorite grandparents were the ones I ignored. I can't explain it really, other than I wanted to keep them seperate from the dynamic of the gathering. Makes zero sense and had thought about it when I got older and felt bad about it. I guess the point is, if you have a good relationship with your grandkids, just try to not let it get to you. Your relationship with them is unique to you and separate from anybody else! Update if you see this and let us know how it is going! I am a new grandma and know this would be hard for me as well!

They're 5 & 3..so don't think this a deliberate attempt to upset you... Do they spend more time with the other grandparents? If so that could be it, they're just more familiar to the kids. Are you all together a lot? Or is it the odd occasion? Ignore it when you're all together, chat to the kids and whoever's lap they're sat on..be friendly to the other grandparents when you meet. When it's just you there with the family interact with the kids as much as possible.. Ignore the other grandma's behaviour, perhaps she sees them less than you, or she's so insecure she sees you as a bit of a threat to her grandma time. You could just cut down on the time you are there when other grandparents are too and visit a bit more on your own.

Sending you virtual support 💖
Concentrate on your personal relationship with your grandchildren and shower them with love. Build up your own unique relationship with them. It will pay dividends when they are older. Children can cope with a wide range of interactions. I have 5 grandchildren and I try not to compete …

I'm trying to bump the spam off the active list, as suggested.

petra

Cheri

You are cold hearted!

Why did you, as a first time poster, resurrect a post from 2021
and then make such a rude comment.

How do new posters find these old threads?

Why do they post, when the OP has probably moved on?

Why do people add to an old thread? (Guilty as charged, M'Lud!)

Hi there! So sorry, yes its very hurtful. My situation is similar. My grand daughter often rejects me when around her aunty. If her aunty is not around, papa is always her go to. She's only interested when its just me. A lot of people tell you , you've done something, whether it be reaction or strong perfume. I just think its a preference and they will go to you if you meet their needs. Apparently up to the age of 7 kids are very selfish. A lot of people say, don't take it personally. They dont get it. Just listen to those who do get it and have some good advice. We dont want to be the favourites, just be loved. We are happy to share, good luck with it all. Ill be feeling for you. All the best.

We had this problem in our extended family only we were the preferred grandparents and the other pair got very upset. We have solved it by no longer seeing the children together. For example, we visit on Christmas Eve and they do Boxing Day and the children’s birthdays are spread over two days. It all sounds a bit childish but it works.

Cheri

You are cold hearted!

Why did you, as a first time poster, resurrect a post from 2021
and then make such a rude comment.

I doubt if the OP is looking at the latest posts.
They posted on the 21st November 2022

I think it is best for the grandparents to see grandchildren separately as my experience is not good and the children find it difficult. In laws and out laws don’t mix well generally 😂

I can totally understand your hurt feelings. It was the opposite with my husband and I. We looked after our grandchildren every day from them being 6 months old as we had retired, but the other grandparents were a few years younger than us so were still working full time. Until our grandchildren went to school, it was my husband and I looking after them during the week and their other grandparents only seeing them for a few hours at the weekend. But when we had a get together, our grandchildren were always talking to us and asking us to help them with something. We tried our best to bring the other grandparents into the conversation but they didn't seem to know how to interact with the children.

When they started school, we were always the first port of call during the school holidays.

Perhaps your circumstances are different to ours, I think in many cases, a lot of it depends on who the children see more of and what the grandparents do with them when they are in their company.

We baked cakes (which they took home with them), made cards, played games etc. etc. we took them out for the day, to the park or the coast.but the other grandparents could not do this as they were working full time.

Small children are like cats, ignore them and they will be all over you

As harsh as it sounds, they're kids (and young kids at that) so it's likely they have their 'favourites' but it doesn't mean they don't love you. The biggest mistake you can make is comparing your relationship with your grandkids to the other grandparents. The relationships are just different. Enjoy the time you get with them and if they prefer to sit with the other grandparents at events where you all attend then, so be it. Would you prefer that the children were 'encouraged' by their parents to sit with you? I wouldn't want any child to be forced to sit with me under duress because, as they grow, so will distance and resentment. Just enjoy whatever you get invited to without the focus being how much attention you get from these really young kids.

I am so sorry and hope it’s better now since this thread is old. We must overlook insensitive, cold-hearted comments when we are reaching out for support.

What? No she isn't

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

The ‘favourite’ can sometimes be the one who is seen the most and the GC are most familiar with, or it can be the one who isn’t seen as much and is therefore more of a novelty.

If they are ok with you when the other GP’s are not about, I would do what others have suggested, and avoid the joint meet ups.

I had this situation with my sons kids and to be honest we just let them do their own thing and now all is well and they are fine with us. To be honest it’s rather lovely to sit opposite your grandson and watch him sometimes rather than have him on your knee. Be careful what you do as it can have a long term impact on family get togethers. Grandkids are a wonderful gift to grandparents enjoy them while they are young. They grow up far to fast. 2 of ours aged 8 and 11 leave for Australia in 3 weeks and we are broken.

Regardless of the children's parents being DS and DIL or DD and SIL to the OP the practice of a 5 yr old sitting on anyones knee to eat a meal is ridiculous and of course the 3 yr old will copy, its what children do.
The parents need to step in and put a halt to that as they are simply feeding what is an unpleasant situation for the OP.
I do agree though that children are receptive to facial expressions so when the child sits with the other GP just ignore the situation.
Grandparenting isn't a competition, it is a privilege.

I don't know if this will help, but I'm invisible to my small grandchildren in a group situation when my ex and his girlfriend are there. They both have big personalities and I'm quieter and also don't like big gatherings. It used to feel strange at first, but I know that the little ones adore it at my place where they can mess around with art stuff and make that awful slime stuff. I think they are equally as close to all their grandparents but for some reason I'm not so appealing when the others are there. I don't take it personally; they're only 5 and 7.

I’m sure it will change in the future. My kids were always changing (outward) preference between grandparents & parents come to that when growing up. We’d just refer to someone being flavour of the month. Perhaps the other grandparents have comfier laps or are easier to climb on.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thanks to all for your comments.